Moses sat in the small waiting room, taking in the space. The walls were a nauseating shade of pepto bismol pink that made his stomach turn, and were adorned with motivational kitten posters. It reminded him more of a children’s playroom than the waiting room of a doctor’s office. The chairs were uncomfortable and creaked against the linoleum floor as he sat down. The glare of the fluorescent lights in this place hurt his eyes, and he grimaced as he thought of meeting his new therapist. It wasn’t necessarily his idea, but Teeran and Dean were pretty adamant about it being a good first step on the road to recovery, whatever that meant. Teeran sat next to him, getting his yarn and knitting needles from the small tote bag he’d brought from the house. He got to work, stitching and weaving together a collection of blues, greens and purples into what Moses inferred would eventually become a sweater. Part of him had the urge to ask who it was for, but he decided against it. He already didn’t want to be there, and it’s not like making conversation would make things easier. He bit the inside of his mouth as he looked at the clock on the sickly pink wall. 3:27. He still had 3 minutes to make a break for it. He could run out the side door and down the street and keep going until he was miles and miles away. He could lie to Teeran and tell him he was sick so they could go home. He could sit there and refuse to move when they called his name. He could scream and curse and cause a scene, but it wouldn’t make things less shitty than they were. Sure, he could do all of that, and become a teenage runaway, but that would do absolutely nothing for him and he knew it. He had to be there, whether he liked it or not. He looked at Teeran, headphones in, smiling at his work without a care in the world. He wore pearl earrings that hung down like little water droplets, matching perfectly with a periwinkle sweater and blue jeans. He wore gold-plated horn-rimmed glasses, and on anyone else, they’d look ridiculous, but looked stylish and cute on him. His red hair fell gracefully down his back like a waterfall. Was there anything about him that wasn’t perfect? In spite of himself, he felt a tinge of jealousy there. He probably knew Dean a lot better than Moses ever had, and he could boldly express himself and be completely unbothered. He seemed like the type who worked so hard that they excelled in everything they did. The type of person everyone loves right away, and why wouldn’t they? He was kind, generous, ambitious, well-spoken and outgoing. If it were any other circumstance, Moses was sure Teeran wouldn’t be caught dead with him. He looked down at the dull off-white tiles of the floor, a stark contrast to everything else in the room. If they really wanted to make this place welcoming, they could stand to do away with these ugly ass walls. Shit is off-putting. This was just yet another place Moses felt out of place in. He sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he’d be spending his Tuesdays here now. He’d never gone to therapy, but if it was like anything else in Moses’ life at that point, he knew he’d probably hate it. He rolled his eyes at the thought of talking to a complete stranger about all his problems for an hour. What would it be good for? Could it really fix things? Surely it would be nothing but troublesome. The door across from them opened, and a tall woman called out his name. Her voice was deep and husky, it resonated through the room. She was slender yet muscular, sporting a blue button up and black jeans. The sleeves of the button up were rolled up, and he could see tattoos covering the exposed skin. Her hair and eyes were a perfect shade of jet black, and it almost reminded him of Mal. She wore black combat boots and her slender fingers were embellished with all kinds of different rings. Teeran smiled a greeting to her, then turned to give Moses a nod of encouragement.

“I’ll wait for you out here.”

“Ok.”

Moses got up and followed her to an office room. It was quite different than the waiting room had been, the walls were a soft green, the lights were gentle golden lamps, and the room smelled of sandalwood and jasmine. There was a shelf lined with all kinds of books, and there was a soft tan couch and a couple of bean bag chairs. There were also posters, but they were band, anime and movie related. There was a bulletin board behind the desk she now sat at, covered in pictures of her, a smiling woman, some kids and a dog going on various adventures. The woman cleared her throat.

“I think we should start with introductions, if you don’t mind. We can start with a little ice breaker I normally do. We’ll say our names and 3 fun facts about ourselves.”

Moses shifted his feet. He hated ice breakers.

“Can ya go first?”

“Sure. I’m Shawn, I have a pitbull named Scratch, I’m in a band with my wife and my favorite color is black.”

“Ok, um…”

Moses looked at his feet, trying to think of something to say about himself. He wasn’t used to bringing this much attention to himself, ever, and this past week had been nothing but that. He hated it. He hated absolutely everything about this, and if he was honest, he’d wanted to get up and go. He swallowed these feelings and looked up at her. She didn’t have a demanding expression like his mother or the firm intense look of his father. Her features were soft and feminine, a stark contrast to the rest of her. She smiled as he met her eyes.

“Take your time. We don’t have to get into anything profound today, I’m just gettin’ to know you.”

