Goodness, I feel so flustered today. I know have no reason to. Instead, I should be celebrating by medal I won in the competition I did yesterday but that's just not me.
I've always lived my high school life in shadows with my friends but it seems like someone will ruin that.
It's Alexis, the school's president. She scares me, especially with that dominating aura of her. I was terrified when she suddenly asked to talk to me earlier.
It seems like she figured out my talent. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide for long because of my growing talent but I didn't think that it would caught the interest of Alexis Jones of all people.
How can I not know her? She's the school president and she holds prestige in this school.
Regardless, yesterday the medal I won is an important one I can't deny. I won first place in men's figure skating at the championship that was state-wise.
A lot of people would say there are not a lot of figure skaters where I live and that's why I won first place. I don't believe them. I think there are full of other skaters that are one thousand times better than me.
This morning the very Alexis Jones came to congratulate me in person and of course, she made sure the entire school heard about it. All thanks to her, I will be the center of attention which I don't very like.
I will no longer be just a sophomore guy. No, everyone will know me, everyone will know me as Parker Watkins a figure skater who won first place in a championship state-wise.
It's not that I'm ashamed of my win, it's just I don't want to have all this popularity like ones such as Maverick Campbell, Makayla Shewell, Emery Blackwell and even a volleyball girl like Lane Hopewell has. I wanted to remain a sort of loser with my trio of friends. I guess it won't be the case anymore as it's already too late.
I get into the art class with Ms. Lessings alongside my best friend Torrey and instantly everyone looks at me. They saw the post the school made a few minutes ago. They'll announce it on the radio too.
I can't miss the fact of who's in my class. There's Maverick Campbell in this class and speaking of that, he's talking to this talented art guy Charlie. There's even Lane Hopewell, the best volleyball player in Rochester High. She's not that popular but it might be due to her bratty attitude. Through, I know her thanks to Torrey and now thanks to Blake too.
Blake is in the journalism club and he's the one that does lots of articles on sports players in our school. So yeah, I know everyone thanks to him.
Anyways, those very same people look at me and I get nervous. Gosh...why does even have to look at me?
"Ah, Parker, come here." Ms. Lessings says.
I come closer to her desk.
"Yes, Mam?"
"Why didn't you tell me you won first place in figure skater?"
"Oh, uh, it's not that important," I say awkwardly.
"Of course it is! You didn't just win any kind of award, you won state-wide!" Ms. Lessings says loudly and everyone hears her.
"Hey! Congrats on winning Parker! You totally killed it!" Maverick yells happily.
"Hey, I didn't know you were a figure skater! I saw your performance and you killed it!" Lane yells and I blush feeling flustered.
"That's my friend right there!" My friend Torrey says proudly.
"See, it's very important. People are proud of you Parker. You have a special talent others don't have. I believe you are the first figure skater in this school in over a decade and the first one to be a boy!" Oh...being called a boy like that doesn't feel right. I'm just a figure skater, my gender isn't important.
"Thanks, Ms. Lessings but you don't have to say that."
"Nonsense! We are very proud of you!" She says and I get flustered.
"See, you have nothing to worry about." My best friend Torrey says ecstatic.
"Yeah..."
Torey and I both go take our almost completed painting and go place it down on easels next to each other.
"Ok, class. This is the last class to paint the face of one of your classmates, so you better impress me and not waste your time." Oh gosh, painting is not my cup of tea nor for Torrey.
As soon as we start painting, the radio news start going on and instantly I get modified once I hear my name.
"The whole school council, the principal board and every student wish to congratulate Parker Watkins on winning first place in the men's figure skating statewide championship."
Everyone in class looks at me and starts to congratulate me all over again and the news continues. Torrey smiles brightly at me too. I'll have to hear this all day long right? Ugh, why did Alexis have to find that out? It's so embarrassing!
Once everything dies down, we start painting. Without surprise, I painted Torrey as I'm friends with no one else in this class.
Through, Torrey isn't painting me. No, she has a crush on a girl in this class.
I forgot to mention Torrey likes literally everybody she sees.
Anyways, Torrey has a crush on this chubby girl Grace. Grace is a good singer and Torrey happened to hear her sing after school. Since then Torrey has been madly in love with her as Torrey tells me all the time.
