~~Talk no jutsu go Brrrrrr~~
“I was wrong about this war. This isn’t a Holy Grail war. This is a Holy Grail Picnic.” Saber took a bite from an Onigiri. “There is no battle to be won, only food to satisfy the stomach.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? Nobody had to lose their lives.” Shirou said before passing another Onigiri to his servant.
Aiko drank a cup of sake, minding her own business.
“I never said it was a bad thing, only that it wasn't a war.” Saber finished off the onigiri on her hand. “To think, the only one who suffered casualties was Lancer.”
A voice boomed from behind her. “Hey, screw you, Saber. I had to fight a mountain of muscle you call Heracles.”
Aiko drank another cup of sake, watching the people at the picnic with a smirk. Issei looked interested in trying it, but she kept him from doing so with a look.
“I thought I’d have to fight King Gilgamesh himself, so I’m glad there wasn’t any incident on my side.” A blue-haired woman smiled before sipping on her tea. “I admit that I haven’t gathered nearly enough mana to defeat him.”
“You know, we should finish more conflicts this way more often. No collateral damage and everyone lives. Surprised none of you considered it yet.” Iihito admitted.
“No, you’re just a weirdo, Iihito,” Illya interjected. Taking a sip from her tea.
Aiko drank yet another cup of sake. Her expression loosened, and her ears and tail slipped out from her Shapeshifting. When her tail made its way to Issei's lap, he began to absently stroke it.
Approaching the picnic, a certain redhead along with the smallest peerage member walked up to the party. “So here you guys all are... When I heard there was a grail war about to happen, I was about to send in the entire peerage.”
“Hey! Where are you guys?!” A voice cut through the air. Faint, yet demanding to be heard.
"Picnic on the mountain! Getchur drinks!" Aiko called back, pretending to be in a drunken stupor.
Bazett snorted. "I doubt he can actually hear you. We should send someone to go pick him up."
“Yeah, sure. If it takes too long, don’t worry about it.” Once Lancer left their sight, he shot towards the church. The wind screamed as he neared his target. He reared a fist back, prepared to lay down his might. Then he stopped his fist a hair away from Raynell’s face.
Raynell responded with a laidback grin. “Oh! You’re here to pick me up. Nice!” He looked in the direction Lancer came from. “So where is it?”
“In the mountains.”
“I wonder what you’re all doing there. Wait, don’t tell me. I’ll see it after I recover from the whiplash you’re going to give me.” Raynell gave a mock salute with a lighthearted chuckle. “Of course, you don’t have to, captain. We could always race.”
Lancer grinned. “A race. First to the mountain shrine wins.” Without warning, he spirited away to leave his foolish challenger in the dust. He laughed to himself as he barreled up the mountain. Then he saw a familiar face sitting down and grabbing something to eat.
“You’re late.”
Raising a cup of sake, Aiko smiled in drunken beauty. "Youu sheeee, heee wash heeere theee eeentiiireee timeee~."
“W-what?” Lancer’s mind raced, searching for how a rider beat him in his specialty.
“It’s a technique I came up with. I call it the [One Step Stop]. Once I know where to go, one step is all I need to get there. Although I prefer to go by normal means whenever I can.”
“WHAT?! You’re telling me that you somehow managed to materialize a hyper-advanced portable console from thin air in seconds?!?!” Rias exclaimed.
Iihito deadpanned while turning to look toward Issei. “Please don’t be so willing to reveal secrets. She doesn't know about that skill yet...”
Forgetting she was supposed to be acting drunk, Aiko laughed at the look on Rias and Iihito’s faces with a smirk. "Hehe~ item creation EX is haaaax."
Issei raised his eyebrows in surprised confusion. “Eh? Why not?”
“You read the Art of War? You know, if you know neither the enemy nor yourself, a defeat is all but guaranteed? Yeah, I wanted to keep my skill a secret until I can confirm she was an ally that won’t stab me in the back.” Iihito deadpanned, explaining to Issei what she was doing.
“Do I really seem untrustworthy to you?” Rias winced, looking towards Iihito who shrugged back.
“Nah, I treat everyone I first meet this way. We just met and I don’t know if you have ulterior motives. Just ask Rin what would happen if you wear your intentions out in the open and spew all of your secrets.”
Koneko walked up towards Iihito, seemingly unaware of Rias’ grumblings. “Can I have console?”
