Kilian's pov
Ugh, my beautiful weekend is now over and it's time to go back to the dreadful thing called high school.
Gosh, I would rather stay at home and play video games than go to f**king school.
I have no reason to go there, ok there's Charlie but then again, he's my only friend.
School sucks, it's loud and I don't get to have peace. What's worse is that I get misgendered all the time and I'm sick of it. Through, I know it's not like I can change a dang thing and it's not like I would do something about it either.
Regardless, being home is better despite my parents. Oh, the joy of my parents.
Yeah, my parents. They're nice but they don't get me. For instance, they keep using the wrong pronouns despite my numeral attempts to make them understand I prefer the pronouns they/them/theirs.
They even always boast about how much they are proud of their boy or the opposite. Then, they talk about they wished I would stop being on my damn phone playing video games or my PS5 all the time, then get friends like the others my age.
Their complaints are so annoying. Why can't I just be in peace? I don't need other friends, I already got Charlie.
By now you must have figured out who I am right? Yeah, I'm just Kilian Baker, the non-binary video gamer or aka the huge introvert. So annoying seriously.
Everyone in our school is known for something but I'm not one of those trust me I would rather not be known for my video gaming. I want to go by unnoticed.
Unlike Charlie who's hopelessly crushing on Maverick the Spitfires basketball captain, I want to remain in the shadows. I don't look for fame or look to get noticed. Not my intention at all.
Though, I distinctly remember my mom saying I'm only looking for some attention that's why I say I'm non-binary. That's cruel but that's how most of this f**ked society thinks. Only Charlie doesn't think like that and accepts my choices and my identity.
Yeah, being non-binary is hard. Though, I won't let others decide for me.
I think it's harder because I'm biologically male and most non-binary I've seen or known are biologically female.
It's easier to see the difference for someone born female at birth when they identify as non-binary than guys.
There aren't really any differences. I haven't changed my body or anything. I wear plain hoodies and headphones thanks to my gaming hobby.
As my parents would say, there's nothing wrong with me and I'm just a little confused which is normal.
Thank goodness my name is Kilian. Yeah, my name is gender natural enough for me to not feel like changing it.
Anyways, how long have I known I'm not on the binary spectrum? All my life! Ok, I'm kidding, I wasn't always aware all my life about such terms.
I'd say at 12 I mostly knew. Ever since I was young, I never felt like the boy they made me to be. I just never felt like I was neither a boy, not a girl. I just didn't fit in and it was apparent.
At first, I thought I was trans but when I was 12, I first saw the word non-binary and I instantly knew it was me.
I've never felt like I was apart of the stereotypical gender that society knows about. As I know the terms now, it means I'm anything but binary.
Male and female are the binary gender but there are so much more genders than that as I've come to know in recent years. Gender is so complex and fluid I swear.
Botherline, I'm non-binary and I assume it. Like I prefer the pronouns they/them/theirs, I don't feel comfortable when others state masculine stuff or what's for boys and whatnot.
I don't give a f**k about what's boys and for girls. For me, eevryhrimg is and should be gender-natural, no one asked to be a specific gender just because they were designed like that at birth.
Regardless, my gender identity isn't all that important, school is apparently.
I get to school in a down mood and it doesn't take long before Charlie finds me.
"Kilian!" He says ecstatic.
"What happened again?"
"You would never guess what happened."
"What? Maverick texted you this weekend?" He looks at me shocked.
"How'd you know that?"
"Because I know everything?" I say with a proud smile.
"Anyways, we texted all weekend long!"
"I'm not surprised knowing he introduced himself to me just last Friday."
"So, you're not surprised?"
"Not really, though I'll admit I'm curious, what did you and your boo talk about?" I smirk.
"Kilian! He's not my boo! He's got a girlfriend! Forgot about that?!" He says embarrassed and in disbelief.
"I'm well aware of that." I smile as I decide to finally go to my locker. Chakrie follows suit.
"Then don't say stuff like that!"
"If Maverick is talking to you, it sure must mean he's taken an interest in you. You're way more interesting than his girlfriend."
"Now that's mean Kilian." He scoffs.
"You say it as if you didn't hate her yourself."
"I'm just jealous of her, I don't hate her."
"Sure, it's just that." I sarcastically say.
We get to my locker and I unlock it, then put my backpack in.
"Anyways, enough about me and my crush. What about you Kilian? Will you ever get a special someone?" I froze upon hearing that but get my act back together.
"Are you serious Charlie? You're not asking me that for reals, are you?" I say still shocked and slightly anxious.
