Did I hear her right? Am I hallucinating? Wendy likes me? Romantically? She likes me romantically? Me? ME? Why me of all people? I’m a loser and I have no friends. What’s so lovable about me?

This is definitely a dream like before. I pinch my arm. I am not in my bed. Maybe a stronger force will return me to my bedroom. I slap myself. I’m still in the living room.

Wendy scolds me. “Why are you slapping yourself? Stop that!”

I give her a look of disbelief. “You like me?”

“Yes.”

“How? Why?”

Wendy seems confused. “What do you mean? I am a woman attracted to men. Of course I’d fall for you.”

I get that she’s straight, but of all the men in the world, why me? I point to myself. “Why would you fall for me? Look at me!”

“Yeah, you’re ghostly, but I’ve fallen for that. Yes, my exes all had bulkier bodies, but I don’t care about body types. Eugene, why can’t you believe in me?”

It’s hard to accept her feelings when I’ve never experienced love before. I’ve never had a girlfriend let alone a crush until now. However, from what I know about Wendy is that she’s not superficial. She has always been honest towards me. From her expression, I can tell that her feelings are genuine. What should I do? Rejecting her feelings wouldn’t be right since I share the same feelings. However, I also cannot bring myself to say that I feel the same. If I confess, our relationship will take one step further. We will become lovers. However, how will I know if these feelings will last when we advance? What do I expect from relationships?

“I know you’re not lying…but I’ve never been in a relationship before let alone in love. I don’t know the fundamentals.”

“Then, I’ll teach you! Being in love and being in a relationship are wondrous things!”

“I don’t think I’m confident…”

“Then, I’ll wait for your answer.”

Wendy looks at me with hope. She can tell I like her back and she’s going to be assertive about it until she hears those three words from me. I gulp. I feel like I’ve been lured in like she is a predator and I am a prey. A game of cat and mouse, except the cat is in love with the mouse. She won’t stop until the mouse—me—is completely in her grasp.

“If you’re fine with waiting for a long time, then go for it?”

“You’ll fall for me. I know it.” Where does she get that confidence?

She stands up. “First, I need you to know me a bit better.” She grabs my hand and pulls me up. “Since we’re both artists, it’s only fair that you can see my art since I saw yours. I’ll show you what I draw!”

Excitement overwhelms me. I get to see what another artist makes with my own eyes. In a matter of seconds, I am already out of my apartment and being taken next door. Wendy unlocks the door. Gustav greets us happily. Her apartment is quite dim; I can’t really make out what the interior looks like.

She takes me into a dark room across from the living room and stops. She lets go of my hand. I can hear her gulping. “Eugene, promise me you won’t hate me when I show you my art.”

“Why would I hate you?”

“It’s because people say my art is weird.”

“Weird is a subjective word. What is weird can be considered beautiful to others. What is beautiful to others can be weird.”

Silence responds to me. I hear her walk a few steps and then I hear the sound of a switch flipping. In the illuminated room, I see canvases and loose sketches of the male anatomy. Some are completely painted. Some are halfway finished. Some look like drafts. I’m surprised she draws the male anatomy so well. I never knew a male body could be depicted like this. She really did take Gustav Klimt as an influence.

I noticed one drawing that had a red X plastered on it. The face looks like the ex boyfriend from before. It makes me realize that she draws and paints all of the men she dated or met in her life. All of them were men of different races, but no Asians. A sense of doubt pricks at me. Is Wendy truly in love with me as a person or does she like me because of art? 

Wendy mutters, “What are your thoughts?” She is behaving quite meekly. She looks away and pokes both of her index fingers together.

“I’m surprised you can draw the male body better than I can.”

 “You…don’t think I’m weird or gross?”

Why is she being doubtful of herself? It’s getting a bit annoying to listen to her. “Why would you think I’d say that?”

“Every guy I dated said I was weird for drawing their nude bodies for art.”

“That’s just an opinion.”

“You don’t think I’m some kind of pervert?”

“Well, you are a pervert, but I don’t mind as long as you’re not harming others.”

Wendy looks away from my gaze. “I had dated men for art purposes and sex. They wanted to meet me because I’m Asian. It was a win-win situation for both of us until I got tired of mindless sex and they got tired of me not being the “ideal” Asian woman they wanted. My relationships always failed because of that. Every time they see my drawings, they become disgusted with me. They always ask why I can’t be their ideal pure and demure Asian woman that only focuses on the man they love and such. Then, they tell me they hated being objectified. Ironic when they dated me because they objectified me.”

She seems to have a rough love life.  From her tone alone, I can tell how much she has become jaded. Compared to her love life, I am just a sprout. I’m not too sure what to say after hearing this.

Carefully, I ask, “Am I the same as the other guys you dated?”

Wendy makes eye contact with me. “You’re different. At first, I thought you were intriguing in how lanky and slender your build is compared to the others. I also really liked how ghostly you looked. I wanted to draw you. However, the more I get to know you, the more I like you and that’s how these feelings became love.”

Her warm words of affection make my heart warm and fuzzy. The way she speaks encourages me to understand what it means to love and find the confidence to confess my own feelings for her.

Right now, what I need is an understanding of love. Perhaps, I can get advice from Jay and Eura regarding this matter.