Chapter 13: How are you going to keep us alive

Ethan Warren

September 8th 2022

111 days after outbreak

The apartment, Minnesota

Season 1

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"Happy birthday, dear Dallen, happy birthday to you," we sang as Dallen smiled. It seemed like birthdays were something that happened every other day and every time the celebration got more disappointing. We had a home now, we had food, safety. We had what we needed and only what we needed.

Time seemed to go by more quickly now that we had a home. Leah and Khai fixed up the generators in the basement, it apparently took hours but I didn't even realize.

We had power now, it was one of our greatest accomplishments. They were going to figure out a way to get us running water soon, I was the most excited for that. And soon they'd renovate the bottom floor so there were no walls, except the one's for the bathroom obviously. Our idea was that we'd create a simple living room where we could store whatever we needed and just live our lives, maybe share a laugh or two.

They always looked to me for answers. Khai made sure I was okay with any modifications made to the house, Rudi and Aiden always checked with me before going on runs for supplies, and Edin and Dallen told me what people were looking for future-wise and what Edin needed to tend to our occasional cuts and scrapes.

I didn't know why they did this. Why am I the leader in their eyes? Khai was capable, so was Aiden, why me? I will never understand what they saw in me.

"Ethan," Rudi said from behind me, grabbing my attention.

"Yeah?"

"Our knives are blunt and there's been more and more of the dead nearby recently."

This was a difficult situation. Without weapons we'd be trapped here when a herd comes by. It wasn't a matter of "if", it was certain to happen eventually.

"You and Aiden didn't find anything while scavenging yesterday?" I asked, unsure of how to necessarily go about this.

"Actually yes, there's a hunting store a few miles east. It looks like whoever last went there barely scraped the top of what's inside before the dead came. The only problem is the place is filled with those things," Rudi informed before Edin joined the conversation.

"Dallen's still not ready for travel. If you're going out, Rudi, do you mind picking up some pain medication? He would appreciate it," Edin asked.

"Of course," he smiled as they left.

"You, Aiden, Khai, and I will head over there tomorrow. Are the knives still sturdy enough to at least get us inside?"

"Yeah, Amy's sharpening them now. She and Leah want to talk to you by the way. They're up on the roof," Rudi said before leaving. I didn't want to talk to Leah, she hated me and I couldn't figure out why. She was tough as nails, her sister was the exact opposite. She rarely talked, Amy loved to talk. The thing was, Leah's cold eyes did all the talking for her.

I made my way up to the roof slowly. Each step on that ladder felt like torture. I could have just never gone up there. Maybe things would be different.

"Leah? Amy?" I asked as I opened the hatch.

"Ethan!" Amy smiled, setting down one of the knives. Leah didn't look at me, she just stared off of the edge. Amy hugged me as she pulled my hand to sit with her on one of the vents.

"Rudi said you wanted to talk to me," I said, occasionally glancing at Leah, making sure she kept the knives on the concrete.

"Yeah about that," Amy avoided eye contact, "Leah more or so wanted to do the talking." We both looked at Leah with anticipation. Until she finally spoke for what felt like the first time. I'll always remember the words that came from her mouth. Like nails on a chalkboard. Painful but I knew where she was coming from.

"Where's Calvin?" I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to seem like a murderer, but after all, that's exactly what I was. I know I should just own up for what I've done but for some reason I just couldn't.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, knowing exactly what she meant.

"How the hell do you expect any of us to trust you, Ethan? You killed a man and we're supposed to turn our backs? How are you going to keep us alive when everyone else knows. They'll leave. They should have left a long time ago. You're not fit to lead. We're all better off on our own." And with that, Leah went down the ladder, off the roof. I stood there in shock, Amy didn't say anything either. I felt terrible.

"Leah won't tell anyone unless you really do something to piss her off," she reassured me. I was grateful for that, though I still knew that it was wrong of me to want to keep this secret.