The alpaca looked at me with big dark eyes. It was very fluffy. A brown fellow with a silly, happy face. Would it kick me, if I sprang out of my bed? Would it spit on me? Don’t spit, please.

„What are you doing here?“

The alpaca simply looked at me.

„Get out, stupid animal!“  I could still smell its fart. Not a nice smell. Nope. „Out of my room!“

The animal ignored me. Instead, it looked at Oscar the Long. It took a step forward. I tried to rescue my dear long friend, but the alpaca was faster. „No! Don’t eat him!“, I streamed.

The alpaca ran a few steps away and farted again. It did this while it held my poor friend in its mouth. „Spit him out!“

„Okay, here you are, Farty! Again! Wait… Please tell me why…“ Phileas showed up at the open glass door. He looked at me, and then at Oscar the long. „Why is Farty trying to eat a dildo?“

„As if I would know that! Get it out, please!“, I begged holding onto my blanket. „Please!“

„Fine, fine…“ Phileas shook his head and came inside. „Come on, Farty! You don’t need a dildo. You have two pretty ladies to have fun with!“

He tried to save my poor friend, but the alpaca kept stubborn. „No!“, Phileas said. „You can’t keep it. It’s Noelle’s…“ He looked at me with raised eyebrows. „It’s Noelle‘s toy!“

„No! It’s not!“, I protested.

„Oh? You run around and steal dildos then?“

„No! I found it. It’s broken! Please, that isn’t food!“

„I can agree with the last one.“ Phileas sighed and, finally, freed my friend and put him on the bedside table. „Come on Farty! You scared our guest!“ He pushed the alpaca outside and turned back to me. „You need to keep this door closed. Or you will end up with guests again. Especially farty here likes to break out of the stable. Oh! And, Good Morning. Sorry for the trouble.“

„Okay… But… Farty?“ Why would someone call a … A MONSTER that? I let go of the blanket. “Why that name?”

„Dad called him that. He has a sensitive stomach, and if he eats the wrong food, he ends up farting all day. Sadly, Farty is a food thief. And he doesn’t agree with his special alpaca diet.” As if Farty wanted to agree to this, he farted again. Loud and juicy. Phileas petted him slightly annoyed. “I have to call the vet again.“

„Oh.“

Alpaca-Boy snorted. „Sh*t happens, my friend! The bill worries me a bit, but… I can’t let my little alpaca-friend suffer. I see you in an hour for breakfast! You better get ready fast! I heard Lali asking if she should wake you up… Cute ducks, by the way!“

„We’re not friends…“, I mumbled. „Get ready?“ I looked down at myself. Well, I only slept in my little ducky underwear… Not I good sight for a sweet baby girl. Or for a person I just met. I pulled up the blanket again.

Phileas chuckled. „Oh! Sometimes the shower in this house gets grumpy. Don’t be surprised if the water stays cold! You can use my shower if you want to. If this one is grumpy. It’s next to my room. I can show it to you after I called the vet. If you need it. See ya!“ And he went away…

I stared after him. Shocked and freaked out. First, alpaca, and now, THIS?! A broken shower? Awesome.

But when I went to the shower, the water was nice. Not too cold. Not too hot. Perfect for the ungrateful summer heat. After the shower, I threw on some black pants and a bright green shirt with colorful stars painted all over it. I hoped to be able to text my friends but, again, my poor phone didn’t find any internet.

Fresh and fragrant, I went out of the ruin. And, just as Phil implied, Lali waited for me at the door. She was just about to knock on it.

„Oh! You’re awake!“, she said. She wore a cute frilly pink shirt, old gray overalls, and bright yellow rubber boots. She was adorable. An adorable little farm kid. But the kid looked at my shoes like I was a mental case… „You are wearing these again? You won’t be able to walk here…“

„I love high heels!“, I grunted. These were an old pair of green high heels. I bought them one year ago. The only old pair I still had. And the only one I was willing to sacrifice. I didn’t like the green anymore.

„You need rubber boots!“, she stated. „You can run around in pretty stuff, but you need suitable shoes! It’s always a bit muddy here.“ The kid sounded like an old lady. I was tempted to throw a teenage tantrum.

„I don’t wear rubber boots!“ I ruffled through her silky hair. „Breakfast?“

„Yes! Come along!“ She smiled brightly and I followed her to the big family kitchen. “You’re shirt is pretty! I had one with stares too, but I grew out of it.”

“That’s sad.”

Lali nodded. “Yes. I liked it very much. But Dad says I’m getting too old for these shirts.”

“He says that? Why?” She was just a kid, on her way to be a teenager. Why not wear cute shirts?

“He thinks only kids should wear colorful stuff like my old shirt. And I’m twelve. A little lady. But Mom told him, he should stop being stupid!” Lali smiled brightly. We went inside the kitchen, where the rest of the family already sat.

Vinod laughed when I showed up. „He owns pants!“, he cried. „It’s a boy!“

„Uncle!“ Phileas looked at him and grunted. „Come on. It’s a fashion thing.“

„We don‘t do fashion here!“, Vinod argued smiling. „This is a farm. Clothes get dirty here. Noelle!” He pointed to an empty chair. “Come! Sit down, boy! We have pancakes, scrambled eggs, and this strange stuff!“ He pointed to some oatmeal. „My wife loves it.“

„It’s tasty and healthy!“, Alessia protested. Her sister nodded. Amadeo, Phil‘s father, agreed with Vinod.

„Thank you.“ I set down next to Lali. She was delighted about it and started telling me about all her friends and teenage enemies at school. It was a bit refreshing to hear about school days again. She was very nervous about a history test, that she would write today. Phileas tried to engage me in a conversation. I wanted to ignore him, but these people let me live here. So, I humored him. He asked me if I liked bees. And yes. I loved bees. Who wouldn’t love bees? I owned a cute pair of bee-leggings!

The pancakes were lovely.

„Oh. Do you have W-Lan here? My phone insists that there is no internet!“, I asked shortly before I had to drive to university with the Car of Shame. I truly thought about skipping classes.

„Usually we do, but it doesn’t work at the moment“, Amadeo answered. „Sorry, about that. Hopefully, it will get repaired soon.“

„Pity…“ I sight. I had hoped to be able to update my followers at twinklegram about my living situation… Well, I could simply take some pictures and post them at the university. But this also meant that I couldn’t text my friends.

„Mom?“ Lali interrupted my thoughts. „Can I skip school today?“

Can I skip school too, please?

„Why?“, asked Alessia with raised eyebrows. „Don’t you write an important test today? Get ready. The bus arrives in twenty minutes.”

„But Mom!“ Lali pouted. „That test! I think I forgot everything a learned! I will fail it!“

„In that case, we will celebrate your first failed test!“, Vinod said and snatched the last pancake. „Up you go! Get ready for battle! We will be proud of you, even if you fail, sweety.”

„Celebrate?“ Lali gulped down the last drops of her orange juice. „Why would you celebrate that?“

„Because we love you. Now, get ready!“, Vinod repeated.

I needed to leave soon too. „Thanks for the food. It was nice!“, I said politely and made my way to the apartment, to get my stuff. I took some pictures for twinklegram. Lali ran after me with her school bag a few minutes before I wanted to leave. She insisted to show me the farm birds first. She very proudly showed me her goose Dodo. After that, we said Good Morning to a bunch of chickens and four ducks. I took some pictures of them too until Lali got lovingly forced to say goodbye by her dad. She pouted, while Vinod kissed her forehead. The school bus had arrived.

And I had to face my next battle. The car.