I arrived at the university. The old car didn’t fall apart. But it did sound like it might. For sure!  Some students looked at it when I tried to sneak it into the car park. Sneak… Well, I tried. But the tin can was loud.

It was so embarrassing. And even more so, when the first students started to snicker. I tried to hide. Sinking inside my chair I sighed like an old grandma that just ran a marathon.

I arrived a bit early. This was actually quite shocking since the car was like a snail. Not exactly fast. An ugly snail. Great. I sat inside my snail tin can and posted my pictures on twinklegram. I wanted to rant about it and write very not-so-pretty words, but I kept it polite. I didn’t want to slap the people, that gave me a home. Alessia was my Moms friend. I couldn’t call the apartment a fucking shot hole. Instead, I wrote ‘very old and broken’ or ‘not the glorious standard I’m used to’. I was as polite as possible. Anything else wouldn’t be professional.

I didn’t like that place. My first day had been a nightmare. My fans deserved the truth. But the family was very nice. I also added some nice comments to the bird pictures. I made a very funny picture of Dodo. I got some likes immediately. And some of my followers asked where I’d been since I hadn’t posted anything for hours. Usually, I posted at least one picture daily and between four and six reels every week. Some posts were about my daily life, others were about fashion, hairstyles, and make-up.

I answered my poor neglected fan’s questions, then I went to my first class: History of Art. While the ancient professor nearly slept during his own lesson, I texted my friends over Helloapp. They wanted to know, why they hadn’t heard from me too. Of course. We decided to drink some coffee between classes to catch up.

But when the time for coffee arrived, I wasn’t so sure, if I wanted to tell my friends about that shit hole I lived in. Nope. But they would see it soon anyway… They followed me on twinklegram. It was too late.

„Our Queen is alive!“, Silvan cried when he spotted me at our usual place. In front of a small cafe between the old university buildings and dorms. The cafe was a bit damaged too. The hurricane didn’t leave it alone either, but not enough, to not be opened for all the coffee junkies.

„Alive and well!“ Maxim hugged me. „How comes, that you hadn’t any internet? Or W-Lan? And why didn’t you send us a text message? A normal one? Not over Helloapp.“

„Because you two rabbits never read old-style text messages…” And because I forgot about that option. Whoops. “My Moms friend lives too far away from here… And their W-Lan doesn’t work at the moment. But it will be repaired soon.“ I sight. „Sorry about that. It’s an old farm. It’s hell!“

„You poor thing!“ Silvan smiled and petted my cheek. „Let’s get some coffee, sweet Highness“

„I’m so in for that plan!“, I agreed and we went inside to order our coffees. We sat at our typical table. Silvan admired his Latte, Maxim gulped down his espresso and I got the most fancy coffee one could order here. A caramel cappuccino with whipped cream and some whiskey-flavored syrup. It was too early and too hot for real whiskey inside my coffee. This cafe didn’t use the real stuff anyway.

„Okay. Spill the beans! What happened?“, Maxim asked. „Why did you end up on a farm? And what’s up with that ancient car you posted a picture of? The goose picture is cute. Boy! Your fans will talk about all this for days! Queen Lafayette ended up at a farm! You should post more stuff. They will love it.“

I grimaced. Did I want people to laugh at my struggles? Would it make my page more popular?

„Noelle! You said, your Mom’s friend had an apartment“, Silvan agreed. “You never said anything about a farm.”

„There is an apartment“, I grumbled. „But it’s as old as the farm. And haunted, if I can believe what Amadeo said. He is Alessias brother-in-law. Her sister’s husband. He says someone was murdered there.“

„Spooky!“ Silvan laughed. „Did you see the ghost?“

“Did you take a picture? Oh! We could do a ghost hunt! Spooky videos for your fans!” Maxim grinned. “What do you think?”

Ghost hunting? NOPE. I shook my head. „No. And I hope it’s just a silly story. Ghosts freak me out! An alpaca was in my bedroom this morning. It tried to eat poor Oscar!“

„What?“ Maxim burst out laughing. „You brought Oscar with you? Did he survive?“

„Barely“, I grunted. „It’s a real farm, you know? Alpacas, ew, donkeys, ew, bees… Okay. Bees are kind of cute. But all the other animals? Big NOPE! And all the mud! I have to buy rubber boots! Can you believe that? And Phileas! Alessias nephew. He is horrible. So unpolite! Her daughter is cute.“

„You found a girlfriend?“ Maxim winked at me. „Aren’t you gay?“

I glared back at him. „Shut up, man! She is twelve.“

„Fiiiiiiiine! Everything is horrible but the kid is nice. I get it.“ Maxim noticed my untouched coffee. „You didn’t drink anything, Dear Queen of Drama!“

„True!“ I nipped at my godly caramel. „How will I survive this? And you two? How did it go for you?“

Now it was Silvan who sighed. „My Mom nags at me. But it’s home. My baby brother won’t leave me alone. He thinks, now that I’m home, I can play with him all day. It’s hard to get anything done with him around. He has trouble playing alone. I could play with my toys for hours when I was four, but he needs all the attention. My Mom thinks it’s best if he goes to daycare, even if Dad is at home all day. They both are at their limit with him. He screams, he kicks… I’m not sure if any daycare will be willing to take him. And if I tell him, that I deen to do some school stuff he stands in my room screaming like a madman. I couldn’t finish the essay we had to write for today. And my grandparents won’t babysit him for a couple of hours either.“

„That’s tough. Maybe there is a daycare for kids with special needs? Does he?“ Maxim stole a sip from my coffee.