Torrey could ask her out but Grace is dating a guy. Apparently, it's the radio guy and I can tell Torey is hiding something about it because there's something she seems to have in mind that she's not telling me. She usually tells me everything.
Regardless, I'm just glad it means I won't be third wheeling because third wheeling still feels strange for me.
Torrey and I are best friends since elementary school and we used to be neighbours but I moved in 6th grade a little bit farther. Even if it's that, we have been inseparable since then.
Actually, something particular happened in middle school. Ok, it's long forgotten but in 7th grade, everyone was pressuring us to date each other so we did. I asked about the dance back then and she said yes.
It was the first time we both dated. She was my first kiss of course. Through, after a few weeks, we realized we were better off as friends. We just had two innocent crushes on each other that's all.
Even though we are technically exes, it doesn't feel like we are. We are two best friends with an unbreakable bond. We never talk about that but sometimes we joke about it for fun especially her.
I know I look Asian, which I am but how does my best friend look like? We might be besties but we couldn't be any different.
Her natural hair color is light chocolate brown but she recently dyed her hair red. It's pretty on her. She dyes her hair often. She has very short hair, styled in a long layer underneath. She also has smokey blue eyes.
Everyone thinks she's lesbian becomes of her hair. Trust me, she likes guys too. Though, she does have a preference for girls.
Unlike other girls, Torrey is really strong. She is well built but that makes sense, she likes going to the gym and using heavy weights. She does a lot of push ups. I don't understand why she likes it so much but she loves training. She almost has a six-pack and she's even capable of lifting me off in the air without any problem. I'm not even able to do that and she's a girl dang it! Botherline, she's solid while I am as light as a feather softy.
She also wears losses T-shirts most of the time and low jeans. Honestly, I'll say it and say my best friend is good-looking. Through, I no longer bear such feelings for her.
Torrey is not my only friend. I mentioned Blake earlier.
We met him last year when we were all freshmans, we have been a trio of friends since then.
He has mid-length black hair and light brown eyes. I would say he's basically average but for some reason when I first met him I had a crush on him.
Ok, it wasn't just a small crush but a huge one. Torrey knew about it but he didn't. Even if I am naturally shy, he's worse. Ok, no, I was willing to confess to him but he made it clear he wasn't interested in a relationship and he didn't like guys either. So, that got my hopes down.
It was painful having a crush on him and having to hide it but I would say lately it hasn't been the case all that much. I'm starting to think I'm moving on from him. That's a good thing.
I think it has to do with figuring out the gender identity journey I've been going through the last few months. Yeah, funny enough I'm questioning my gender identity.
I've always felt like my gender wasn't important. Being a boy meant nothing to me at all. I see myself as a person, someone that lives in this world. I don't define myself as a boy. I feel like I have a lack of gender.
It hasn't been long but I just figured out what my gender identity could be. I told Torrey about it and even Blake. It's Blake that figured out I was Agender. Agender means no gender or a lack of gender. Torrey said non-binary but it's not like I feel like neither gender, I feel no gender attributes to me at all. So, Blake's suggestion makes more sense.
It's still too new but due to my last competitions of figure skating, I haven't had the time to think about it some more. Figure skating is taking a toll on my time but that's fine because I like figure skating.
I said that I was Asian. Yeah, I believe I was adopted. Apparently, my genes are Japanese so my parents instant sighed me up for figure skating at the age of 4 sense that's part of Japan's culture.
I'm glad they did because I have liked it since then and over the years I have only become better. Over the last few years I've been doing more and more competitions as I am now 15. I'm winning more and more than I ever did.
My biggest supporter are my parents, my younger sister Viola and my figure skating coach Ms Okedo. I thank them for supporting me and helping me every step of the way. My younger sister took a liking to figure skating too even if she is her biological daughter. She was amazed by me since day 1.
Even though skating in an ice rink is what makes me happy, it has given me difficulties too.
For every performance, I am pressured to not fail a single pirouette etc and to be perfect or else it'll look bad. In figure skating, everything has to be spectacular, perfect and nailed.
I am someone that is sensitive to stress and it undoubtedly impacts me a lot.
It has caused me to become a sort of perfectionist. I always want everything to be perfect in my routine. I do everything so nothing goes wrong.
I'm already forced to go to the ice rink every single day after school but I make extra sure to perfect my movements for hours on end.