"No, I'm just teasing you. I know you prefer being all alone and I've got no problem with that."
What a relief, I was starting to be concerned there. He never talks about my love life but he just did...
Even if it's that, we leave my locker and go sit down at a table.
"Hey, how was it this weekend?" He says concerned and I know exactly what he's referring to.
"You know the usual drill."
"Awh, your parents suck. I wish people could understand or at less try to understand what is non-binary."
"Thanks for your concern but I doubt that'll ever change. I'm used to it anyways."
"Still it sucks you have to deal with that."
"Yeah..."
Suddenly our conversation here interrupted once we notice Maverick Campbell get into the school with Makayla Shewell next to him. Well, they look pretty good despite being a Monday morning.
Not to my surprise, Charlie is stuck looking at them.
"You're staring." I suddenly say.
"Geez, you scared me!" He turns to me.
"I had to let you know. The school could tell you're looking at him."
Through we suddenly get surprised by Maverick looking in our direction and I see him wink at Charlie. Wow, I guess we aren't nobodies anymore. Dang, it...
"Omg! Did you see that!? He winked at me!"
"Yeah, I saw that."
He continues to talk about his crush on Maverick and I force myself to listen. Then, we talk about his big decision on his art exhibit that he has yet to have an answer to.
—————-
It's the first period and call me crazy but I don't want to go to class. I don't feel like it. Monday classes suck. I would rather go play video games and level up my game than those classes.
You know what? I'm skipping. Yeah, I am. I've done it before but I don't do it often. Besides, I don't like P.E. P.E. sucks! OMG! Guys are forced to play basketball, which I suck at.
Everyone knows skipping classes is bad but it's not like I'd do anything if I miss P.E.
Most of the time I tell Charlie when I do so but I've just made up my mind last minute so he won't know. I mean it doesn't matter if I don't tell him.
Now I just have to find a way to be able to get to my secret place without being caught. Call me crazy but it's behind a tree. A tree that makes it so that others can't see me.
Ok, here I go. I walk in the almost near-empty hallways and head to the front doors. There, there's a teacher.
"Hey, what are you doing not going to class." The teacher says suspiciously at me.
"I have an appointment to go to."
"An appointment? What kind of appointment?"
"A doctor's appointment."
"Is the school aware of that?"
"My mom called me five minutes go day saying I have a last-minute X-Ray to do."
"X-Ray? Is there something wrong with you?"
"If Scoliosis scouts then yes."
"Scoliosis? Hmm, I heard it can be quite dangerous."
"Yeah, my back's been hurting more than usual so I need to see my doctor," I say a white lie.
"Ok, you can go. I just hope you're not lying!"
"I promise I'm not." I lie.
Then the teacher lets me go and I release a breath of relief.
I don't like lying but it's better when you tell a white lie.
That was a white lie? Yeah, it was. I never talk about it because it's not well preserved but I have scoliosis. My spine has a curve.
It's a big thing but at the same time, it isn't. It indeed hurts sometimes but not all the time. You can't really notice that as I'm not that crooked but that's because my curve is not that bad.
I discovered I had a curve at 11, luckily for me because it was starting to get worst. They decided to give me a corset to keep me straight and it helps but it doesn't get rid of the curve.
Once a curve of the spine starts, it's irreversible. Yeah, irreversible. Mine is not bad to the point I need surgery to correct it but it's still that.
So yeah, it's true I like wearing hoodies but that's because I like to hide my corset. No one needs to know about it and see it.
Anyways, I wasn't lying when I say it hurts sometimes and I do X Rays to make sure everything is fine but I have no appointment for today.
I guess I'm good at doing white lies.
I walk out and get out of the school's yard. Then, that leaves me on the sidewalk. I walk for a little bit till I find the particular tree. Then, I go there.
I get surprised to see a figure there and even more when I realize who it is.
"Dakota? What are you doing there?" They turn around which reveals that they were crying.
"Oh, Kilian...I didn't think you'd come here." They say in a tick European accent.
"Liar, you knew I had P.E. today."
"True..."
"So, what brings you here?" Gosh, I'm not used to making conversation like that.
"Oh, I just didn't feel like going to class."
"Nonsense, you love learning new stuff."
I approach them and they look at me.
"Yeah...I guess today I feel sad."
"Is it one of your moods again?" They get caught off guard and stare at me confused.
"Not really but why are you here? I thought you don't want to see me."
"When did I ever say that?"
"We never see each other..." They say melancholic.