“We don’t know yet. But Dad will let it check soon.” Silvan shrugged. “And you?”

„The room I got is small, bis I have my own little bath. The old grandma that rents the room is a sweetheart. And her cookies. Wow. I will get fat while I live there!“ Maxim petted his belly. “Round and happy! A blue whale!”

„You do way too much sport to get fat!“ Silvan nudged him. „You can eat as many cookies as you want to. I can look at sugar and I get fat!“

„No one gets fat here. And even if, some people look good with a bit more on their hips…“, I murmured.

„Well… You can start!“ Silvan stuck his tongue out. “Go and get fat!”

I rolled my eyes. „I get money for being slim. Nope.“

Silvan and Maxim continued to bicker like old ladies. I stopped listening to them when a nice looking male exemplar came inside the cafe. He was tall and dark. He wore a shirt with pink, blue, and purple hearts, and blue pants with lots of pockets, that he decorated with colorful patches. And his butt looked really nice in those pants! Perfect! He was very attractive.

“Oh no! He dies it again!”, grunted Silvan. “The heart eyes?”

“What?” Maxim turned around and noticed my target. “Oh.”

“I’ll be back”, I mumbled and pushed my coffee to Maxim to approach the exemplar. Maybe he was the one? My prince? My Mr. Perfect? He did look perfect!

He looked at me a bit confused first, but then, he smiled. „I know you! You are that Lafayette from Twinkle!“

„Yes, exactly.“ I winked at him. „And who are you?“ I could feel my friends staring at me. I didn’t care. They were used to this.

„I’m Ignatz.“ He smiled with raised eyebrows. „So? What brings me this honor? To meet a Queen?“

„Well, Ignatz! Do you have some fire?”, I flirted. Ignatz. His name meant something with fire. “I might be a Queen, but will you be my Prince?“ I touched his shirt. „I could need some fire.“

Ignatz blushed and nodded. „Of course. So… Now? You smoke?”

“No. I’m talking about fiery fun!”, I continued and winked at him. I liked over my lips. Come on dear. Let me put you to the test! Are you my prince?

“Oh!” He blushed a bit. “Fun. Yes… Sure! Or… Do you want some coffee first?“

„I just had coffee. But my poor plum needs some love!“ I grab his hand and led him out of the cafe to a secluded, nice little spot behind the cafe's trash. “As long as you want it too?”

„Yes. But… Here?“ My newest try-out looked at the bushes and the trash in the background. „Isn’t it too dirty here And… We might get seen.“

„Don’t you love a risky adventure? No one comes here. Only the cafe‘s stuff. When the cafe clothes. We’re alone!“, I whispered in his ear. „And I like some dirt on me if you know what I mean.“

The male exemplar looked a bit confused. „You want to do it inside the trash? The dumpster?“

Okay, he was a bit stupid… But that wasn’t a reason to give up yet. „No, darling!“ I played with a strand of my hair. „I like IT dirty.“

„Ah! Okay!“ Ignatz smiled happily. „I can do dirty. Yes! And I have everything we need with me! I‘m always prepared!“ And he pulled down my pants.

“Oh!” I blinked a bit shocked, but also delighted. „Wow. You‘re fast….“

“And you’re cute!”He turned me around so that I got pressed at the cafe’s wall. „I can do fast too!“, he murmured.  „I love your plum! That is a cute name for this pretty thing!“ I heard how he opened a small plastic package. Awesome. He had protection with him. I had forgotten about this… And about other stuff… But he was definitely prepared for some sudden fun. I heard him open something else…

„Wait for me, my heavenly creature! I’m nearly done!“ He kissed my neck a bit clumsily, while he was busy with his stuff. I sighed a bit impassioned. Until he told me, that everything was ready.

„Then make me happy!“, I exclaimed. „Show me your magic!“ And he did as told. I had a great time, yes. And my plum was a happy, rund little saint. Ignatz did his best to make me feel delighted. Oh, he did his very best! Okay, he sounded like a dying elephant but I could ignore that. His dingdong was…

„Oh!“, he suddenly grunted and, sadly, stopped moving.

„What? Why did you stop?“ I pouted a little. It was just getting good.

„Do you think my girlfriend will mind this?“

„WHAT!?“

„Oh… And I just used the last condom… Do you think she will get mad at me? She told me to always have everything with me. And we will go to the zoo later. She is my first girlfriend and I want to do everything right, you know?“

WHAT!?