If you don’t understand the seriousness of the matter, I’ll put it in simple terms:

First, someone actually came into my room while I slept. Like that’s not creepy.

Second, it is a heavy chest. They’d had to make any noise, if not for the crack of wood against wood, then maybe for the effort. I don’t know… a fart or something. I had done so myself.

Third.

I’ll think about a third one as events unfold. 

Fourth and last, it was my favorite pair of boxers.

I had stuck them in there last night after a long delegation. Turns out, just yesterday I accidentally crashed with Saffron, my chief guard. And before anyone has anything to say, yes, I do crash with Saffron every once in a while per day, but this time it was different. This time, he said:

“You have to be more careful, Sir.”

Seven words. Seven. I counted them twice. It's the longest he’s ever spoken to me. I decided to test my luck since it seemed the god of luck was being generous. I answered:

“Haha…ha yes.”

Saffron must’ve caught up on the…sexy attractiveness of my voice because it didn’t pass half a minute before his next answer:

“You, uh, you can stop holding me now.”

And those, my dear fellows, were eight words. I counted them too.

Isn’t life wonderful?