I don't know anymore. 

I can't think anymore. 

Looking at myself reflecting in the mirror; dark auburn hair, hazel eyes and somewhat-not-that-light-coloured skin yet I could see my pinkish cheeks and the name Romaldi...

Nothing came to my mind.

I have been thinking for more than 10 nights since fall in this new dream cycle. At this point I should just ease up because sooner or later the answer will come in unexpected way. Plus, it's not the first time I live in a cycle where I don't know which stories have I landed into. Two out of 75?... or 80-ish dreams I have been falling into, was a dream where I don't even know the stories until the end. 

There are a lot of works out there in the world I originally live and not to mention books belongs to other dream world too. Thousands and millions are out there. It is a miracle for me to actually to recognize each one of the dreams I fall into.

As long as I am still free will in this body, there is nothing to panic about.

"Young miss, are you okay in there?"

Hearing nanny voice, I realized that I am still standing in front of the mirror, my naked body covered in wet towel and my hair tangle in damp mess. My shoulder shivered in coldness.

"What is for dinner tonight, nanny?"

I stepped out of bathroom and looked at nanny's face carved with worried lines and squiggle eyebrows. 

"Steak and gravy."

"How about Sammy? Is he eating with us tonight?" I asked suddenly remembering the young man in suit looking cheery heading out the front gates a few hours ago.

"He said he has important meeting tonight."

"Date night I presume?"

Nanny helped me dried my hair and get me into comfortable evening clothes. "He is at his prime age, young miss."

"Having stuck in the boons and teaching young girl yet still get an opportunity to flaunt his romanticism. Lucky ape."

"Young miss."

I sighed. "I know, I know."

But really, what is this supposed father of mine thinking? Putting a girl my age in some desolate village, hired a nanny and kicked his secretary here to live with me. Not to mention how big this villa is even though it is a one storey villa that comes with a sizeable lake and boathouse and also an orchard.

Isn't this suppose to be a family villa rather than a place to hide your mistake?

Nanny told me a few days ago that he (my father) suddenly hired her together with long papers of NDA to take care of a child he found on a street.

Child he found on a street?

Isn't that a clear sign that I am the child of your mistress?

Still to put up with this many personal including the bodyguards outside making sure that I is keep inside the estate, my old man might be not just a simple gold spoon but diamond spoon. 

Oh, so scandalous.

* * * * *

On other hand, this kind of life isn't so bad.

I look outside of windows lined as walls where the living room and the kitchen space integrated as one big open space and looking out into glimmering surface of blue-ish lake. Sitting at a dining table, eating my lunch and enjoying the carefreeness of summer afternoon humidity together with the sound of cicada chirping outside. 

I saw nanny hurriedly taking a place in front of dvd player with a medium size box wrapped in brown paper. She unwrapped the box and laughed happily.

In her hand, there was a box the a bit bigger than nanny's hand yet had such thickness. She then switch on the tv and dvd player. She opened the box, put a disc inside the player.

While waiting for the disc to load it's content, she took a place at a sofa with her delivery box.

A cheer song was heard.

It was a drama opening song played with images of it's actors in its cute cut out form and names written below it. After the song finishes, the drama started.

I chuckle. Nanny is a big fan of drama and few nights ago, she asked me if she can use the dvd player to watch movies and dramas. She said that before she worked here, she can only catch drama on it's prime time and if she missed it, she has to wait until the tv station decide to rebroadcast it. Apparently, nanny does not have dvd player nor enough money to buy compatible tv with dvd player to watch her favourite drama.

Well, it's not that anyboday care about the tv being use in the living room and since I will be living here until god knows when, I gave her permission to do so.

I put my dish inside the sink and wanted to clean it when nanny suddenly call me.

"Just leave it there young miss."

"... okay."

If I insisted to wash it, nanny might come running and I will interupt her precious drama viewing time. I adamantly leave my dish there.

Maybe that was just my excuse to be a bit cheeky?

I don't know what the original character personality is but after so many days without being force to play the part according to the story of this dream, I found solace in ignorance. 

I mean the bigger the character importance to the story, the less autonomy I have upon this body and can only just watch it roll as the story intended.

Unless my standing in the story is just a mere extra, then I can enjoy the glory of the story with popcorn in my hands.

Like my previous dream cycle where I barely act upon my own consciousness, I can only watch in full of horror, my own hands covered in blood and madness.

.....

.....

Nothing beats the horror of one own wickedness!

I sighed.