That almost makes me guilty.
"I guess we don't but then again we never see each other, other than here."
"Why can't we see each other more often?" I get uneasy.
"Are you crazy? No!"
"Kilian...how can we date or whatever...if we never see each other?" They say in their tick Ukrainian accent.
Sometimes I would be busy analyzing their accent but now's not the time.
I come even closer and take Dakota in my arms.
"You were crying because of me were you?"
"Not necessarily..." They say sadly.
"Stop lying, I know you were."
"I can't help it, I never get to be with you..."
"Dakota you like learning new stuff like the nerd you are and I like having some peace, we can't be together all the time."
"I know that but...we've been dating for a few weeks and it doesn't feel like it."
"If you expected more, lower your expectations."
"I just...that day you were so carefree and we were so happy together. It was clear you loved me but now..."
"Dakota...stop overthinking, I still like...being with you or else I wouldn't be here." They look at me sadly.
"It doesn't look like it."
"What were you expecting?"
"I thought I'd see you more often. I respect your choice to remain a secret but you never even text me...I can't help but be insecure you know?"
Gosh, that's much to ask. What do I do with that? I can't possibly see Dakota more often or else it'll ruin everything. Ugh...why did I agree to get into this relationship...? So demanding...
I remain silent.
"Kilian? Please don't shut down on me...it was just a request..."
I can't answer them...
Suddenly, I get surprised by a soft kiss and that gets me out of my thoughts.
"What...? What are you doing...?" I say confused.
"You weren't answering so..."
"Still...you didn't need to kiss me." Suddenly, they start smirking.
"I had to! You were too cute not to!" Ugh, they're back to their usual bubbly self.
"I might as well leave you." They look at me hurt.
"No! Don't leave! I don't know when's the next time I'll see you!" Well...that's pretty bad the way they put it.
"Ok fine, I'll stay." I fake my unamused attitude.
"Thanks."
They hug me again and breathe my scent. Gosh, that's so strange...I'm not used to it but...I guess I like it.
"Hey...you said you wished to see me more often..."
"Yes!" Ugh, they're looking at me all hopeful.
"I didn't even complete my sentence."
"I don't care! I can tell I'll love your answer!" Gosh, I think I must have lost my mind about what I'm about to ask.
"It's not what you think but...are you any good at video games?"
"I can be good when I want to!" I facepalm myself unamused by that answer.
"Oh, you're serious..."
"Yeah, I am."
"Then, I'm not the best but I'd like to learn." They say smiling brightly.
Ugh...Why'd I'd think they would be any good?
"You saw the other day that I was playing my favourite video game and I was wondering...if...if you'd like to play with me..." Gosh, why do I feel so awkward saying this?
"Of course!" They say beaming with joy.
"You better learn correctly because I hate losing."
"Understood!" I can't help but laugh at the sight of that but that is rare for me.
"Kilian...you're laughing." I stop laughing and notice that Dakota is frozen in space and blushing. They're blushing at me?
"Oh..."
"No! Don't stop laughing! I like it!" Well...that is new...
We continue hugging each other for the rest of the hour. Sometimes I showcased my favourite video games but it was calm and relaxing.
———————-
After that moment with Dakota, I was back at school for Chemistry. Unfortunately, earlier I got scolded by Charlie as he was worried. It's sweet but I learned that he was with Maverick, so he was fine after all.
Regardless, I have some explanation to do. Yeah, I am a big fat liar.
I'm dating Dakota and no one knows. Crazy right? Even I tend to forget about them because I only see them in my secret place but today was nice.
We've been dating for a few weeks and yet we saw each other less than 5 times. Can't help it when I'm not fond of socializing.
I first met Dakota back in January when it was cold as hell. They were skipping P.E. just like I did.
I didn't utter a word but they started talking to me like the pest they are but the rest is history.
I agreed to date even if I'm new at this. I trust Dakota and feel comfortable with them strangely enough.
Maybe it's because they understand me in a way and they are gender fluid. So, they understand gender identity issues.
Dakota isn't their real name. I know their real name but I don't care. I respect their new name and see them as a person, not their gender, so gender neutral.
They have short dyed blue hair that is starting to face and turn into dirty blond hair and they have green eyes. They're pretty. They come from Ukraine so they are a refugee from the war there.
They have a Ukrainian accent but they are really good at English, impressive.
They also have ADHD I'm sure of it but I don't care. I'm used to it.
It's maybe bad that Dakota is a secret like that but I like how things are and I intend to keep it that way.
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