Ugh, it's so hot. I hate the heat, I hate the sun. I'm sitting on the grass stretching my legs when someone's shadow blocks out the sun.

"What are you doing here?" 

"I can't be here?" Steel asks me as he takes a seat beside me.

"That's not it, I just didn't expect you."

"Dah that's why it's a surprise."

"Ummm."

He gives me a thousand-watt smile. "You and Fiat have been off lately. Jay went to check in on him and I came to you."

"And who's checking on Art? Cause he's the weirdest these days," 
I say while pulling my hair off my neck and putting it up in a ponytail.

"Well, he is a different kind of weird I think we should all tackle that one together."

"What kind of weird am I?"

"Well Clover's always weird, but today she's sadder than I like to see her."

He brushes his shoulder against mine, prompting me to look at him.

"Spill. What's wrong?"

I consider his question for a moment. "Nothing, but everything I think."

He considers my statement. "Tell me the first thing."

"School I guess, you know that was always difficult for me. It's only gotten harder and we just started. And everything feels so out of my control. I was just a senior, I was the boss in my cheer team, now I'm back to the bottom of the totem pole, fetching water and towels for the seniors. And they make us practice outside, even though there is a perfectly air-conditioned gymnasium, literally right there I don't get it. Ugh, I want to quit."

"Soo? Why don't you?"

"What? quit?"

"Yeah quit, we are at a big University now. There are a lot of different things you can try."

"I guess, but this is what I'm good at. Basically, the only thing I'm good at."

"How do you know that, if you don't try something else?"

I consider this. 

"What's the next thing?"

"Schools the next thing to, I don't know why but I feel behind the rest of the students. Like I don't know anything."

"Why don't you ask Art to help?"

"I would need to locate him, to ask for help. Besides, he babied all of us before but is it fair to ask him now? He probably has his own workload he is struggling with."

"Is that really why you're not asking him for help?"

"What do you mean?"

"Art always had a full courseload, Art always had varying interests and things he kept busy with, Art always pulled vanishing acts. But you always found him when you needed him, what's different now other than he got contacts and a haircut?"

He looks at me firmly. "I think I have successfully segued to your third problem. That's your cue."

I bite my lip and droop my shoulders.

"Fiat and Art." I mutter.

"Yes, Fiat and Art."

"Guess I'm not the only one who has noticed. That's embarrassing."

"Nothing is embarrassing between the five of us. How do you feel about it?"

"Would it be strange to you if I said exhausted?"

"No. Why does it make you feel exhausted?"

"I guess, it gets tiring acting like Fiat and Art isn't a thing. It's exhausting trying to figure out how I'm supposed to feel about it. I'm starting to think I feel wrong."

"How could you feel wrong?"

"I mean shouldn't I be upset? Which I think I am but not for the reasons I should. Do you understand what I mean?"

Steel furrows his brows. I take a moment to collect my thoughts and take a deep breath. I begin again.

"When we were younger I hated that Fiat paid so much attention to Art. I would get so jealous so I would do something to make Fiat pay attention to me. Right now he feels more distant than he ever has. Usually, I would try to bring him back with sex or get a new friend, but this time I don't want to. A part of me feels like I should be jealous, and a part of me feels like I should be angry or feel betrayed. But the most part of me just feels sad for all three of us."

"You don't feel angry or betrayed?"

"Honestly, I kinda want to feel like Art."

He looks at me confused.

"I want to feel new. I hate just banging my head against the same wall."

"I think it would help if you took some action."

"What action?"

Steel looks out onto the field and the other cheerleaders practicing and takes a deep breath. 

"It would help to leave behind the things you have outgrown, and challenge yourself to be new. If it doesn't make you happy anymore stop waiting for approval. It's not quitting, it's making room for new passions and new loves."

Steel looks at me and I stare back. When did this moron get so smart?

"Is it that simple?" I ask finally.

"It's your life, you're not a kid anymore. You answer to no one but yourself. It's that simple."

I look down at my fingers considering his words when Gem -my senior walks over and throws her towel at my lap.

"Since you have time to chit-chat, go get water for the team." She says rudely.

I look down at the towel for a moment and then at Steel. He smirks at me and shrugs. I take a deep breath and stand up. I smile at her. 

"Get your own water, I quit." I leave her standing there as Steel jumps up and follows me. 

As I'm walking away I realize I feel so much better. Steel might be on to something.