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Lily's POV: 

I'm the black sheep of my family...

A middle child with a crazy personality who is way different to fit into a family or society...

However,

My mom only likes my younger brother, and my dad is a fan of my older sister... 

I'm a sensitive person who reacts to everything... 

I can't hide or suppress my emotions...

Sometimes, I'd become overwhelmed by excessive mixed feelings that would make me speechless... unable to show what I wanted to say or how I feel...

Most of the time, whenever I'm angry or feeling unfair, crying won't let me finish my words...

I enjoy daydreaming, books, and the world of imagination...

I like to spend my time in nature more than crowded cities...

I can't tolerate unjustness... 

I can't stand double-faced people...

I'm always honest, and I hate lies... 

Everyone has always criticised me for whatever I do and behaved me badly, but everything became more awful 6 years ago...

~

There was a boy, Joe, who I had a crush on in our school for a year. Him and I were classmates and somehow were closed together. I wanted to confess and tell him my feelings. As I was uncontrollably nervous, I decided to ask my best friend, Suzanne, for advice, or should I say I assumed she was? So, I shared the matter with her, and she encouraged me to do it.

I confessed to him, and he didn't actually give me a clear answer, but he just leaned close and kissed me that day with a big smile on his face.

As a result, I thought that we were dating and he liked me back. We spent time on a few dates, and his physical touches were advancing day by day. Even though it made me a bit uncomfortable, I couldn't say a thing since I didn't want him to be disappointed in me...

I honestly was in love with him...

I wasn't able to see the truth, and I devoted myself to him completely...

A month later, Suzanne, Joe, and I were together for a school project at Suzanne's house. 

While I was walking back from the bathroom, before opening the room's door, I accidentally overheard their talk, which made me freeze in my place. 

And their conversation started with Joe saying to Suzanne, "How long should I pretend to like that weirdo girl?..." 

-"Be patient Joe~... It's not time yet... Don't you pity her?!~..."

+"Why would I pity her while watching her give me cringe?..."

-"Be quiet!!!... She will be back soon!!!... Let's talk about it later, Joe!!!!!..."

+"But I want to be with you!!!! I still can't forget the day you approached me and said you liked me~... As I also liked you, I wanted us to date, but you refused and told me you'd date me later if I listened to you~... "

-"Hush!~..." 

I peeked through the gap in the door and saw them kissing while my whole body shivered in fear, disgust, and rage. I was shocked and confused about what the hell was happening...

I rushed out of the house without encountering them. As I was running away, tears fell down my cheeks, and I felt like I was about to throw up... My heart was pounding, and my mind was spinning...

All of my memories about him, his smiles, his touches, his hands, everything was stormed into my mind to the point that it was killing me right there... 

I headed home, ran to the bathroom, and turned on the cold water pouring down on my head as I shivered... 

I felt disgusted by wherever he caressed it... 

I wanted to clear his traces on my body...

I screamed and cried for almost an hour until my parents broke the bathroom door to see what had happened to me as I didn't open the door, nor heard them calling me...

No matter how many times they had asked me, I couldn't talk or answer any of their questions...

I only cried the whole night... 

~

Tomorrow morning, after I got dressed, I walked out of my room without eating anything and went to school...

As I entered the classroom, I grabbed Joe's collar and dragged him out of there fiercely, and pushed him against the hallway's wall. "How could you do this to me?!..." I yelled.

"What are you talking about, Lily?" He replied, dumbfounded.

+"You know what I'm talking about!!!... Why would you pretend to be my boyfriend?!... How could you play with my emotions?!!!!~~... You could've rejected me instead!!!~..."

Joe was taken aback by what I said, and he muttered anxiously, "I ~... Lily, I just did what Suzanne told me~~~... She didn't want you to be heartbroken~~ so she asked me to date you~~" 

Kids were gathering around us gradually, filming, whispering while laughing...

I was filled with angst and shouted, "How ridiculous!!!~... Don't dare give me bullshit!!!~... You two betrayed me!~..."...

Joe groaned, "Hey!... We wanted to be nice to you!!!"... 

