Another morning alone, this one’s a little bit different than the rest. It’s the last in this apartment. Tomorrow I’m moving and I’m not sure what to expect. If things will remain as lonely as they have been for a while now or if things will change. I expect them to stay the same.

It’s for the best. No need to let someone get involved in to this mess of mine.

I sip on my coffee and take in the silence around me. It’s a rarity that my mornings are this calm. Something I’m trying to enjoy, but it’s a bit unnerving. Almost like the calm before a storm. Whatever it is coming, it’s not like it can make life any worse. I’m already alone in the midst of misery most days.

Honestly, how could things get worse?

I’ve given up on love a while ago, so it’s not like that can be taken from me, and as far as anyone else of importance, my mom is the only one left. At least the only one left that I’m still in contact with. I’ve been looking for my dad for several years now. He’s actually a huge reason I’m here now. I’m hoping that I’ll find answers to where he went and where he might be. I’m not even sure what I will do if I find him, but I know I can’t give up.

The only other person I care about has been gone from my life for some time now. She left when I was eight, and though I hope to find her one day too, her trail burned out quicker than it started. Almost as if she vanished the night she and her mother left.

Iris, please be okay. Even if I never see you again, please let your life be as amazing as you always dreamt it would be.

Packing the last of my belongings up, it’s my bible that is the last to be packed. My dad gave it to me for my bar mitzvah but I haven’t read it in close to a decade. I just carry it around to remember him. It was the last thing he gave me, so even if I’m at odds with both him and God, I can’t bring myself to leave it behind.

A picture slips out that I forgot was placed in it, it’s of Iris when she was about six. She has on her favorite fairy wings and her usual wide smile and bright eyes. She was the one who made me happiest in life.

I’m sorry, Iris.

Slipping her picture back between the pages, I put the bible in the box and seal it.