Chapter 15: I'm sorry for failing all of you

Ethan Warren

September 10th 2022

113 days after outbreak

The apartment, Minnesota

Season 1

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I'm sorry Addie

I'm sorry Connor

I'm sorry Leah

I'm sorry Rudolph

I'm sorry for failing all of you

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It was midnight now, maybe a few hours after, I could never really tell anymore. I laid in my bed, eyes wide awake. I knew I wasn't the only one awake.

Rudolph went to sleep for the night finally. Ashton pulled up another couch to sleep by him. He finally went to sleep too. He wouldn't leave his side for anything. I felt uneasy about letting them sleep on the bottom floor but I knew it  would be fine.

I knew why I couldn't sleep, probably for the same reason most people can't sleep nowadays. I felt guilt, maybe I was overreacting. Rudolph would be fine, but I didn't know that yet. It wasn't my fault that he got shot. But I brought him here. I failed him.

I got Connor killed, I was reckless. Addie's not here because I choose this family over the one I was born into. But I'll never regret the choices I make now. I learned from my mistakes.

I borrowed Rudi's notebook again, I knew he wouldn't mind. He wanted to share his own story so I decided to share mine. His notebook is the only reason I know what day it is.

"Hay Ethan," Dallen said as he hobbled inside my room with his crutches made of tree branches. Khai had made them for him. He took a seat on my bed next to me. I sat up, I couldn't look him in the eye. I know I've failed him too.

"Hi,"

"Rudi's doing well but how are you? You've barely said anything since it happened. If you wanna talk I'll listen. Listening is about all I'm good for now," Dallen sighed with a soft smile.

"You'll heal, you're strong. Edin will take care of you. You're already doing so much better. But you are a good listener, Dallen. I'm sorry. We haven't talked much in a while. It's just everything's been a little "much"."

"It's fine, you're only one man, you can't do everything. Besides, I prefer keeping to myself. I'm a little worn out, spending all these days with Edin is kinda exhausting though I do wish her all the best." We both let out a laugh in agreement. We sat there for a while, our own thoughts running through our heads. I wanted to cry, this stress seemed like it would never end. I was done with struggling to survive like this both physically and mentally and it's only been four months.