A/N: 🌹🌹🌹
**{I Don't Want To Live Forever- Zayn & Taylor Swift}
-Tee-
I just can't live without him. If anyone's to blame it's Arie. He crossed the line first.
When I was 15 I got my first girlfriend. Her name was Kelly. Hands down the prettiest girl in school. She was in my math class and I would catch myself staring at her.
She had long wavy blonde hair. I used to call her Goldilocks, she hated that.
It wasn't long until I just asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend.
At first, Arie seemed fine with it. He even barely complained when I started studying with her instead but it wasn't long until I realized he was just really good at hiding his feelings.
One afternoon I ditched Arie to hang out with Kelly. Arie had come looking for his game and walked in on us kissing.
It was a very strange moment. He was only my friend but the second I looked up at him staring at us from the doorway deep down I knew I did something wrong.
He turned and ran away and without me instructing my body to my limbs followed. I caught him in the driveway. I took hold of his arm and he yanked himself away.
The moment I saw his flushed face drenched with tears I was sick with guilt.
"What?!" He snapped.
"Why are you upset?"
"Why are you so stupid?! You know! You just pretend you don't!." He yelled at me.
"I won't know if you don't tell me, Arie."
He wipes at his face but more tears fall.
"Break up with her!" He screams so loudly Kelly must have heard from inside. She never said she did but she must of.
"What? Why?"
"Because if you don't I will never talk to you again!"
I didn't know what to say. So I said nothing. In the end, he just turned around and walked out of the gate.
That was the first time we ever really fought. I didn't know how to handle it. As I walked back to my room I convinced myself that he didn't mean it. Why would he?
But the next three weeks proved I was wrong.
He somehow convinced his mother to drive him to school each morning. I missed him on the bus.
Then he stopped showing up to lunch. I sat with Kelly instead and for the first week, it was ok.
But by the second week, the nightmares had started again and the distance between us hurt more and more.
I tried going to his house to talk to him but every single time he would just lock his bedroom door and wait for me to go away.
By the end of the second week, I was a mess. I wasn't sleeping and I ached inside all the time.
By the beginning of the third week, I broke up with Kelly.
It felt like the more I missed Arie the less I liked Kelly.
I text Arie and told him I was sorry but he still didn't reply.
I went to his house, he still wouldn't see me. By Friday that week, I was a mess.
I was heartbroken. At lunch that Friday I couldn't take it anymore I had to find him.
I looked everywhere. When I finally found him hiding behind the gym building lunch was almost over and I was hysterical.
"You said to break up with her! I did, why are you still avoiding me?!" I snapped.
He was sitting on the ground resting his back against the cement wall reading a comic.
He looked up at me for nearly a minute, blinked, and went back to his comic.
"Why are you being this way?" I asked feeling so desperate and uncomfortable.
"I'm over it. Get back with her." He muttered not bothering to look up at me.
I snapped then I took hold of his arm and pulled him up.
I pushed him against the wall and held him there by his shoulders.
"Why are you being such an asshole?! You got what you want. You're supposed to be my best friend!" I screamed in his face.
"Ex-best friend! Go kiss you're girlfriend and leave me alone!"
He bellowed as angry tears ran down his face. He struggled to get out of my hold but he couldn't. Arie has always been tiny he was 14 but looked 10.
I don't know why I did it then. Or it's hard to admit...admit that I always wanted to. I put my arm against his neck forcing him still and kissed him.
Just a peck on the lips before I quickly stepped back to see his reaction.
His big hazel eyes looked like saucers.
We just stared at each other for a long time.
"Why-...Why did you do that?" He asks finally.
My answer was that I think I wanted to do that for a long time. I think that I always wanted to kiss him even more than I did Kelly.
"I just wanted to," I admit finally.
I was shocked by his reaction. Arie steps forward and wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me down to meet his lips. Longer this time and deeper. He even stuck his tongue in my mouth. I hadn't even done that with Kelly.
But I didn't stop him...because I liked it. I liked him holding on to me...and kissing me.
I don't know how long we stood there kissing. We didn't stop until the bell rang signaling the end of lunch.
Arie pulled back but didn't let go of my neck.
His big hazel eyes bounced across my face.
"You're not allowed to kiss anyone but me." He says finally.
"Is that why you were so mad at me?"
He slowly nodded.
"Then I won't kiss anyone but you. But you're still my best friend and you aren't allowed to not talk to me."
"Did you miss me?" He asked with a cute smirk.
I nod slowly.
