Patrick’s POV

I didn’t bother hiding my glare aimed at the door that Jem disappeared behind. Andrew focused his attention on Barrett who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. We only stood in silence for a matter of seconds before Barrett opened his mouth.

“I don’t know why you bother sticking around,” he scoffed as he walked over to the wall and leaned up against it, his arms crossing his chest. “He won’t talk to you, surely both of you know that. That or you both got incredibly stupid since the last time I saw you.”

“I don’t plan on giving him a choice,” Andrew said confidently though his face didn’t match his tone. 

“I think your time apart has warped your memory of him. Leaving conversations he doesn’t want to have is kind of the main thing he does.”

“He just got stabbed, where is he going to go?”

Barrett doesn’t bother saying a word but he does raise an eyebrow as a light scoff left his lips. 

“He’s not going to want us back anyway,” I sighed as I let my hands rub my face. 

“Don’t say that,” Andrew said as he glares. 

“Did you not see that whole scene in the hospital room? He and Dev are together now. We left him and he has Dev now. He’s not going to risk us when we’ve already left before, not when someone is already there for him.”

“Dev and Jem aren’t dating,” Barrett scoffed with a small smirk on his face. My eyes widened at the comment. “I mean they used to but they haven’t for a while. If you were to ever have competition with anyone though it would be with him.”

“Jem said they used to just fool around,” I said with a frown. 

“Jem says a lot of things,” Barrett said with an eye roll. “ ‘Dev and I only had sex’ ‘Barrett isn’t my best friend’. ‘I don’t want to date Patrick and Andrew.’ He’s a fucking liar.”

“You think he wants to date us,” Andrew asked a bit too quickly, his eyes becoming comically large. 

“I think he used to. I also think you blew whatever shot you had when you left.” 

“We didn’t leave, he made us-“

“He made you, yea yea we can go around in circles about that all night. Regardless of the reason, you didn’t come back.”

“He said we’d be shot on sight if we showed up again!”

“You really think Jem would do that? He’s capable of a lot of things but murdering ex-crushes isn’t the main thing he does. You could have come back within the hour and even with how pissed he was he wouldn’t have done a damn thing.” Barrett sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “I won’t lie and say I like either of you right now or say that I’m actively rooting for you but you need to know how much you fucked up.”

“He was just as much in the wrong as we are,” I said while Andrew has the audacity to seem ashamed.

“And what were you doing in the hours after everything happened? Did you cry for hours? Lock yourself away from everyone for days? Work yourself to near death for weeks? Listen, I’m not saying he wasn’t also a dick but if out of the three of you, only one is suffering that bad maybe that’s the one who gets cut the break. I don’t care what you do either way but I’m not going to let you hurt him again so if you want to try with him then you need to grow a spine and stand up to him next time he does the exact same thing. You can’t just leave when things get a little too tense.”

I didn’t have to look at Andrew to know there was determination in his eyes.

I was still on the fence about attempting to reconnect with Jem. Neither of us had changed since the last time we’d seen each other; he was still a gang leader, and I’m still a cop. No matter how much I liked being with him before, we cannot have a long-term relationship unless one of us quits and it won’t be me.

I knew that from the beginning and it was fine when it was just witness protection and fooling around but now that the option of long-term is on the table, I’m not sure it’s something I could do. Still, the look on Andrew’s face was hard to ignore. 

He missed Jem and I know he did. If Jem asked him to start over he would do it in a heartbeat without much thought being put into it, especially if it meant Jem giving a genuine honest chance. 

“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves,” I sighed as a ran a hand through my hair. “Us being here doesn’t change anything.

Jem is going to have to decide what happens. It’s not up to either of us.”

Andrew looked like he wanted to argue but let the words die on his tongue as he looked over to Barrett. His eyes softened as he took in Barrett’s form for the first real-time since we got here.

He looked good oddly enough. No bandaids covered his fingers like the last time we saw them, his hair was messy but otherwise clean, and there were surprisingly no bags under his eyes. 

“You’re looking well considering everything that’s happened. I’m sure Jem leaving randomly was stressful.” Barrett’s uncaring face changed instantly, his blank face forming a scowl as he glared at my boyfriend.

“Don’t,” he said harshly as he pushed himself off the wall as he marched over to Andrew. With every step he took forward, Andrew took a step back until he hit the wall, even then Barrett didn’t stop until his hand pressed against Andrew’s chest, roughly shoving him further into the wall. “Let’s not forget, you didn’t just leave Jem. You gave up on me fair and square. Don’t fucking act like you care now. If you want to get Jem back that’s fine but stop at him. Leave me alone. I don’t need you anymore.”

“Get your hand off of him before I break it,” I seethed but Andrew only shook his head at me as if it were part of his plan or something. 

“I take it you’re still seeing Theo then,” Andrew asked almost smugly but his face still remained soft. “You’re making progress.”

