A/N:🌹🌹🌹
**{Dead Horse}{by: Hayley Williams}
-Clover-
It's hard to breathe. I stare out of my window not really seeing. The image starts to replay in my head. Fiat and Art arguing and tussling in the parking lot. I wonder to myself if they ever stop and think about how they look to everyone around them. How they look to me. Like lovers.
I don't know why but I start to laugh, not just giggle but I burst into laughter. The driver looks back at me and that makes me laugh harder. I might be deranged. I'm so lost in my joker laughing fit I didn't notice that I had arrived at my dorm.
I robotically rate my driver 5 stars and climb the steps and reach for the door. I pull and it doesn't open. I pull again, it's locked. My head drops back and I look up at the dark sky. "FUUUUUUCCCCkkkk."
"Nice Mouth." A voice says behind me.
I quickly turn, it's Gem from my ex-cheerleading group.
I greet her, with no enthusiasm.
"You locked out?" She asks me.
I lean my back against the door and slide down taking a seat on the ground.
"Why are you looking so down? What happened to the sassy girl that quit the cheerleaders without an official resignation letter."
"Go ahead and hold your breath for that letter," I mumble
"I heard that."
"I would hope so, I didn't think it," I say sarcastically.
"Are you always this charming? Or am I just lucky?"
I look up at her and roll my eyes.
"Why would I charm you? Does this sound familiar? Get us water Freshy, Get us towels Freshy, You didn't bring snacks freshy?"
"You took that personally?"
"Who wouldn't?"
I clear my throat and mimic her again. "If you have time to chit-chat and lollygag, why don't you do something useful and get water for the team."
"I don't think I used the word lollygag"
"I'm paraphrasing."
I cross my arms and glare up at her. She rolls her eyes at me and reaches into her bag.
"Move out of the way." She quickly unlocks the door and waits for me to stand up.
"You have a Key?" she opens the door and I quickly duck inside.
"I have key." She states flatly.
"Why do you have a key?"
"You're nosy. Don't be late again or there will be consequences." She warns and heads for the door near the elevator. I push the button and watch her go inside and close it.
-Art-
I feel like I should text Clover. It's her boyfriend she should be dealing with this.
"Fiat, if you are upset, or lonely or whatever why don't you text Clover?"
No answer.
"I mean she's your girlfriend shouldn't all whatever this is, be directed at her?"
No answer. Am I being kidnapped? I am really at a loss. He won't answer any of my questions and he is driving me in the opposite direction of my dorm.
Is he going to murder me?
I'm relieved when we turn into his dorm building. It would be stupid to try to murder me here. It's all lit up and there are a lot of witnesses.
He parks, walks around, and opens my door. He grabs my arm and pulls me from the car. I grab at his hand and try to free myself, but he holds me tightly.
"Fiat, I can walk myself. You don't need to drag me. I'm not even fighting back anymore. Can you be somewhat reasonable?"
No answer. I'm frustrated, I can't even be mad because I'm so confused. I don't feel like fighting anymore so I let myself be dragged along to the elevator and down the hall to his dorm. He lets go only when we reach the door. He unlocks it and pulls me inside. The lights are on and I stand awkwardly by the door after he locks it.
"Ok, I let you drag me all the way here. Did you need to talk to me about something? What am I doing here?"
I watch as he opens his closet and pulls out random articles of clothing and tosses them onto his bed. I'm struggling to keep my patience and not lash out at him. I think doing that will only make matters worse.
When he is finished rummaging through his things he grabs my hand and drags me into the bathroom and closes the door shut trapping us inside. He starts to pull his clothes off, I look away from him. He brushes past me and turns the shower on. Not knowing what else to do with myself I sit on the closed toilet seat and look at my hands.
After he has adjusted the water he pulls me up by my wrist. I look everywhere but at him. He starts to pull off my clothes. I jerk my body away he just ignores me and unbuttons my shirt.
When he starts on my belt, I resign and start to step out of my shoes. Letting him strip me.
He then pushes me into the shower and comes in behind me. He wraps his arms around me tightly as the shower rains down over our heads.
-After we showered and dried and dressed. He lifts up the blanket signaling for me to get in. I do it without protest.
I feel exhausted, and my brain doesn't want to think or ask any more questions. I take my place on the inside and curl up in a ball under the comforter. He climbs in after me and wraps his body around mine. I feel his cheek resting against the back of my neck. Neither of us speaks, but I think we both are crying. I don't know when I drifted off to sleep, all I know is at some point the world was silent.
-I don't know what woke me up, but all of a sudden I was awake. Fiat's arm is still wrapped around me. I sit up and realize that this is the first time I have ever woken before him. I look down at him and gently stroke his hair off his face. He looks like a little boy. What am I doing? I can't do this anymore. I slip out of bed and look for my clothes.
I get dressed and head for the door to leave before he wakes up. My hand hovers over the doorknob, considering the events that played out last night. As I'm considering this I hear Fiat start to stir, and the decision makes itself. I put my hands in my pockets and walk over to his desk. I watch as he realizes that I'm gone and quickly looks around for me.
"I'm here, I didn't leave." I sit on the edge of the desk and look at him. I want to clarify my thoughts so I don't speak to him from a place of anger or hurt. I want him to understand me.
He sits up in bed, and peers out of the window.
