There wasn’t just an easy fix for the way I was feeling. After all, I was falling in love with Vito, and even if he wasn’t straight, why would he return my feelings? What could I give him? 

I rolled and tucked my head into his stomach. Our food was long cold by now. But it was an afterthought compared to everything else. His comment was still eating away at me. If I wanted someone else for comfort, I could get them on my own. I didn’t need his help. 

“Ilya, you need to eat, and take your meds, and we need to see Alessio.” Vito said, his voice gentle in my ears, even as his fingers pulled on my hair. The small bursts of pain on my scalp caused more pleasure than pain. 

“No. This is fine.” I grunted into his side. 

“Ilya. You have to go see Alessio.” 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Fine! Let’s fucking go then!” I snapped, trying to angrily get up off the couch, only for Vito to tighten his hand in my hair. Holding me down in his lap. 

“Ilya, Curb your attitude today.” He warned.

“I need... something.” I hissed. Not really sure what I wanted, but this wasn’t it. 

His fingers loosened in my hair, and I got up. My lack of proper clothing left the hard on that I had on full display. This was the first time my body reacted this way to him, and I was sure whether to be amused or disgusted. 

Vito called my name, and I stomped down to the bedroom, annoyed with the uncomfortableness centred in my groin. In the bedroom, I touched my cock through my boxers. I couldn’t actually remember the last time I had been hard. Slipping my hand under the edge of my boxers, I touched the sensitive skin there. Unfamiliar with my most intimate spots. 

Shoving the boxer down, I gripped my cock. Before I could really debate masturbating, my cock went limp. I laughed, finding this whole thing both fucked up and funny. But that urge was still there. The urge for something I had yet to identify. 

Yanking the boxers back up my legs. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants out of the dresser and yanked them on. I was in no mood to see Alessio. But I wouldn’t get out of this. Vito wouldn’t let me. 

I ate a bit of the food after rewarming it, discovering soon that wasn’t the urge I had. Vito gave me my full dosage of medication, and well, it definitely helped. I still could feel this urge for something. 

“Ilya, are you ready to go see Alessio?”

“No.”

“Good, Let’s go.”

We walked to the medical building, and Alessio was yelling at someone when we got inside. I could hear whoever it was, telling Alessio he worries too much. Vito and I waited on some rolling chairs against the wall for Alessio to be done with whoever. 

Looking up as Alessio, and yet another fucking copy of Andrei, right behind him. I knew there was another, not Andrei’s child. I was aware Alessio had cousins. What one this was, I didn’t know. 

He was openly looking at me. He was also whispering to Alessio, who looked one more word away from hanging the kid up by his ankles. 

“Nikki, don’t you have something better you could do?”

“Eh? No way. I want to meet—---”

“Beat it, Nikki. Some of us are actually busy. Don’t make me call Alexi and tell him you have free time to help with his budgets.”

Alessio reached for his phone, and Nikki took off, and Alessio snickered. 

“Sorry about Nikki, he’s a Mihail, a pest by nature.”

We went to the usual office, and he started pulling things out. He spoke the entire time, which was normal. He paused and crossed his arms and looked at me. 

“What’s bothering you, Ilya?”

“I don’t know.”

“He had an erection this morning.” Vito said, not even a hint of embarrassment on his face. I turned to glare at him, not pleased he mentioned it. 

“Really, hm. That’s a first. Maybe your body is finally getting used to this set of pills. Or it could be a one-off thing. Did you jerk off? Were you able to orgasm?” Alessio asked. 

It was a wonder this man could keep a straight face asking shit like that. But Alessio was pretty professional. 

“No.”

“To jerking off?”

“To both. I neither jerked off nor orgasmed. I went limp after I touched it.”

“That is normal with the medications you’re on. I have a couple of shots to give you, so I need you to take off your pants. Please.”

I stood up and took my pants off, setting them beside me on the bed. Vito went behind the bed, and behind me. This was so he could keep me from hurting Alessio if something happened. 

Alessio got the first needle done and over with and then started on the second. It hurt worse going in, and I hissed. Vito wrapped his hand around my neck from the back and held me against him. 

