Thoughts and feelings swirled around inside me, making me numb to everything around me. The sandwich I had just eaten now felt like it wanted to get back up. I couldn’t hear Barrie if he was talking. I couldn’t complete a single coherent thought.

The only thing that managed to get out of my mouth, the only thing I seemed to be able to say, was the very treacherous sound of my own voice, asking Barrie to tell me more.

Had I really just been waiting for an external excuse all along? Was I that weak?

I hated ‘him’. I never wanted to go back. I never wanted to see his smile again, nor hear his voice whispering my name.

But I also couldn’t get rid of him. He would always be there in the back of my mind, whispering.

When Barrie started to talk this time, I was listening.

“It’s simple, really. He wants to get you back, you want to be free, and I want to get him out of the way. So, what if he thinks he gets you back, and then you take your freedom with force, which make my wish come true as well?” Barrie’s eyes were murderous. Did he want me to kill him? No, that couldn’t be, right?

“Of course I’m not asking you to kill him or anything as violent as that. What I want is to ‘get him out of my way’. In other words, your job would be to either dig up some dirt on him, enough to get him locked up for years, and if that fails, plant some evidence on him for the same reason.”

“Prison?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine even prison being able to hold him.

“He locked you up. Isn’t it only fair for you to return the favor?” Barrie chuckled. I nearly asked how he knew that, but it didn’t matter much.

“I don’t want to see him.” I finally said, looking like someone who had considered the offer.

“Oh, River, don’t be like that. You’re the only one for the job. He is waiting for you. Expecting you any day, now. Doesn’t it upset you to no end? Infuriate you? His arrogance would never see your betrayal coming. He is so assured of his victory the second you go back to him, that he would never notice anything you did against him until it was too late. Can you imagine it, River? The face of utter disbelief he would make? Writhing pain and despair and confusion, as he tries to figure out how it could have happened. How YOU, of all people, could have pulled one over on him.” As he talked, Barrie got closer and closer to shouting in excitement. His arm-movements got bigger and bigger along with the terrifying smile on his face.

Could I imagine it? No. Yes. Maybe.

Could I actually go through with something like that? No.

Yes?

…Maybe.

Except, there was one thing Barrie didn’t seem to know, even with everything he had found out about my past.

When… If, I corrected myself.

If I ever went back to ‘him’, he would never let me go. He would lock me back up in his cage, where he would once again be my entire world. There would be no way I could find any evidence against him, much less plant anything, or even get into contact with the outer world once I was within his grasp.

“A caged bird can’t sing.” I answered, speaking as if it was a matter that was completely unrelated to me.

Barrie had a moment of confusion flicker across his face, then it cleared to understanding.

“Ah, River. What am I to do about you. You don’t seem to realize the power you hold over him, at all. Never did. If you don’t want to be locked up, you simply need to ask him not to do so.”

…Ask him?

Now, wasn’t that just one ridiculous idea after another. If simply asking him could ever have solved my problems, I would have a rather easy life by now.

“You don’t know him like I do.” I answered coldly. Why had I entertained the idea of going back for even a second? Did I want to ruin my life so badly that any excuse would do?

“It’s exactly because I don’t know him like you do, I can see things that you can’t. You have been away from him for, what? A year now?” He looked to me for confirmation, and after I gave him the slightest of nods, he continued.

“A year! A year without you! Can you imagine how he might start to worry? He might not worry about whether you are coming back or not, he is sure you will eventually do so, but he is worried about losing time with you. And that is something you can use as leverage.” Barrie looked at me, willing me to understand what he was saying.

Leverage. I had never had that against ‘him’ before. Using time? Time with me? To make a bargain?

I suppose, he never did like waiting. He was patient, but that didn’t mean he liked it.

Understanding dawned on me. I could ask him not to lock me up in exchange for coming back to him now. A definite timeline. He wouldn’t be able to say no. He would have me, willingly, and he would accommodate me enough for me to want to stay.

If I tried to run, I had no doubt I would be locked up, but… Yes, he wanted me to want to stay, and he wanted me as soon as possible.

“I can see you have this all thought out. But what’s in it for me? I am free of him even if I don’t go back.” Barrie laughed, just as Olyvar had done when I mentioned I was ‘free’, to him. He stopped quickly, however, and looked at me with a judging glare.

“You have lost every single job you’ve had, correct? Over petty reasons, within two or three months at the most.” Barrie’s sudden change of subject was so abrupt I simply nodded.

“Don’t you find that odd?” He looked at me as if I was stupid, even though he had previously agreed that I was not.

“I didn’t work at a lot of legit businesses. I guess there’s a high turnover rate the-“ I didn’t get to finish.

“Did anyone else get hired and fired as often as you, in the places you worked?” Barrie asked.

And then it hit me. A thought that had been nagging at me, just out of reach. I DID get fired for petty reasons. For ‘weird’ looks or a ‘bad’ attitude or ‘lack of customer skills’ or ‘sudden cut-offs’.

“He didn’t…” I whispered, trying to hold myself together.

“Sean is a man of many talents. Making sure you only barely make enough to survive wouldn’t be harder for him than moving his little finger.” Barrie looked at me with pity.