“No thanks to you.”

“You know I didn’t stop seeing you to hurt you, Barrett. I knew you wouldn’t want to see me after Jem was hurt because of us and that you wouldn’t get help again on your own. I’m glad you’re doing better.”

Barrett only scoffed as he harshly pushed Andrew harder into the wall before pushing away with a scowl.

“I didn’t do it because of you,” he seethed. “I did it because those drugs do their job too well. I see Theo for once a month just long enough to convince him I still need them.”

“You don’t talk to him at all? Talk therapy is a great tool. If you open up before things get too hard you can have ways to help and it can keep you from going quite as bad.”

The fight left Barrett’s body all at once leaving nothing but a tired child underneath. A sigh left his lips as he backed away from both of them with a clear frown on his face.

“Don’t talk to me about it getting bad again,” he said barely above a whisper. “You haven’t seen my bad; you left before you could. Date Jem or don’t. Fuck him or never see him again for all I care but leave me out of it. Jem can be stupid enough to love people who won’t stick around but I won’t. Wait for him by yourself, if Jem asks I’m going for a drive.”

He was halfway down the hallway before Andrew fully processed his words. He went to open his mouth to defend himself but when Barrett slammed the door behind him the words died in his throat. 

“I think we did a lot more damage than we originally thought,” he mumbled as he stared at the door Barrett had slammed. 

“We didn’t talk about this before we got here,” I point out, completely ignoring his statement.

“Talk about what?”

“About us. About Jem. Us trying again.”

“And what about it? You like him too right? I know it ended badly but we just need to talk it out.”

“Andrew it’s been 8 months. We can’t just talk it out. These aren’t problems we can just talk out. We need change and we both know he isn’t going to allow that. Why are we wasting our time?”

“You can’t tell me you don’t still like him,” he demanded with a stern frown on his face. “I saw the way you looked at him when he passed out. You were worried.”

“Yea I was worried, I’m a decent person who doesn’t like seeing other people get hurt and he literally passed out because of a wound in his side.”

“Okay, so you don’t want to try and work things out with him,” Andrew asked gently, his accusing voice quickly being replaced with a soft therapist tone. 

“I don’t think I do,” I said honestly though my heart did shudder at the thought. “But I think I shouldn’t get to decide whether or not you try. I don’t feel like that’s fair. I know that not all poly relationships date the same people. As long as I’m dating you that’s enough for me.”

I don’t miss the way he turns red at the last sentence even though he frowns at the rest of it.

“I don’t want to date him without you. It feels like cheating.”

“It’s not and I would never think it was. It’s only cheating if I didn’t know about it but I do and I agreed to it. I would also appreciate not hearing about your relationship with him unless you just feel like you need to let off steam about it.”

“Can I ask why you don’t want to try?”

“Because I know that he and I can’t work,” I admit sadly. Once upon a time, I wanted to make things work so bad I was willing to overlook certain parts of him; picking and choosing the parts of him I wanted to love while ignoring the rest. But now the bliss was gone. I’d been tortured right alongside him for a week and now those parts of him hang around my neck like a noose

I know between the two of us we could protect Andrew if he wanted to try again, hell we already did, but who was protecting me? Andrew had walked away without a physical scratch while I couldn’t sleep on my back for weeks after that day. It was a cop and criminal thing sure, but it was also and Jem and Patrick thing. 

He would choose to save Andrew over me every time and I was okay with that but if it was me in the middle having to choose which one of them to save, I’m not sure I could make the choice and it would get both of them killed. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. 

“But you think we could? Me and Jem?” I don’t bother trying to hide my smile and I pulled my boyfriend into my arms, his head coming to rest on my chest and I played with the hair at the base of his neck. My lips place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I think he would rule hell for you if you stuck around long enough,” I admit though I didn’t like the answer. He would rule hell for Andrew and it hurt knowing he wouldn’t do the same for me. Andrew had walked away from our week in hell just fine and I really am glad for it. That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt that he didn’t allow me to get the same treatment. He’d protect Andrew from the evil of his world while he expected me to bare the evil right along with him. I couldn’t do that again. I couldn’t let him expect that of me again. I’d want to be protected the same way and I know that would never happen. So no, I don’t think Jem and I could last again but I would do anything in my power to help Andrew get the things he wanted, including Jem.

“I still want you to be here when I talk to him. Help me explain why we did what we did. Even if you don’t date him, I don’t want you to be strangers with each other. I don’t want things to be awkward if you happen to bump into each other. I’ll still be living at home with you so Jem might be there at some point. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own home.”

“I’ll talk to him,” I say purely to keep Andrew placed firm in my arms. “But you have to promise to not get your hopes up. You and I both know he could go back to ignoring us the second he walks out of that room.”

“I promise,” he said as he leaned closer to me, both of us knowing good and damn well that he just lied to me.

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