“Behave, Ilya.” He whispered into my ear.

Alessio finished the round of needles. “Sorry, I know it’s not that comfortable.”

“The first was fine. The second one hurt.” 

“Hm. Interesting.”

Vito’s hand remained around my throat the entire time Alessio checked over me. Alessio upped my medication before he sent me over to speak to Dr Martin. He wanted to speak to Vito. 

“Ilya, I’ve been calling your name for a few minutes. What has your undivided attention today?” Dr Martin asked, sitting on the top of his desk, just watching me, like he always did. 

I shrugged. 

“Let me start this session, then. How are you doing and feeling today, Ilya?”

“Fine. I slept terribly. I have this urge for something I can’t identify.” I muttered. 

“Urge? Want to tell me a little about it?”

“I want something, but I can’t begin to know what the hell it is I want. It’s not food, and the medication helped a little.”

“Is it related to Vito?”

The question felt like an attack, and I immediately reacted. “Why the fuck would you ask if it’s related to him?”

Dr Martin frowned, and not even a moment later, Vito opened the door, Alessio behind him. 

“I told you to curb that attitude today, Ilya.”

“Make me!” I hissed, not moving an inch from the couch where I sat. 

Vito started to come close, but Dr Martin spoke. “Vito, no. You’re giving him what he wants, a reaction. He knows you will give him a reaction if he challenges you.”

“Vito.” I hissed. 

He stayed where he was. It bothered me. 

“Ilya, I asked you if this urge you have is related to Vito.”

I looked at Vito, before I looked back at Dr Martin. 

“Answer the question, Ilya.” Vito said. 

“I don’t know.” I hissed.

“You have the right to refuse to answer questions, Ilya, but I can help if you don’t—--”

“I said I don’t fucking know if this is caused by my feelings for Vito! I fucking answered your question!” I snapped, kicking the coffee table and the decorations a distance away. 

Vito closed the gap between us and yanked my head back, his hand in my hair, and it hurt. “I don’t know why you’re behaving like this, Ilya. But this is your last warning.”

“Vito, let go of him. You’re hurting him.” Alessio said as he was levelling a dosage of medication in a needle. 

“Does it help the urge you’re talking about when Vito manhandles you?” Dr Martin asked, and I became a little more self aware that I was hard again. The shirt I had on was blocking everything because of the way I was sitting. 

“No. The urge is worse.” I sighed. 

“Do you have any sexual reactions when he does this too—-”

“No!”

“Why are you lying, Ilya.” Vito said, calling me out. 

“Are you pent up sexually?” Dr Martin asked and looked at Alessio to see if I said anything to him about it. 

“Vito brought it to my attention that Ilya had an erection earlier today—-”

“Shut the hell-” Vito tightened his hold on my hair. “Ugh!”

“Let go of his hair, Vito. You’re hurting him. I won’t ask again.” Alessio said. Vito slipped his hand out of my hair and I leaned my head back to make sure he wasn’t moving. 

“I told Ilya if he needed someone to help with that kind of stuff, I would find him someone.” Vito said. 

I tuned out the rest of the conversation. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I didn’t want someone else. I wanted Vito and only Vito. 

“I think it might be a good idea to further limit the amount of time you two are together, if it’s having issues like this—---”

“Mind your fucking business, Dr Martin. Poke around in my head all you like, but Vito is mine! I like you, don’t make me have to hurt you.” I hissed, seeing Alessio and his needle coming closer. I didn’t bother fighting with him. I knew how this was going to be. Either way, I was getting a fucking nap. 

Vito blocked him, speaking. “Let me just take him home.”

“Just let him sedate me, if it makes him feel better.” I said. 

Vito stepped out of the way. Alessio recapped the needle and sat on the couch beside me. “Vito isn’t your belonging, Ilya. Apologize to Dr Martin.”

“No. He wants something I don’t. I accept all your medications, poking and prodding with minor issues, and he wants to take Vito away. I won’t have it. I just got him back. I will remove anyone—----” Alessio jabbed me with the needle. 

“Sorry Ilya.”

“Just let me have him.” I hissed, before the comfort of the sedation washed over me, and numbed things again.