“Uhhh... Sure... Cat about that ability is out of the bag anyhow...” Iihito sighed, materializing a Nintendo Switch from thin air within seconds before handing it to the white-haired totally not a cat girl.
"You gonna pay her for that Kitten? Maybe do her some favors?" Aiko pressed, feeling her friend was being exploited and hoping to help rectify that.
“Ok.” Koneko raised an arm. “Food, please.”
Iihito gave Koneko a bento in response. Koneko devoured the bento in seconds. “Food need more seasoning. 8 out of 10.”
Aiko's strained smirk fell flat at that statement, a look of pure exasperation in her eyes. "Bruh, that's sooo not what I meant. But whatever works, I guess."
Rias’ eyebrows twitched at Koneko getting away with such an advanced console with ease. Only two exist as far as she knows, and one now belongs to a peerage member who’d probably hog it all day.
Palming her face for a moment, Aiko let her hand slide down her face and then realized something important. Her ears perked up, and she clasped her hands as she asked Iihito for a favor. "That reminds me. Hey Iihito, can I get a new phone off you? I want to be able to actually call you if I need it, plus I wanna play Fate/Grand Order with you."
Koneko raised her arm in response. “Can I have one too?”
“Sure... What models?” Iihito tilted her head.
With a bright smile, Aiko detailed what she wanted. "Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 4, please. It seems like a pretty cool phone." She noted how much it cost when it came out so that she could repay Iihito in equal-value favors.
Raynell piped in. “That reminds me that I need a phone as well. Just a good quality Samsung will do!”
“Alright, so a Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 4 and 2 Samsung Galaxy S23s.” Materializing the phones, she passed them to the three.
Rias suddenly found her hand on her face massaging her forehead. “How is Koneko getting away with getting advanced phones so easily?”
Raynell shrugged his shoulders. “She asked nicely.”
“Yeah, pretty much. Nothing supernatural about a smartphone or a switch.” Iihito shrugged before looking for a sandwich.
Lancer burst out in frustration, pointing at Iihito. “How is it that someone like you won the Holy Grail War?”
“It’s not a war, Lancer. It’s a picnic,” Saber replied before taking a bite from her sandwich.
Aiko chugged the last of the sake when Issei tried to sneak a cup without anyone noticing. It would not be cool if the red dragon emperor got drunk. At all.
Iihito shrugged at Lancer. “You tell me, I have no idea why you didn’t just talk this war over.”
“You’re not supposed to win with just words, dummy!” Illya pointed at Iihito in accusation.
Adding her two cents, Aiko laughed off Illya's naivety. "Two words. Hans. Shakespeare."
Raynell played off of the words. “Flammenwerfer? Have at thee?”
Iilya frowned, raising a finger. “That’s different. They use words to attack people. She uses words diplomatically to stop people from attacking her.”
"Diplomacy is literally just a different kind of war though. She's technically still fighting, just in a different way." Aiko pointed out in a very 'matter of fact' tone.
Raynell scratched his chin. “Well… there wasn’t much talking. Mostly American diplomacy of having a terrifyingly bigger gun.”
“She didn’t talk about politics. All she did was small talk.” Iilya started to whine.
Staring at Illya with a small smile, Aiko's lips began twitching. "The political stuff was implied. We have a really big stick, so Iihito spoke extra softly. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was actually American."
Raynell let out a chuckle. “Both of us broke off from the British. We come from the same vein.”
“So uhh, any of you still got room for a snag? Can’t really have a picnic without a barbie.” Iihito offered, materializing a grill.
“Oooo! I’ll be back with some meat. Make me a wood grill in the meantime. I got some amazing Mexican meat for you to try out.”
Taking note of Raynel’s comment, Iihito altered the grill into a wood grill.
Gilgamesh raised a brow. “Girl, can you go five seconds without talking about food?”
Finishing off her grill, Iihito paused before turning around to the king. “Sorry, my liege. Since we are on a picnic, I couldn’t help but offer something.”
Gilgamesh rested his eyes. “Your apology is accepted. Make me my own grill. I will give you an ancient Babylonian steak to feast upon.”
Appearing with a cooler and some wood, Raynell grinned. “Oho-ho! Seems like we’re going to have a little competition here. My friend Pablo already seasoned my meat how I usually make it. My family recipes versus your royal palette.”
Reading the room, Iihito took a step back. “You know, I’m just going t-”
Gilgamesh glared at Iihito. “Don’t you dare back off from this challenge, girl. You are cooking this steak the way I like it.”
Comments (0)
See all