Being a figure skater is already hard on my mental health and on the physical side too but I'm surely not myself.
Through, I try harder than others. I just never feel good enough all the time. I know my parents will be proud of me no matter what and Torrey tells me to relax a bit but I can't help it.
It took me lots of training and practice to win first place for the first time.
I know everything I do is too much and I overwork myself but I can't stop myself. I just want each of my performances to be performed perfectly. I can't miss a single thing. I tried so hard to get where I am now and make my parents proud of me. I can't give up.
I have anxiety for sure, bad anxiety. Most teenager deals with that but it's not like mine. I have suffered the fear of not being good enough all the time for the judge. Despite my efforts, I always fear I'll disappoint the judges and that I'll fail.
I won't lie and say I don't suffer from anxiety and stress performance, I do suffer from that. I heard a lot of figure skaters go through that too. I could withdraw from the competitive world but I don't want to disappoint my parents who allowed me this opportunity to get where I am right now.
So yeah, I may seem like a typical teenager who's a shy guy but I'm not. I live a peaceful life in the shadows at school and practice like crazy after school
——————-
After countless congratulations were thrown my way this morning, it's finally lunchtime.
I'm currently at Torrey's locker with her and Blake.
"Goodness Parker, I've never seen so many congratulating before." Blake says.
"I know, it's nerve-wracking. Why do I have to be the spotlight today?"
"Because you earned it! You won first place, Parker! That's not nothing!" Torrey says excitedly as she takes her lunch bag. Yeah, we all don't eat the cafeteria food. It's not good according to Torrey.
"I know having all this spotlight on you is not fun but at least it's for a good thing." Blake smiles.
"Hey! Blake, I have an idea." Oh no...Torrey is smirking.
"What kind of idea Torrey? I'm scared already."
"You should write an article about Parker!"
"But he's not apart of a team in this school," Blake argues.
"Figure skating is still a sport and a good one! You could write tons of good things about Parker's performances!" Torrey says ecstatic.
"You don't have to listen to her you know?" I say anxious and embarrassed.
"I mean, Torrey's idea isn't bad but if you don't want to, I won't write an article about you. I'm asking your consent unlike Torrey.
"Hey! I'm still here you know?!" Torrey says offended.
"Yeah, I know. Think about it for the rest of the day. It's not urgent to write about you as the Spitfires already have a game tonight and I have to write about it."
"Oh yeah, you'll write about Maverick," I say.
"Yeah, that includes him."
"Hey, Blake?" Torrey says.
"Yeah?"
"Are you allowed to write other things than just stats?"
"Not really no why?"
"Awh...I was hoping you could talk about the weird situation concerning him and Makayla."
"What's wrong with them? They haven't broken off." Blake says confused.
"Well, they aren't together as much as before, Maverick keeps hanging out with this talented guy Charlie who's probably gay and Makayla keeps being around Emery who's rumoured to have kissed a girl. Isn't it strange?"
"So, I bet the whole school is aware is that and I'm not?" Blake asks.
"Yes" Torrey and I both say in unison.
"I mean I can write a personal blog but I don't like being involved in all those dramas."
"Awh! You're boring Blake!" Torrey whines.
"You're just thirsty for drama," Blake says.
"Um, I don't if you noticed Torrey but this new transfer girl has been hanging around Ethan," I say.
"Yeah, I did see that and that's strange too. What is going on all of a sudden?!"
"The next person that needs to do something is you, Torrey. Are you ever going to talk to Grace, aka your crush?" Blake questions curious. Well, I'm curious too.
"I don't know. She doesn't like girls and she's already dating the radio guy."
"So? What is stopping you from talking to her?" Blake says and all of a sudden Torrey turns silent.
"Ok...I take it as you not wanting to talk about it. Let's go in the cafeteria."
"Yeah," We all agree.
We all go sit down at our table and are surprisingly greeted by the school president Alexis Jones.
"Hi, you guys. You look like such a cool friend group." She smiles with her dominating aura.
Why is she talking to us?
"Yeah, we are." Torrey smirks.
"Can I sit with your nice group of friends?" we look at each other awkwardly for a few seconds and Torrey finally answers for us.
"Yeah, you can."
Alexis sits down next to me and she winks at me. Huh? Why is the school president interested in me?
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