-Junior-

“I could use a ride. My car’s back home.”

Of course, he means back home in Shizuoka Prefecture.

I don’t say anything to him at first. Then, I shake myself out of it and say, “You’re staying with-”

“Mr. and Mrs. Abernathy.”

“Got it…”

I get in and start my car. Ken climbs into the passenger seat.

While the engine warms up, I ask, “I’m guessing everyone else already knows you’re back.”

“No, not yet. Just you so far.”

It’s the question I’m afraid to ask. “How long?”

“Just today and tomorrow…”

“Okay…”

I put the car into drive and pull out. There’s still a little traffic leaving the game.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me… I’m happy to see you.”

In the year since he left, Ken’s English had improved. It was almost perfect.

“I’m touring colleges for a few weeks. MIT, Stanford, Duke, umm… Cornell? Yeah. I don’t expect to make it into half the schools, but it’s nice to see the campuses. I also wanted to see all of my old friends again… I wanted to see you again.”

Ken doesn’t say anything else, waiting. He sits there looking at me. I can only glance over at him. I decide to just keep my eyes on the road, not budging for a while.

“It’s like-” I start and stop like that for what feels like forever. There’s this mess, this big jumble of things I NEED to say, I NEED to get out. It’s just impossible to know where to start. My thoughts are all shouting for attention, drowning each other out.

“This- is so unfair.”   

“Unfair? What do you-”

But I cut him off.

“You can’t- just come back. We were- we were- it’s like you said- perpendicular lines. And- I said goodbye to you. I didn’t think I could do it- and it took a really long time- but I did it. And now you’re back- and now you’re leaving again- and that means I’ll have to say goodbye to you again, and I’ll be right back in the same place I was in when you left the first time.”

“You never-”

But I cut him off again.

“You never understood that- that when you leave, nothing ends for you, you’re strong and you’re- but, for me, it’s like getting knocked down over and over and over… and I keep getting back up because I have to, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

Ken tries to speak again, but I can’t help myself anymore. This past year, I thought I’d left all this behind me…

I guess not, I guess this anger had always been there, waiting to come out.

“What I still don’t understand is: why me? Why, out of all the people you could do this to, did you choose me? There’s nothing special about me. I’m not funny, I’m not interesting, I’m not talented or smart or- or- or- anything. I’m nothing!”

“You can just let me out here.”

“What?”

“I said let me out here!”

I had never heard that kind of force in Ken’s voice before. The only time we’d ever argued about anything, all I remember was how quiet he was. It was such a shock that I pressed down too hard on the brake pedal.

Ken barely waits for us to stop moving before he gets out of the car and turns back to me.

He’s holding something in his hand, but there’s too much going on for me to think about that right now.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry that seeing me again hurts so much, but you’re wrong.”

Ken crumbles the paper up in his hand. “I did tell you why. You asked me that question before and I gave you an answer.”

Ken throws the crumbled ball of paper down onto the passenger seat, where it bounces off a yellow package there that I also hadn’t noticed before.

“And you never said goodbye to me.”

Ken slams the door and starts to walk away on his way back toward the school.

The car behind me honks its horn, but I’m stunned. My leg is stiff against the brake as headlights pass through me. I’m staring at the package Ken left there in the passenger seat next to me, and at the crumbled-up notebook paper on top of it, permanently wrinkled, unfurling and expanding itself like a living thing.