It was the day of the next full moon. I was excited. We would have three new wolves joining us tonight! They all had their first shift last full moon and now they would come back from their month of isolation and meet the pack.

Maybe someone would meet their mate! It was always a big celebration when that happened.

"Muru will be there, too" I thought and couldn't help but feel guilty. The last time I saw her I had beaten her up badly. I probably should apologise - if she would take my apology that is.

Worse was I knew she was that girl from Instagram. Frost_Moon. The next day after I had beaten her up I went to the hospital again to get painkillers for Jane and I. It was the same time as Muru had been found and brought in. Her face was so swollen she was barely recognizable. I walked past when they cut open her shirt to investigate her chest. I later heard she had a few cracked ribs from one of the nurses. But that was when I saw on her collarbone a mole shaped like a butterfly.

"Fuck." I thought. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Even now, remembering that all I could think was "fuck, fuck, fuck."

To make it up to her I had been talking to my friends doing my best to convince them that Muru wasn't that bad of a person. That she was funny and nice when you got to know her. And I told them that she was beautiful, because often they referred to her as "that disgusting ugly bitch."

They didn't believe me so I showed them the only picture I had from her, The one Frost_Moon had sent me. No one believed that it was Muru, which kinda bummed me out a little, but I didn't give up. I just wanted them to treat her better so I could feel less guilty, or at last this is what I told myself.

Before we went to the full moon meet, my parents and I dropped my sister off at a friend's house. My sister technically was old enough to stay alone, but ever since the attack on her years ago we - and her - felt better knowing she wasn't alone.

The full moon meet was on a beautiful clearing not too far off from the town. We usually made a fire. Some of us shifted and some didn't. We had a special private place for shifting behind some thick spruce trees with emergency clothes just in case. I actually had made sure yesterday that there were enough clothes in different sizes available. The older I became the more my parents let me take over pack related duties so I learned what all needed to be done. I would be the future alpha after all.

We arrived at the clearing. Some pack members were already there. The greeted us with big smiles.

"I made some extra food, the new ones probably are starving when they arrive here. It's hard to find food in the winter under all the snow." Maddy our cook happily chirped. She loved cooking.

With new ones she meant those who just got their wolf and shifted for the first time in their lives. I tried to recall my first shift but I couldn't remember much.

"It was painful." Argus, my wolf, said. "And I was so inexperienced, luckily it was summer so we could eat berries you found for the first week." I nodded. I had completely forgotten about my month alone in the woods. Just too much had happened since then.

Slowly more and more people appeared. Some shifted into their wolf form and some stayed normal. We chatted and laughed. Each month we had this get-together to greet the new wolves under us and else just to drink, talk and catch up, because often pack business could get so busy, that there were months where you just didn't have time for this otherwise.

Soon the first new wolf arrived. It was a large brown male. After he shifted behind the bushes and threw on some clothes he went straight for the food. I knew him from school so I nodded as he went past me. Next was another grey wolf, another male, another classmate.

Then Muru came. I could smell her from far away. "Mate!" My wolf said. "No." I thought, with mixed feelings. I wanted her to be my mate, but at the same time I was afraid of her reaction, afraid that she would reject me. Muru was an off white small wolf with long legs, because of the wind she hadn't smelled me yet, she didn't know yet. I noticed she had something in her snout, but I couldn't see what until after she had shifted and came to the clearing. She had a dead rabbit in her hand. She went straight to the alpha and handed it to him. She said something to him but I couldn't hear, but my father seemed very pleased.

My legs moved on their own, or Argus moved them, but in no time I stood in front of her and she looked up, finally smelling me. Her eyes went wide. I expected to see hatred and disgust on her face, I expected her to start crying, but for a moment she just looked at me with wide eyes and then I saw an expression on her face I had never seen. It wasn't hate, anger or disgust. Later I recognized it for what it was, but at that moment my heart leaped. Didn't that mean she didn't hate me? Didn't find me disgusting? Didn't find the idea of us disgusting?

Her expression back then showed pure and raw desperation. I think the moment I became her mate something in her just broke and I never noticed. Instead I smiled at her like an idiot.

"Mate", I whispered to her. She didn't respond, she just looked past me with a frozen expression. Then she said with an emotionless calm voice "give me some time" and went to get something to eat. Leaving me back dumbfounded. It took all my control to not run after her, to not grab her and hug her until she forgave me. What had just happened? Was this now positive or negative?

"Our mate hates us after what you did to her doesn't she?" Argus asked me, snapping me out of my trance. "No. I don't think so." I said, now that he said that I wasn't sure anymore. Did she hate us? Would she reject us? I probably deserved that but Argus did not!