She's been gone for one day and I already miss her so so much. To think that he will be gone for whole two months! Two months with barely any contact.

How am I going to survive this? I know I agreed to all of this when I signed her damn papers and right now I regret doing so. I wanted her to stay by my side, to never leave it. But maybe one day she will?

Argus and I keep telling us that she needs time. We hurt her badly and we promised her to show that we have changed. We promised her space. But why was it so hard? I could barely sleep at night without her by my side. Just thinking about all these nights to come... . I didn't want this!

I picked up my phone and was about to call her for the fiftieth time, just to put it back down. She didn't even tell me where she went. Just north, that was all she said.

I glanced at my phone. Instagram. We had this, right? I opened the app. Did she notice that I hadn't written her since Ayla was with me? Since she had been with me?

I looked at my messages. She hadn't written to me either. No surprise, as we were together most of the time and if we weren't together Ayla was out with friends. When would she had time to write to me?

I opened our chats, or at last tried to, but she wasn't there. Confused, I looked for her profile but I couldn't find it.

I switched to my official instagram account and looked for her. I couldn't find her either. Did she delete her account?

I somehow couldn't believe it. She was so proud of her work.

Distraught, I made a whole new account and searched for her name. There she was. That could only mean one thing: she had blocked me.

But why? Did she find out? If yes - how?

I brushed through my hair with shaking hands. What now? My secret line of contact had been cut. How do I now make sure she is okay? How did I now know how her day was? How she was doing?

I broke down crying. Our apartment was too big and lonely without her. I didn't know what to do anymore. What could I even do?

I had to admit the time I spent with Ayla was the happiest I had ever been. I had never felt more at peace. But I missed Muru. How would it have been if I would have spent the time with both Muru and Ayla? If I could just turn back time. If I could just stand by her side always. From the beginning. Making sure she would never get bullied in the first place. I had been such an idiot. She used to be my friend.

I started to pack my bag. At last for the time she is gone I will move into the pack house. The silence was killing me.

"Hey James, what are you doing here?" My friends greeted me when I entered the house.

"Muru is on vacation."

"Oooh, were you lonely?" They teased me.

"Yes." I admitted and made eye contact. They didn't expect that and looked at me speechless.

"Well, let's order pizza and watch movies then."

Gratefully I plopped down on the sofa while we argued about which movie to watch.

"By the way, I met Muru a few weeks ago." Mitchell mentioned.

"Oh, and?" I asked.

"Ah, she was at the Café meeting your sister. You were right tho when you showed me the picture. She is now hot af!"

"You told her?" My voice broke when I asked him.

He nodded. "Yeah, was it supposed to be a secret?"

Now that I asked, I never told them to keep that between us. Was that when she found out? But that would mean she only ever showed that picture to my instagram account. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.