As I laughed nervously at his nonsense, and my eyes filled with tears, I heard Suzanne's voice coming near. "What's going on?!~ I just got here... Why are you two fighting? Why did you leave yesterday?..."...

I released Joe and walked to Suzanne, then slapped her on the face, "Why did you do this, Suzanne?~~..." I sobbed. 

As Suzanne lifted her head and looked at me, she smirked, "Because I hate you, Lily..." 

I asked as my voice trembled in shock, "Whyyy?~... We're friends!~..."

Everyone around us was laughing, which made me even more frustrated...

She grasped my arms and said, frustrated, "No, we're not!... I've always hated you!!!... I wanted to ruin you!... And I got my chance!..." 

+"Are you trying to say~ that all the time we spent together~... these 3 tears were fake?!~..."

-"Yep... Stupid!... " 

I pushed her away hardly as I'd got goosebumps, and she fell on the floor, and I screamed at her, "Whyyyy?!... Tell me, why the hell would you do this to me???!!!!~... What have I done to you?!" 

Suzanne shouted, "I hate everything about you!...

Your grades which are always better than mine!!!... 

Your fuckin' positive attitude!!... Your annoying smile!!... Your disgusting poems!!!

Your pretty stupid face!!!... EVERYTHING!!!~~... I WANT YOU TO BE MISERABLE FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE!!!..." 

I froze in place, unable to breathe normally. A rage mixed with heartbreaking feelings came into me, and I gripped her hair, "I had believe in you!... I've liked you, Suzanne!... I~... I~..." 

In response, she attacked me back and we struggled until the teachers arrived and took us to the principal's office.

~

As a result, only I got suspended from school for two months since I was the one who started the fight...

I was heartbroken, betrayed by my friend and someone I loved at the same time... 

During the time I stayed home for almost 2 weeks, all I could do was lock myself in my room and cry... 

"Why would they hate me?... what did I do wrong?... How is that everything ruined in a second?..."

At that time, my older sister, Rose, was married to a guy and also pregnant. As the doctors told us she should rest 24/7 since the baby's condition wasn't stable and she needed to be careful, my mom sent me to their house to take care of my sister and hoping I would get better, too...

After a month taking care of my sister, I had gotten anxious thoughts about my brother-in-law since he was indeed acting suspiciously... 

In the end, just as I assumed he was cheating on Rose when I discovered used condoms and precaution pills in his car underneath the seat accidentally, while I was trying to pick up my phone that had fallen there.

As I was worried about Rose and didn't want her to get played by that jerk, like I was, I told my sister the truth without thinking twice, which was truly a huge mistake...

Rose panicked over what I told her while she was still in her 6th month of pregnancy and had almost a miscarriage, however, miraculously her baby was born healthy... 

~

Because of that incident, which I put my sister's and her baby's lives in danger, my dad beat me with his belt so hard that my whole body were full of scars and bruises, then locked me in the basement of our house for two days...

"They all hate me..."

As I stayed in that cold dark basement, I was on the verge of losing my mind... I was guilty... I was the problem... I also couldn't believe what's gotten into me that I did that unforgivable mistake... 

I didn't want to hurt them but I did it in the end...

I blamed myself over and over... I loathed myself...

I screamed and cried until my voice couldn't come out...

"No one wants you, Lily..." 

The only thing I wanted at that time was for my mind to shut up... I didn't want to live anymore...

"You should just go die, Lily..."

Someone like me didn't deserve to live... 

While darkness was crawled into my skin, my mom finally opened the door and let me out...

That night, when everyone was sleeping, I walked to the bathroom and took my mom's sleeping pills from there. I swallowed as much as I could and stood there for about 15 minutes looking at my reflection in the mirror, my messy face with no soul in my eyes, and my wrecked body, then stepped into the room that my sister and her baby were sleeping...

I stood there crying nonstop and begged for forgiveness, "I'm sorry~~~... I'm so sorry~~~..."

As Rose woke up from my voice, she asked worriedly, "What's wrong, Lily?~" 

I couldn't see her face or hear her voice clearly since I was extremely dizzy and everything was blurry in front of my eyes... 

My breath was heavy...

When she approached me while calling my name, my whole body became heavy, and I could've felt that I was falling down... 

And I was gone for a while...