"I need to talk to you." I start.
He gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom without saying anything. I feel the rage building.
I can hear him using the bathroom and the water starts running. A few moments later he opens the door and leans against the frame while brushing his teeth, he stares at me and I stare back at him. He walks back into the bathroom and I hear the water running again. He returns with a towel around his neck, wiping his mouth. He walks over to his fridge and opens it.
"What do you want for breakfast?"
I take a deep breath and walk over to him.
"This has to end."
"I have a few eggs, I can make you an omelet."
I'm done. I shake my head and walk towards the door. When something stops me. I have to say it.
"You can listen or you can ignore me but I will say this. I'll say it because for once it has nothing to do with how Fiat feels and what Fiat wants. For once it's about me....I'm not doing this anymore.....Whatever the hell this is. You act like the things you do are normal, but they aren't. You don't treat me like a friend and get upset when I don't treat you like one."
"What are you talking about?"
"You think what you did last night is normal? It's not.... I acknowledge I have to take some of the blame because I let things be this way."
"Be what way?"
"Be weird between us, we are weird. We don't act like friends. That always confused me. I know you're not gay so why do you try to fuck with my head?"
"I'm not."
I take a deep breath and start again.
"I'm moving on, and you need to stop trying to pull me back. I need you to stay away from me for the time being. If you consider me a friend, you'll respect that."
He glares at me. "Do you consider me one?"
I ignore him and continue.
"From now on any time you feel the urge to be possessive or force me to do something I don't want to do remind yourself that you have a girlfriend. Call her, for fuck sake haunt her life."
He slams the fridge door, but I don't care. I quickly turn and leave without saying another word or looking back.
-At my Dorm-
"Where did you disappear off to last night?" As I reach to unlock my room, Benz pops his head out of his room and glares at me.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I walk inside and Benz walks in behind me.
"You're wearing the same clothes, you go home with a date?"
"More like I was kidnapped by a lunatic."
He looks confused. I reach into my fridge and grab the soy milk, then a bowl and the cereal from on top of the cupboard. I bring everything to the table and busy myself. Benz comes and sits down.
"What happened."
"Honestly I don't have the energy to unpack that right now." I dig into my bowl and Benz watches me eat.
I'm eating quietly when Benz and I both look at the door at the same time. Someone is unlocking the door.
I snap up "You have got to be fucking kidding me." I say as Fiat enters my room.
Fiat looks from me to Benz. "Why are you here so early?"
"Just checking on a friend."
I am stunned silent. I slowly sit back down and decide in a moment that if I act like he is not there, he won't be. Note to self get the locks changed.
Benz chuckles and looks at my cereal bowl. "You done eating?" I stare at the bowl and nod my head. He reaches over the table and picks up the bowl to drink my milk. Suddenly Fiat is there and grabs a hold of Benz's wrist. He glares down at Benz.
Benz smirks up at him and pulls his arm away. "I'll take that as my cue." He stands up and heads for the door. "Call or Holler if you need me."
"This can't be happening," I whisper mostly to myself. "Was I unclear, earlier?" I ask dumbfounded. He takes a seat across from me.
"I'm sorry." He says simply.
I shake my head. "If you were really sorry you wouldn't be here right now, if you were sorry you damn sure wouldn't have let yourself into my dorm. Give me back my spare you fucking asshole."
"I am sorry, and I had to let myself in you wouldn't have let me in otherwise."
"You're RIGHT and that is my right. How can I ever believe you're sorry about the boundaries you keep overstepping if you're overstepping boundaries in the name of apologizing? Are you that fucking dense?"
I tap the side of my head. I glare at him until I feel a headache coming on. "What do you want?"
"I want us not to be mad at each other, I want to not feel upset, and I want you not to be upset at me."
"How is that even possible after your stunt last night? I'm sick of this."
"You don't think I am too?"
"You're the one causing it."
"I know"
"If you know, then stop! seek help! You're fucking crazy!"
I continue,
"I told you I loved you, You ignored me. I'm not mad at you for not feeling the same way I did. Why are you torturing me?"
"I'm not."
"You are, why won't you let me move on?"
He slams his fist against the table.
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DICKHEAD!"
I stare back at him for a long while.
"You don't," I say flatly
"I do." He challenges me
"You don't!"
"I do!"
I stand up and slam both of my hands on the table,
"YOU DON'T! AND IF YOU EVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN, I SWEAR TO YOU FIAT WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS AGAIN!"
He looks back at me stunned.
"Ugh, you are really the most impossibly selfish and ridiculous human I have ever met."
"Why don't you believe me? I wouldn't lie about this."
I shake my head.
"I didn't say you were lying. I said you didn't love me. I'm sure your mind worked really hard to justify your insane actions to your ego."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Let me put it this way, What about Clover Fiat?"
"What about her?"
"Exactly, what about Clover? You love me so much, why are you guys still together? Or do you love us both? Are we supposed to live happily ever after as a trio?"
He stares back at me. I roll my eyes and chuckle without humor. I head over to my dresser and grab some clothes.
"Don't ever do what you did last night again, either treat me the same as you treat Jay and Steel, or don't call me a friend at all anymore. Leave my spare on the table when you leave."
I walk into the bathroom and slam the door.
It comes as no shock to me when I walk out of my bathroom and Fiat is gone, and my key isn't on the table.
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