“Ok. Um, I’m Moses…I like music…”

She didn’t try to interrupt or interject during his thought process.

“I don’t actually really know that much about myself, I don’t think…I’m figurin’ things out. That’s 2, right?”

Shawn nodded.

“Ok…well, I think your waiting room is an eye-sore, and I wanna sock the guy who designed it.”

Shawn chuckled, her smile growing.

“I hate it too! Not my idea, of course.”

“I like what you did with this space.”

“Thank you. I like to think of this place as my second home. I’m in here all the time, after all.”

I think I’m startin’ to like her.

“So, Moses, what brought you in today?”

“Um, can I be honest?”

“Of course! This is a safe space for you to express yourself, and anything ya say to me is confidential.”

“My dad is convinced that this is gonna somehow fix me.”

“Fix you how?”

“I dunno. Make me happy. Make me not an asshole.”

“You think you’re an asshole?”

“Sometimes.”

“How do you feel about being here right now?”

“I…I thought about ways I could escape when I was waitin’ out there.”

Moses was surprised when Shawn laughed at his remark. He’d expected her to flip or say he was being insubordinate, but she seemed completely unbothered.

“I feel very out of place here,” Moses continued, “it just…seems like everyone has it all figured out.”

“What makes you say that?”

“My dad has this great life now, I guess. He got engaged to this guy who’s, like, literally perfect. He has a steady job, a house, all that shit. I never got any of that outta him growin’ up. He’d be gone all the time, and when he was there, he wasn’t present, if that makes sense.”

“That sounds really unfair.”

Moses flinched at the statement. Unfair. Someone else, who didn’t know him, just met him today, knew it was unfair. Shawn’s dark eyes were filled with kindness from the moment he had entered the room. She let him speak without interrupting him, she didn’t judge him for his off-hand remarks. He’d never quite had that before.

“You’re right, it IS unfair. He expects me to forgive him after all this time, he says he doesn’t, but I know he does deep down.”

“Do you think he feels bad about what happened?”

“Fuck if I know. That’s not my problem.”

Shawn nodded, “You’re right, love, it’s not. He’s the parent. He’s supposed to take care of you, not the other way around. You aren’t responsible for his feelings, and you’re not entitled to forgive him. I hope you know that.”

Moses bit the inside of his mouth, looking at the ground, the fluffy carpet underneath him was strangely comforting now. It was just a soft brown carpet, but it looked welcoming somehow. Everything in this little office had that effect.

“Do you wanna take your shoes off?”

“I can do that?”

“Sure can, you can do whatever you need to to feel at ease.”

“Can I escape?”

“If you’re really fast, sure. I won’t tell anyone.”

Moses smirked and took off his sneakers. The carpet felt like warm grass under his feet. Like a pleasant day in spring. It was nice. Like, really nice.

“Do you have anything fun you like to do?”

“I go to school a lot, does that count?”

“I won’t knock education. Is there anything else?”

“I used to go to church a lot.”

“Are you religious?”

“Not, like super, but I believe in god and everything. My mom’s more religious than me. Like, a lot more.”

“Did you live with her before?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you like going to church?”

“I guess. It was really fun when I was little. I was in the church choir, and my mom would watch me sing. I also play guitar.”

“So do I! What made you stop going to church?”

Moses flinched at the question.

“I don’t…I don’t wanna talk about that.”

“Ok. We don’t have to then.”

“You’re not mad?”

Shawn smiled, “Of course not. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable with.”

“Ok.”

“What kind of music do you like?”

“I listen to just about everything, to be honest. Mainly metal, though.”

“Same here.”

“How long have you been in that band?”

“Around 15 years. That’s how I met my wife.”

“Damn. That’s cool as fuck.”

“I’m glad you think so. Unfortunately, our time is almost up for today’s session. I’m gonna give you some homework for this week.”

“Oh, yay.”

“Don’t worry. It’s fun homework, trust me.”

“Ok.”

“I want you to make a space for yourself that is calming and relaxing. Somewhere you can go when life is stressful. Do ya think you can do that?”

“I’ll try.”

“Fantastic! I will see you next week then. Have a good one.”

“You too.”

***

Teeran hummed to the radio as he made it down the driveway of the therapy building. He tapped his fingers on the wheel as he waited to make his turn.

“How’d it go?”

“Better than I expected. She’s nice.”

“That’s awesome! You’re all scheduled for next week, so we’re in the clear.”

“Cool.”

Teeran smiled at Moses, his glasses sparkling in the sunlight.

“I think this might….actually be ok.”