"Did I make you sad?"
I nod again.
"You made me sad too. I won't do it again but don't kiss anyone but me." He says pouting.
"I promise."
..And that was it. After that when we were alone we could hardly keep our hands off of each other. We agreed not to tell people and what we did in private slowly progressed.
Until his sixteenth birthday we were fooling around but we didn't stop. That's the first time we had sex.
And it was good. It's always good with Arie and he is patient with my boundaries.
I never ...touch him there. And that's fine with him...or he insists that it is.
I kept my promise for a long time I didn't hook up with anyone else.
But then I did. And I liked it and it made me realize I really like girls.
I'm starting college and I thought now would be the best time.
But not for a single moment could I see my life without him beside me.
I try to write him on Facebook but his page disappeared. He blocked me. I don't know where he is, he won't answer my calls or text. I have never been this dejected in my life.
Arie aren't you being too cruel?
The year passed so slowly, or quickly I couldn't quite tell. I found foundation and routine but every single night I thought of him. The nightmares came back I took for granted just how much Arie kept them at bay.
I moved closer to campus in the condo my parents bought. My mom told me to make the second room an office but I couldn't bare to.
I throw myself into training. I had a free ride thanks to the sports scholarship and I worked hard to maintain my stats and grades. Then I met a girl her name is Bree.
We aren't exclusive, she wants to be but something holds me back from being too invested in her. I could say I don't know what it is..but I think I do.
I can't like her fully as long as I miss Arie. How much I miss him overshadows almost everything. I constantly try to distract myself but at night when all I have is the nightmares I crave him.
So instead of getting sleep, I sleep around. Mostly girls but once in a while a guy will remind me of Arie so I will take him to bed.
I stopped when I realized that I couldn't enjoy it. Each time it reiterated that I'm straight. Arie is just the exception.
Does he even think of me at all?
I stand on my balcony, another sleepless night. I don't know when I started crying. It happens sometimes when it builds up too much. I ache too much from missing him.
When will it get better?
It's strange one day I woke up and more than a year had passed. My second year starts in a little over a month.
Arie must have graduated. I plan to go to my parents for dinner I'll ask them about it.
I hope he didn't slack off. But I know him better than that without his parents and me around he must be wild.
I can imagine him loving the fast paced life of Miami.
He always hated how slow and country Georgia could be. He threatened to steal a cow and ride far away on its back.
I laugh aloud at the memory...
"That is it! I'm stealing a cow and getting out of this hillbilly town!" He exclaimed.
"A cow?"
He pouts adorably, "My legs are too short to try to mount a horse."
I laugh again thinking of just how ridiculously cute he is when he pouts.
His face, his smell, his laugh, they all haunt me.
I take a long hot shower and try to shake the dull ache in my chest that I never seem to get used to.
I only turn off the water when the water starts to turn cold. I grab a towel and walk out of the bathroom drying my hair.
I head out to grab some clean clothes out of the laundry room when I hear a cough.
I look up and Caleb is standing in the kitchen helping himself to anything in my fridge.
He laughs aloud, "Dude, nice dick. It's a lot bigger than I thought it'd be."
I roll my eyes and lower the towel to wrap around my waist.
"How the hell did you get in here?"
"I used my key." He says with a not-at-all-endearing pout.
"That key is in case of emergency you dingus. Give it back now!"
He eats dry cereal out of the box.
He takes a slow breath as if he's hurt, "Is that any way to talk to your best friend?"
Best friend? Try frenemy.
Caleb my fullback, we get along ok...when he isn't talking.
I take an annoyed breath, "Why are you here?"
"Did you forget we're supposed to go eat at your parent's house."
"We? Why the hell would you go?"
"You're mom invited me."
"What? When?"
"When we were at the gym days ago. You were pressing and being a dick. You're phone was ringing so I answered. Audrey and I had a long talk. By the way, Is your mom hot? She sounds hot."
I look at him in disgust. Which never deters him.
"Is she single?"
My eyes go wide in disbelief.
"You're asking if my mom is single." I talk slowly trying to digest the conversation.
"Yeah, I thought it would be rude to ask her." He shrugs as he shoves another handful of dry cereal into the garbage disposal he calls a mouth.
"She's married to my dad asshole," I say through my teeth.
"Ok. Does she cheat?" He asks with his mouth full.
His question is sobering. In a moment I remember who I'm talking to.
I walk to the Landry room without another word. I don't even acknowledge him on my way back.
"Fuck off before I get back," I say as I slam my bedroom door.
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