I was hiking through the untouched wilderness of lapland. It was beautiful. Although it was already late April there was still over a metre of snow covering the ground. The small evergreen trees looked like little hunched over men covered in a cloak and hat made of snow. The sun was rolling over the horizon and in the night the auroras were dancing in the sky, inviting me to dance along with them.

I never had experienced such a peaceful and happy feeling. I was content with what I had. I actually felt more at peace here, alone in the wilderness than I ever had around people. Or at last I thought so.

I walked back to the small log cabin I was renting from a friendly reindeer farmer. I had already seen quite a lot of reindeers. I often even went searching for them during my days. The sound their feet produced on the snow was unique and I couldn't get enough of listening to it.

The sun was still up so I sat down in front of the cabin. In front of me was an all white clearing - it was actually a lake, but it was covered underneath ice and snow, making it look like it could as well be a field.

Sometimes I imagined it indeed was a field and in the summer it would be full of flowers swaying in the wind. Wouldn't that be beautiful?

I blinked at the warm evening sun, watching it paint the snow in warm colours, making me fall for this place all over again. Every evening I would sit here, watch the sunset and fall in love with this place again and again. It was like an unspoken promise we renewed every evening.

A lonely smile played around my lips. It is weird how addicting loneliness can become. When the sun vanished behind the horizon I went back inside, made a small fire and sat in front of it, writing into my new bought diary what I had seen today.

I never was one to write diaries, but now I thought, if I could leave something just full of happiness in this world, that would be nice. So I started to write just small little things that made me happy. Like today one of the trees actually lifted its snow hat when I walked past. And I saw a few of the reindeers again. That is what I told my diary. And I told it about the beautiful sunset. Every one of my entries ended with me praising the sunset.

Tonight was a clear night. I woke up Ayla and together, we walked outside again, watching the lights dance over the sky. We joined. Dancing with them from the ground. Disturbing the snow and letting the little flakes be blown around us by the wind, glittering in the moonlight. This is happiness isn't it?

Living. Breathing. Not being afraid or worried when the next pain will come. No one was here to judge me. No one was here to hurt me. I could just be myself and live.

I never knew I could be this happy alone. I never knew such happiness existed. A happiness far away from everyone. It is very addicting. Loneliness is addicting, once you get used to it.