-Fiat-
My body feels tight. I feel frustrated and my mind is all foggy, making it impossible for me to understand my own feelings. I'm restless in my room, so I go to the gym. When I get inside, I spot Jay already lifting in front of the mirror.
I pat him on the back. "You're here?"
"Yeah, I've been waiting for you."
"How did you know I would come today?"
Jay shakes his head and smiles.
"This group is weird."
"It's not rocket science; you work out when you're upset." He says simply.
"How did you know I was upset?"
"Stupid question."
"Answer it anyways."
He places the weight he was using back in its tray and wipes the sweat from his brow with a small blue towel hanging around his shoulder.
"I have only known you all my life, and besides you don't hide it well."
I take a seat at the weight bench, and he walks behind me to load the weights.
"You gonna tell me what's wrong?"
I take a deep breath. "I don't know."
He loads the first set and looks down at me with his hands on his hips. I feel his eyes on me, so I look up at him. He shakes his head.
"You know." He says flatly as he walks over to the other side to load the rest of the weights.
"I don't."
"You do."
"I fucking don't."
He loads the weight roughly and it knocks against the metal bar and the sound echoes throughout the room.
"Shut up Fiat, Yes the fuck you do! Spirits guide me! I have never met someone so good at lying to themselves. You know what the fuck is wrong. Say it out and stop wasting everyone's time."
I look around the room, relieved that the room is empty beside us.
"No one is here, no one is listening. Say it."
I take a deep breath.
"Art."
"Finally! We are getting somewhere. What about Art?"
He nods at me signaling for me to lay back and press.
I groan as I lift the bar. He always loads it too heavy, but I don't complain. His hands hover under mine making sure I can support the weights.
"What about Art?" He asks again. I complete the first five sets and sit up.
"He's Art I guess."
"Yeah and?"
"He is different."
"Sometimes it's like pulling teeth with you." He shoves my shoulder. "Second set."
I take advantage of the reprieve and do a second set of 5 reps.
"Is it so hard to simply admit that you miss him?"
"Yes, yes it is."
"Why?"
"How often have you told me you miss Steel?"
"I never have to miss Steel he is always there to get under my fucking skin, and besides Steel and I aren't like You and Art, are we? If anything, I would say you and Art are more similar to Gear and Me."
I snap up and glare at him.
"What are you talking about?"
Jay shakes his head. "There you go again."
"What?"
"What? What? You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about, but you're doing that denial shit. But guess what I'm not Clover, I'm not Steel, and I damn sure not dumbass Art who will entertain your bullshit."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
He glares at me until I look away.
"I'm not doing this with you." He says finally and walks away.
"Text me when you grow some balls and want to have a real conversation."
"Fuck you!" I yell after him. He flicks me the bird in return without turning around.
-Jay-
Man, my friends are so annoying. I walk out into the parking lot and head to my bike when my phone rings. I answer it quickly.
"Are you coming here?"
"Yes, I'll be on my way shortly. I'm going to pick up dinner first."
"Don't, I already made something."
I perk up. "You did? What?"
"You'll have to come here to see. Did you talk to him?"
My shoulders instantly droop and I roll my eyes.
He chuckles softly, "I'll take that as a yes, and a no it didn't go well."
"You don't know everything."
"Don't I?"
"Maybe you do. I miss you."
"If you miss me come and get me then."
I smile when I hear him say that. "On my way." I hang up the phone and pull my helmet on.
Gear lives in a house not too far from campus that his parents rent for him. I'm there less than 10 minutes later. I like being there it's spacious and there is privacy, unlike my dorm. As soon as I open the front door I am met by a pleasant smell. I set my stuff down at the door and head to the kitchen.
Gear is sitting on a barstool at the kitchen island with one of his legs bent up next to him, flipping through a magazine. He doesn't look up when I approach. I kiss him on the head and walk over to the stove.
Yes! Steamed rice, pork, and vegetables. I load up my plate and take a seat beside him. I take a few bites, it's so good. "I love you," I say with a full mouth.
"Why? Cause I feed you?" He finally looks up at me, he is wearing these big glasses that make him look like a kid. How can he be this adorable?
I shake my head. He squints his eyes and nods contradicting my answer.
"Well, that isn't the only reason then," I say as I scoop another spoonful of rice into my mouth. I fork a piece of pork and offer it to him, and he swats it away.
"I ate already." He says looking back at his magazine.
"You don't eat enough, that's why you're so tiny."
"Leave it" He warns.
I shake my head and look at my plate.
"How did your heart-to-heart go?"
I'm instantly annoyed.
"No progress."
"You can't rush him, he'll get there in his own time."
"Is it so hard to admit you like a dude? He is acting like a child."
"Don't be so hard on him, it might be easy for you to admit it but you don't know the internal struggle that he is currently having."
"I would understand if he had parents that were hard on him or couldn't come out to his friends. None of that is true I know his parents, they wouldn't care about that sort of thing, shit they know I'm gay and they never batted an eye. My parents had a tougher time with it, and I know all his friends."
"And Clover? Will she be ok with it?"
I sit back in my seat suddenly feeling guilty.
"Clover is strong. Are Art and Fiat obligated to hide their feelings to protect her? I know her well enough to know that would piss her off more."
"More than her boyfriend looking her in the eye and telling her he prefers dudes and not just any dude but their best friend?"
He raises his eyebrow and shoots me that look I hate. The look that tells me I'm being a bullheaded idiot.
"Maybe, maybe not. But the situation in its current state isn't working. Art has gone fully ghost, and when we do see a sliver of him he's so different we can hardly recognize him, Fiat is mad all the time, Clovers walking eggshells around the situation, I'm trying not to lose my shit, and Steel...well Steel, is Steel from what I can see that goofball is fine."
"I was thinking about asking Art if the photography club needs models. Do you think they do?" He changes the subject cooly. I glare at him and he smiles at me.
"Everything will work out in its own time, and not a minute before, no matter how much you try to rush it along." He reaches over and pats my head. I grab his hand and bite the inside of his palm.
I look back at him and all of a sudden I feel a lot better. I smile.
"Do you think Art needs models?" He asks again.
"Don't talk about other men after 6 pm." I warn. He looks at me confused.
"Why?" He eyes me suspiciously.
I stand up and walk over to him nonchalantly, and lean down as if I'm going to kiss him. Instead, I pull him up and toss him over my shoulder, and head to the stairs.
"You ridiculous man" he curses me as I carry him to the bedroom.
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