Next, I date the wrong man. I give up a lot for Cas. Maybe more than I get in return.

We get an apartment together in the same complex his older sister lives. It's close to downtown and it's not unheard of to get one person or another screaming in the middle of the night about one thing or another. It's too far from my old store for me to continue working there. It's too far from school, too.

I rarely talk to my mom, anymore. My dad's side of the family seems to love Cas. Everyone does, even people at the new store where we work together.

But we mostly spend time together doing reckless things.

We drive to Colorado purely for the purpose of buying legal marijuana. We get a car loan together, and then another loan after that car gets totaled doing donuts in a church parking lot in winter. And then another loan.

We fall behind on bills and then get payday loans and then fall behind on those loans.

We get fired from our store and work at another store and then get fired from that store, too.

We get evicted and live with his parents for a while and then get another payday loan each to put a down-payment on an apartment in Little Rock, Utah--the closest thing to a small town that northern Utah has. It's cheap.

One of the cars breaks down and then we just have one car. He can't find a job, and then it's just me with a job at a local Bacon Burgers in Little Rock. It's the first thing in a long time that I've done that doesn't involve Cas.

But there's this weird obsession the people have with pleases and thank yous and women asking for help lifting one thing or another, and I have a hard time fitting in. I try to make drive thru times and I'm told to slow down. That customers around here want fresh food not fast service. And i offend people when I ask them to do what Regina would have asked them to do. And I feel out of place.

I tell Cas so and he laughs a braying, mocking cackle.

"That's because you're a slut. Sluts don't make friends in towns like this."

And I realize Cas isn't the same person he was when we started dating. He's not Kyler's friend anymore. He's just my boyfriend.

"The best thing about being friends with Kyler was meeting you," he says.

"That's a horrible thing to say," I shoot back.

And then he apologizes and gives me the line. "I'm sorry it's just that when I first saw you at Bacon Burgers I thought someone as beautiful as you would never date someone like me."

And he proposes.

With the exception of my mom, the family is ecstatic. My older half sister calls from out of state.

"You've always worried me, being so quiet," she says. "I'm glad you've found someone."

Which I infer to mean I should take what I can get. And I do. But I find myself thinking of Nolan, because he's the closest thing to love I've ever had.

I think I love Cas, but he doesn't love me back the way he should.

He catches me on Nolan's Facebook page. He's back early from his mission.

We can only afford one cell phone between the two of us now. The next day Cas hands it to me without telling me who's on the other line.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Michigan?"

My heart skips a beat.

"Nolan?" I eye Cas, not sure what he's getting at.

"I got your Facebook message. I called right away. Why didn't you tell me your number had changed? I've been meaning to catch up with you. How have you been?"

It's just like Nolan to ask three questions at once.

I pause, Cas's eyes bearing down on me, and I know what I'm supposed to say.

"I'm engaged," I say, somewhat lamely. I can almost hear Nolan's face fall from the receiver. The line ends.

And that's the end of my Dear John scenario.

Cas's smile haunts my dreams that night.