[befriending a Myriad]

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The green search button stares back at me. I want to click it again, but I have ran out of words to search. They say you can search anything from the internet nowadays, but the internet seems to be of no help right now.

My goal for today has been to clear the air. I want to let him know that I’m not telling anyone about him and that maybe we can be friends. Obviously, my over-friendly approach has not worked out so well. So now, he’s probably anxious at just the sight of me.

A hasteful knock awakens me from my thoughts.

“Big brother, can you come out for a while?” my sister Jae-In calls out; a hint of annoyance in her tone.

I open the door. “Yes?”

"Did you catch the woodpecker yet?"

"Woodpecker? What woodpecker?"

"I'm pretty sure there is one inside," she says, rolling her eyes.

Oh. She's referring to me. Or rather my habit. Tapping my knuckles on a table is one of my many habits. When deep in thought, I do it subconsciously. The harder I think, the faster I do the tapping. At school, I am able to catch myself when I’m about to do it (thankfully!). But at home, when all my guard is down, this is what happens.

“Sorry~" I give her my brightest smile.

"Well, sorry is not gonna cut it. I have papers due tomorrow. I cannot concentrate with all the noise."

I nod, not letting go of my beaming. If anyone from school will see us now, they will definitely start calling me Jae-In’s younger brother. She just started high school in TaeYang this year, but everyone already knows she is a "maknae on top".

She makes one more roll of her eyes and turns around towards her room just beside mine.

However, a sudden idea doesn’t want to let her go just yet.

“Jae-In, just a minute.”

She faces me with her brother-is-so-annoying look.

“Hmmm… I am in a bit of trouble. If you help me out, then you won’t hear any more tapping for the rest of the night. Not even any noise. How about it?”

She heaves a sigh. “Fine. What’s my brother’s prob—wait, are we talking here?”

“Oh right. Then, do come in, my sweet little sister.”

I step aside the doorway and swing my arms like I’m inviting a queen in my humble abode. She enters without comment on my sarcasm and sits herself in front of my computer. Fortunately, I’ve already closed the tab of my last search on the web browser.

“So…” I begin as I flop on my bed, “how do you befriend someone?”

The question jolts her up, and she bursts into laughter.

“Are we just gonna keep laughing?”

“Okay, sorry.”

She pushes her cheeks with her palms to force herself to stop laughing. She lets out a few more giggles before continuing.

“It’s just... you’re you. You’re like one of the most popular kids in school. If there’s anyone who needs advice in making friends, that’s me.”

“Yeah.... It’s just... I want to be friends with this person. But this person is quite… different.”

“Different? Oh.” Her eyes widen. “Ooooooooh, I get it!”

I shoot her with a confused look.

“This is a giiiiiirl problem. I never thought dating was in your vocabulary.”

“Wait. No, no. This isn't about dating. This person is a guy—”

“Oooooh, so you wanna date a guy?”

“Hey! Focus. Here me out first.”

She just nods and gives me a sinister grin.

“So. I accidentally discovered something about my classmate. A big secret. I tried to talk to him casually, buuuut… he had a nervous breakdown. I just wanted to let him know his secret is safe with me, and we can be friends.”

“Hmmm. If talking in person doesn’t work… have you tried sending him a message?”

“I think he doesn’t have any social media accounts.”

“Oh, that’s an odd person we have here. Text? Call?”

“I… don’t have his number. I’m not sure anyone does.”

“Wow. Ok. Then... old-school letter?”

Letter. That actually sounds nice. I can just leave the letter on his desk in the morning. He goes to school early, but I can beat him on some days. That sounds feasible.

“Will he read it if he sees it’s from me?”

“Brother, you’re such a smart student, and yet, you're so slow. Just don’t write your name. Instead, give clues who you are. He’ll have to read the whole letter to know it’s from you.”

“But… don’t some people hate letters?”

“Yes. But unfortunately, you don’t have other options.”

The appearance of the letter is important too. Should I use a normal piece of paper? How about an envelope?

“Are you perhaps composing the next hip hop craze?” Jae-In snaps me out of my subconscious knocking.

I make an embarrassed smile.

“Here’s the thing. Just be yourself. Don’t be all hung up on pretenses. If he rejects it, we can’t do anything about that. Move on. You did what you could.”

She stands up and pats my shoulder. “Don’t overthink it, brother. I believe you’ll get to date him eventually.”

I nod, and she heads to the door. She’s right. I just have to show him my sincerity, and I can... Wait. Date?

“Hey. I said this is not about dating. He’s a guy.”

“Not a problem.”

“You—”

“Remember, no more noises tonight. If I hear any, I’ll tell Mom you’re asking someone out.” She waves and disappears behind the door with a giggle. During times like this, I still wonder if I am still the older brother.

In any case, I must get on and write that letter. I’ll just go with something simple.