Logan, for the life of himself, could not figure out what had possessed him to invite Jax to eat lunch with him and his friends. He knew that he might suffer because of it--he treasured the times when he was able to speak freely without worry of getting hurt. Yet for some inconceivable reason, he had given that up for one person. He had given it up so that he could see Jax more often.
Besides, he and Jax had only just made up. Normally in such a situation, he would take time to warm back up to someone. Yet with Jax, becoming comfortable with him again was almost instantaneous. It was… odd, to say the least.
Not to mention the strange probably-flirting he did when Jax mentioned that he had grabbed an extra copy of the history homework for him. He could excuse himself for bringing Jax to lunch with a simple ‘I want to get to know him better.’ But the flirting? The ‘You thought of me yesterday? I’m flattered.’? That was a different story. Why, oh why had he said such a thing? Honestly, it had just popped up in his mind and he said it, not thinking. But now that he had to think about what he had done, he wished it had never happened. He blamed his brain for this mishap.
Yet somewhere inside him, he knew that it wasn’t so simple. A part of him acknowledged that Jax was indeed good-looking and on the nicer side of people. In other words, he was dateable. But then there was the question of did Logan like him? Better yet, did Jax like him? Would he even have a chance if he did happen to like Jax?
Logan was getting ahead of himself. Why consider things like that if he hadn’t even worked out whether or not he liked the other boy? Not to mention William. It was no secret in the Matthews household that William despised any member of the LGBTQ+ community. He would, at the very least, kick Logan out if he dated a guy. In a way, that might actually be better in his current situation. But no—he couldn’t leave Kris. Besides, knowing Willian, he would first find a way to make his life even more of a hell than it already was before making the choice to kick him to the curb.
First things first, he had to decipher his reasons behind the ‘flirting’. He was unsure of how to do that. Maybe he could ask someone to help? But something that was a mystery to even himself surely must be even more of a mystery to others. Harper and Riley would both scold him for doing such a thing before trying to help. They would tease him about it until the day he died if he told them, so they were definitely a no-go. Jax himself wasn’t an option for obvious reasons. It was strange to go to your brother-in-law for such things, and he didn’t want to add more to Kuro and Joshua’s plates.
That left only one person that Logan would even consider talking to about this. And that person was his litter sister. But Kris…
Kris, like Logan himself, was under the control of their father. And he was unsure of her feelings towards the LGBTQ+ community. They never spoke about such things under William’s roof, afraid that he may hear them. Would telling Kris cause her to tell his father?
He preferred not to find out.
Great. Just perfect. That meant he was on his own trying to navigate a multitude of emotions he had never experienced before. That was simply lovely.
Well, they said it helped to not bottle up your thoughts in your head. He could write them down and shred, burn, crumple and destroy the paper to his desire later to ensure nobody ever realised its contents. Perhaps that would be best; that way, he could truly organise them and set them in front of him rather than attempt to mentally arrange them.
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