I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do about the whole marriage thing.

I mean...I didn’t even know if I could get hard for a girl. I could probably do it if I really focused and pretended it wasn’t a girl, but, I mean.

That was kind of rude.

And being a homosexual, and hiding that from someone that you were going to spend the next eighty years of your life with…

It just felt…

Weird.

I didn’t know what I was going to do.

I so badly wanted to tell my Dad, since he was the one I usually went to when I needed advice or to work through things, but I didn’t know if I could actually say it out loud. I knew he wouldn’t care – some people really hated homosexuals, but my uncle Laurie had been one, and so I knew it wouldn’t be a big deal to Dad.

But…

Actually saying it out loud would make it so real, and….

I don’t know if I was ready for it to be real.

I heard there was rumors that there were homosexuals in the city, where it was easy to hide shit, which I think Todd was alluding to at work just a little bit ago, but…

It was just complicated.

I so badly wanted to try it out before I had to get married.

Just once.

But I was to nervous to even think about it sometimes, so who knows if I’d actually have the nerve to do anything about it.

After Todd and I had a quick lunch at the new restaurant – and God damn, I was so fucking sick of fish – Todd promises to come see me at the platform when I left for the city, and I promised I would met him at the platform in the city. I wanted to hang out with him a little bit longer, but Riverside was throwing a big party to celebrate the end of the silence, and so I knew I had to start heading home to get through the crowds, since I couldn’t use the main road, as it didn’t bring me anywhere near my hometown.

I went to the stables where Dewdrop was, using the comm there to call home. My mom cried at the sound of my voice and we laughed a little bit together, and I agreed to stop by the market once I was back in town to grab something she needed for a dessert that Wendy had found a recipe for.

I took Dewdrop back then, admiring the cool spring night on our steady ride home. I ran into Redtree on the way to the market and he told me to tell my Dad that he would be coming by with his daughters to see what Dewdrop had learned, and I made him promise that he’d let Mimi ride her if he ever entered her in anything. He agreed and I brought Dewdrop to the market.

The streets of our town were as lively as the ones in Riverside had been, everyone looking to hug or shake hands. I probably shook four hands between where I tied up Dewdrop and got to the aisle where they sold the gelatin mixture.

“Ren!” I smiled, turning when I saw Marybeth there with her daughter, the same age as Delphi, my second youngest sister. “How was your last day at work?”

“Busy – I tried to get as much done.”

“Of course you did – your a good boy.” She frowned then, looking concerned. “I heard they have a Vermilion working there now?” She asked lightly, looking down the aisle as she moved closer with her basket.

“Yeah, Todd – he’s great. We hang out all the time.” I said with a nod.

“Yes...right.” She said with a little smile, “Ren...you know,” She lowered her voice, frowning, “He might be a cheese chaser.”

I stilled, smiling reflexively because “what the fuck is that?” I laughed, her daughter giggling.

“It’s someone that turns in people to the novus in exchange for a bounty.” She said softly. My smile fell. “I’m guessing you’ve never been to one of Pastor Vermilion’s sermons?” I my brow knitted as I shook my head a little. “He and his descendants are violently anti-homosexual. They are the very, very religious in a way that...leaves no room for compromise.”

“I mean...Todd’s been pretty great.” I said as I patted my palm with the box of gelatin mix.

“That’s the thing about the Vermilion clan. They are friends to your face, but I assure you, the only thing they have more than homosexuals are -” She drew the camilla sign in the air between us. The novus. “That’s why there are so many-” She drew the sign again, “-in Riverside, twice as many as anywhere else, even The City. Because the Vermilion Church insists on the division of daywalkers and nightwalkers, which is only a step away from all sorts of things that aren’t good.” She smiled at me then, bright, “Do you know if your mother’s store has more more of those pink dyed feathers? My sister in law is expecting another girl and I want to make her a board wit the baby’s name.”

“Uh,” I blinked, shaking my head a little. “Yeeeah, I think so. My sister is going to the Riverside Bazaar to pick up more dye, so if there’s not any now...there should be in a couple day…”

“Great.” She reached forward and gently squeezed my arm. “Be careful.” She then smiled down at her daughter, taking her hand to walk off with her and their basket.

I shook my head, my eyes widening briefly.

Cheese chaser?

Todd would never do that.

He just wasn’t that kind of guy.

He was super religious, yeah, we talked about the bible all the time – he said he was impressed that I was one of only six people that could recite the bible word for work. I had told him I had a photographic memory, something most of my sisters had (my uncle Laurie as well), but he was always testing me.

And I never failed a question.

And...I think I would know if he was the kind of guy to do something like that, which I didn’t think he was.

He hated nightwalkers as much as I did, which was something we bonded on – we never voiced it, but we shared looks whenever we ducked into stores when a nightwalker was skulking down the streets of Riverside.

But homosexuals?

I was nearly positive Todd was one, so – I don’t think it was possible to be a homosexual and hate homosexuals.

That was crazy.

I shook my head and decided to focus on more important things.

Like the fact I had to meet with the mayor tomorrow with my Dad. He would be giving me my train ticket as well as the details of where I would be staying in the city, something he and Big Blue arranged when I came of age to go and put my details in to the registry.

Importantly, he would also be giving me the little device I would need to bring with me to the lab to upload my details, a device of which there was only one, and could only be used once before I would throw it out.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I was going to the city in just a couple days.

What if Mom needed to go back to the clinic?

Who was going to help grandpa around the house when Dad went to stay with mom? Who was going to remember to check the dogs paws for bristles? And no one knew how to fix Delphi’s rock polisher.

I needed to do that while I still remembered, that way it’s work for at least the next couple weeks.

I thought about that as I rode home, and before I was fully off Dewdrop, all my sisters came out screaming and talking, nearly dragging me off the horse. They started screaming and I started screaming, and mom and Dad screamed inside-

And it was so, so fucking good to be heard again.

It was so good to hear others again.

And I was going to miss my family so fucking much when I went to the city.

I would call, and send letters, but it wouldn’t be the same -

And I was so excited. I was so fucking excited to have my moment alone, but I was so fucking aware of how much I would miss waking up to seeing my sisters sleeping across the room, and Delphi usually spread out across the bottom of my bed with her cat.

I would be back though in a couple months, probably this time next year, I think.

Well, fuck, I’d be back for Christmas, and Easter for sure, and probably a few times in between.

But still.

It wouldn’t be like this again for a long time, so I intended to enjoy it while I could.

So I didn’t complain once while I sat in the kitchen as Mom poured smoke over me from a special pan, my sisters as making ‘shh, shh, shh’ noises as they swiped long feathers over my head.

We stayed up all night long talking, the entire family all sitting in the living room eating sweets until we were sick, and when the dawn came up, I helped dad with the morning chores before we went upstairs to catch a couple hours of sleep before we had to start getting ready to meet the mayor.