-Tee-
-I forced myself not to call or text him the entire weekend. It was hard to give him space and I missed him too much.
Monday morning I went next door to find him.
His dad opens the door with a smile and I tentatively return it. I feel completely on edge from not seeing him but I take a deep breath and zombie my way through the pleasantries
"So what's up kid?" He asks finally.
"I just thought I would hang out with Arie. I haven't seen him since Friday."
He looks at me confused.
"Tee...Arie isn't here."
"Where is he?"
"His mother and I put him on a train yesterday evening. He decided to spend the summer in Florida with his grandparents. Didn't he tell you?"
My heart drops.
I shake my head after a minute. "We fought. I think he is a little mad at me."
He places his hand on my shoulder.
"This is for the best you boys have been practically glued together for too long."
I can only blink at him.
"I'm going to call him." I mutter as I turn to leave.
-I sit on my bed and call his number ten times in a row. He doesn't answer. I text him he doesn't reply.
I hardly know when I grabbed my keys or when I got in my car. But I find myself on the highway and hours later I'm in Jacksonville.
I knock on the door and he answers wearing pink sunglasses.
He chuckles. "A record for you."
"Why did you do that?"
"What?"
"Leave without telling me. Not answer my calls or text."
He takes a deep breath,
"Tee, we are done. I have nothing else for you. Take the summer get over it. You're the one that ended it. Why do I need to tell you we need space?"
I don't want to admit to him or myself that he's right. In the end it doesn't matter to me I rush him wrapping my arms around him and burying my nose in his neck to take in his scent.
He takes a frustrated breath and his back goes rigid but I'm grateful he doesn't push me away.
"You're being too cruel," I mutter after a while.
"No. I'm letting go of a toxic situation. You aren't good for me. I'm done Tee. Let me go."
I listen to his words. I always do but my heart never lets me do right by Arie. My arms hold him tighter on their own accord.
I don't know how long we stand there in the entryway but after a while he reaches back to pull my arms, freeing himself.
He steps away from me, quickly wiping at his eyes.
"You have your parents. You have friends, you will be ok."
I hate this part of me. I feel like stomping my foot and screaming No.
It's been barely three days and my anxiety is through the roof. I step forward and try to kiss him.
He pulls his glasses off to scowl at me.
And again he makes me feel small like a child who did something they shouldn't. He seems to catch his anger before he snaps at me.
He pushes his sunglasses back onto his eyes.
"Get out Tee."
The urge to tantrum grows but my pride won't let me.
"I'll give you space," I say finally.
What I can see of his expression doesn't change.
"You're upset with me. I'll give you the summer. I won't bother you. But I'm not letting you go. I won't let you leave me behind."
He slips his hands in his pockets. I can't see his eyes but I vividly feel him looking through me.
I don't want to leave. I want to make him understand something I have no right to. I convinced myself that if I give him space he can forgive me.
I urge my legs to move a few feet until I'm outside. The instant difference from the cool foyer to the Florida heat sobering me a bit.
I look at him again, his signature Shirley Temple-like curls loose around the edges of his high ponytail. Framing his face and making him more beautiful than any man should be.
"I love you Arie," I tell him before turning around and heading back to my car.
I know it isn't right and I know I'm not being fair to him but I can't think about that. I can't think of anything else but how much I hurt without him.
My conscience refuses to focus any longer on the fact that he hurts being with me.
-Arie-
-I don't watch him leave I just close the door behind him as I remind myself why this is necessary. I ignore my itchy limbs that desperately want to dash out the door and into his arms.
"What's the point?" I murmur aloud.
But really what does he expect from me?
To be his sidekick during the day and his courtesan the nights when the mood strikes him forever.
Just so he can continue to fuck me and then remind me that I will never be what he truly wants because of what's nestled between my legs.
No matter what I can't change it. I can't change myself. I can't make him love me back..dick and all.
So please tell me Tee, What is the fucking point of any of this?
Forever holding me by a thread wishing that maybe one day he will love me like I love him?
Pathetic.
My mind relives how terrified he looks when that demon evades his dreams and a shard of guilt stabs my heart.
"He isn't your responsibility Arie. He has his parents. He has friends. He won't be alone." I reiterate to calm my racing heart and burning lungs.
I decide then. For my sanity, I have to step off the hamster wheel.
I'm not coming back Tee.
I didn't want to go this far but deep down I knew I would have to.
I haven't even told my parents but my gay uncles invited me to stay with them in Miami. It's scary to leave everything I know but what's scarier now is facing Tee and falling into his arms and his bed like always.
Just to wake up to the light of day and remember that I am nothing to him.
My mind is made up. I'm going to Miami finishing my senior year at the local high school. It's not like I have any friends besides Tee to go back to.
He makes me so weak. I can't be anywhere near him and allow him to continue to use me up until there is nothing left.
I know that his attachment to me isn't healthy and a part of me knows he doesn't want to hurt me.
*****
How did we get here? I hate to think about it.
I hate to think about my small part in the story.
I don't know how Tee lives with what happened to him.
I'm his safety blanket. I soothe him and make him feel safe when the demon invades his dreams. Making him relieve and relieve the most hellish week of his life.
I try to imagine what he went through and each time the fear stops me. To imagine Tee so small and so helpless living in constant fear for six days.
My memory is shrouded by the innocence of that young age. It doesn't escape me that the innocence that protects me was stripped away from Tee savagely forcing him to remember that time in detail.
The day the demon took Tee. We were together like any other day, playing and laughing until a dark cloud befell us.
I will never know or want to know why the demon didn't take me.
Deep down I know that Tee wouldn't have let him. Even then, I wasn't the same. I watched him take Tee away not understanding why. He was an adult and I was just five.
I didn't really understand why our parents were so frantic or why so many police came.
I only understood that I lost Tee.
It's dark outside why isn't he coming? Our moms never let us go outside when it's dark. Tee why aren't you coming?
In my little kid's mind, I didn't understand how long he was gone. At five my mind only understood that I had gone to bed and woke up without seeing my best friend too many times.
Now that I'm older I understand Tee was taken for six days. He spent five nights and six days with a demon.
I faintly remember being terrified that I lost Tee and I would never see him again. That it was my fault he was lost.
But Tee was never lost he was taken.
When I did finally see him again it was at the hospital. His parents were crying and my parents were comforting them.
I couldn't understand why everyone was so sad. He looked the same as he always did. Shouldn't we be celebrating?
Tee isn't lost anymore and he isn't hurt....anywhere that I could see.
I ran to his hospital bed and climbed in but he wouldn't talk.
He would barely look at me.
Sometimes he cried and when he slept he had nightmares.
He still has nightmares.
I would cuddle close to him and hold him tight until he stopped crying in his sleep.
It started then..me being his safety blanket.
Growing up we hardly ever spent a night apart after his parents realized that my being with him helped with his severe post-traumatic stress.
And I never wanted to be away from him. I would never let him be taken again even if the scary demon man tried. I would yell, fight, scratch, and bite him if he tried to hurt Tee again.
I promised him. I'm sorry Tee.
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