After walking around the villa, I took a place beside nanny. Watching other people drama might be better than remembering my own. 

The story has hit it's 30 minute run and the female lead realized she was pregnant with her supposed boyfriend. But when she tried to confront him, he feign ignorance and accuse of her laying her body to whoever that sets eyes on her. 

Trash.

Even at the young age of 18, her boyfriend is absolute trash. The girl was in deep dilemma as she herself was of young age of 18 and have dreams she wants to achieve. Should she abort the baby when she is not that heartless to kill a life that had yet to breath air in this world. 

Yet, she does not have the power to care for the baby. She is orphan and next year she have to fend for herself since system only shelter those until age of 18. She has exam to take, university to attend and become a successful career woman. 

Alone, she agonize her choices. Then the episode ends.

Nanny oh my side started to sniffle. I too tried to hold my tears.

Nanny stood up and pause the drama. I was stunned.

"What are you doing nanny?"

"Well, I can't exactly spend my time watching the whole 16 episodes. I need to start preparing for your dinner young miss."

"We'll delivery it," I dismissed her.

"But-"

"I want fried chicken! Ah, hurry now. I want to know what happen next."

Nanny laughs. "Okay, okay. Do you want snacks by the way?" She unpaused the cd and walked to the kitchen.

"Chips and ice cream!"

"Chips only then."

"Nanny!"

Episode two started to roll without me noticing that the opening song has finished. 

The story continued with the female lead braving her heart to live as a pregnant teenager, going to OBYGN alone and never stops learning. Her classmates totally ignoring her since before she was pregnant and now that she is, she became an invisible person with zero presence. 

Months pass and her body change significantly though her belly was so small. Her doctor kept on telling her to bring her guardian together and it becoming harder to study as she felt fatigue and body aches all over her body. 

Despite that, she started to care for her unborn child. 

"The actress is really good," nanny said.

"She look like she could pass as an idol," I said without blinking as I watch the female lead struggle to keep herself steady and her water broke on the day she had to go to take exam. 

A few minutes of tense situation on the way to the hospital and in labour room, she finally birthed her son. A baby so small and still red, she held so dearly and teary. 

Then in a fast paced montage, the episode showed the female lead leaves the orphanage together with her son in the dead night, finding a place for them to stay and her baby sick with high fever.

"Poor soul, the baby is now deaf," nanny said in sadness as she watched the female lead cried hugging her baby.

I sighed in frustration. I took the dvd box from the pile in the delivery box. The title of the story was painted in a cute design with a picture of smiling female lead, male lead and a boy. Behind the box there was a description of the stories and names of main actors involved together with the name of screenplay writer and director.

Marie-Ann Jacobson as female lead, Gary Lombardi as male lead and Wren Klauzen as female lead's son.

Wren Klauzen?

My eyes shook.

"Young miss look. The baby is so cute. He is just like my grandson, so cute."

At nanny insistence, I look at tv screen. It seems the years have been skipped to a few since I last saw and a little boy with stubby legs and hands, red cheeks and nose was smiling happily in his mother arms. 

The actor played as Robbie was handsome and cute at the same time. Even at the age of 3 years old, he even able to portray the emotions that somewhat hard for someone his peers years. 

The actor; Wren looks admirably on screen, protecting the male lead from oncoming high school bullies. He looks heart rending when his mother found out that he is in police station with unknown man and he cries his heart out. His voice gargle and not well form since he is playing a deaf character but nobody thinks that he is acting because his act is very convincing. 

Wren Klauzen.

The main protagonist that she had read before she fell into this endless dreams. The story that she enjoys and loves so much. His life story written in a very calm narration portraying his life as something as a life full of reward after so many reincarnations full of thorns and challenge. His story shows many relations he build upon his wisdom and wise life decision that you can't help but think, 

'there's no way someone's life can be this perfect and peaceful.'

And here he is. The boy itself in his early works before climbing to stardom. She has fall into the dream where Wren Klauzen exist. 

But as what?

Myra exist as what in Wren Klauzen world? 

There is no character named Myra Romaldi in Wren Klauzen world. His relatives, friends, colleagues, and notable fans mention in this works and there is no Myra Romaldi. 

Am I an NPC then?

An NPC!

In this dream cycle, am I given the chance to actually live life of free will? Even though the setting was a bit distraught, a bird caged in sparkly cage, I am now someone with free will and no lines to commit!

I can do what ever I want. Meet whoever I want. Fall in love with whoever I want. There is no genre and no need to be scare of causality!

I AM FREE!