We drove home listening to the oldies station, Dad loved his 70’s rock, we just enjoyed the drive home quietly.When we got home Mom was just arriving back, she had some shopping bags with her, I helped her while Dad brought in the food. “How was your first day back Kiddo?” Mom asked, I looked down and noticed the bags were all from little kid’s stores, baby stuff. I felt my stomach sink with the reminder. 

“It was fine.” I replied. 

“Well we’ll eat, and I’ll show you what I bought for you in Indy!” 

“Thanks mom.” 

We settled in for the night, eating our dinner then while watching Wheel of fortune, mom showed us the stuff she bought in Indy. Lots of unisex baby clothes she ooed and ahhed over, then she pulled out some bigger t-shirts. There was one that said ‘Momma Bear’, one that said ‘ Papa Bear’ and one that said ‘Big Brother Bear’ “ Aren’t they cute! We can wear them to the hospital when the baby is born!” she gushed. 

“ Darla, we can’t spend this much before the baby is even born.” Dad aka the business man said. 

“ I know Dennis, but it’s all set. The lawyer has settled everything with the Bradleys. We pay the adoption fees and hospital bills, and I have another little miracle baby!” Her voice went up an octave, almost squealing, hugging a squishy blue teddy bear. 

“ The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Dad said. “Rah, will you grab me some more Ice tea from the fridge?” 

“Sure dad.” I got up from a seated position on the floor, taking his plastic cup in hand and left the room. I knew that Dad wanted to talk to Mom without me being there. I opened the fridge and poured more sweetened ice tea into his glass. Dad loved his tea, drank it all summer long and still could sleep like a rock. I added some ice cubes, slowly giving them time to talk about the baby, after what I felt was the right amount of time I came back into the living room, the game show Jeopardy was on tv now. Mom was still fussing over the baby clothes and toys, Dad was a little quiet. “Here’s your drink, Dad.” I handed it to him. 

“Thank you, Son.” he replied but sounded a little sad, they had talked and whatever it was he did not like it. 

“ I’m going to go start my homework, good night.” 

“ Get to sleep by nine pm, okay. I love you Rah.” Mom said tucking the teddy bear and the t-shirts back in a bag. 

“ Love you too, Momma.” I felt like I sounded very heavy, maybe just as sad as Dad had. I just couldn’t explain it, it felt like the world was on my shoulders. I went up stairs with my backpack, once in my room I just set the bag down and laid on my bed. I didn’t have any homework. I was just tired and I guess I felt sad for no reason, at least what I felt there was no reason.” I fished Ryan’s  note out of my pocket . “ Will you be my boyfriend?” I whispered “ Ryan.. I don’t know what to do. I’m not brave like Malie is.” 

I changed out of my school clothes and put on my night clothes. Since I was grounded I wasn’t allowed to have my phone or computer, I couldn’t talk to anyone and it was driving me crazy being in the silence. I turned on my small tv I use for camping and let it play for some noise. About an hour later there was a knock on my door, “Raleigh, can I come in?” It was Mom. 

“Sure Mom, I’m all done with my homework.” She peeked in, then came in with a bag in her hand. 

“ I didn’t buy just baby clothes, I bought you a few fun things too. I know this has been stressful for you, I know you’re still a kid and this is pretty big stuff to deal with. You’re still my miracle Baby, God just decided I could have two beautiful babies.” She handed me a bag from one of the record stores in Indy. 

“  Thanks, Momma, I know you still love me.” Then I looked in the bag and saw the mint conditioned Elvis record I’d wanted  when we went last. I was only half way saved for the amount I needed to buy it. “ You got me the record!” I couldn’t believe it. She put her arms around me. 

“ I got the record and a new t-shirt, listen baby or not, I will always be your Momma. Don’t let your father get you down, like I told you when it happened. I have been praying for a baby to come into my life, and while it’s not ideal, this was the Lord’s answer. I think of this as guided by divine design, Rah.” She rocked me in her arms. “ It was not a bad or evil thing that happened, the child was and is born out of love, like every little baby. Your father will just have to get over it. I wanted a child, and you gave me such a wonderful gift. I can never thank you enough.” She kissed me on the top of my head.

“Mom, can I ask you something?” 

“Sure, baby.” 

“ There was a fight at school today, it was because one of the new kids told everyone he was gay.” 

“You kids are so young, how did he know that?” 

“He just did, and well, that made Ryan think about maybe he might be gay…” 

“Ohh, and he’s your best friend.” 

I didn’t  know what she was going to say, I just couldn’t relax. “ He has feelings for me, and I don’t want to ruin the relationship or get in trouble.” 

“ I’m glad you trust me enough to talk about this with me. I haven’t really thought about how to feel about Gay people, but they are humans and made by God, and the Lord wouldn’t make a mistake. Try to love and guide Ryan to a place where he can be safe, and if you don’t feel the same way or uncomfortable let him know you have boundaries. It’s ok to have boundaries, and tell someone when they cross them.” 

“ Ok, will do, thanks Mom.” 

“You’d better get some rest, how about I drive you to school in the morning?” 

“Oh, I met this new kid on the bus, I want to see if he is ok, he was in a fight today.” 

“You, you want to ride the bus?” She raised an eyebrow. 

“This kid is from England, and he had a real rough start at our school. I want to make sure he is okay. This bully picked on him, and he fought back but got in trouble. I want to check on him, be his friend.” I explained. 

“You’re a good kid, don’t ever think you aren’t.” She gave me another kiss and then got up from the bed. I set my record beside me on the nightstand, She turned off the tv and then the light on her way out. I felt better, my stomach hurt a little less, but I was still anxious, I don’t know if it will ever get better.