“What?” I ask also checking what time it is. “Oh, shoot, the commissions I’m doing.” I said and come back onto my desk to finish the commissions I’ve been doing for last two days.
“Why do you always waste time doing those, it’s so easy to draw, so why do you do that as if it was the hardest thing on earth? Why don’t you get a real job and move out, already. For the love of God, you’re already 25, capable of having a job and moving out.” I ignored her, I would love too, but I’m still finding a good place to move out.
“Finally, you’re moving out to your dad’s house. I don’t think, I can take anymore calls from your stepmother to tell you or convince you to move out.” I was shook to what she said, what the actual f*ck, even Allie was being bugged.
“oh my gosh, sorry for that. I don’t know after I finished this bulk commission, I’ll accept the ace company’s offer, their studio were not bad for starting experience. I saved up enough money to afford the first 3 months.”
After, I finished the digital arts for those social media influencers, I immediately joined them for DINNER, yes, I only have an afternoon snacks.
“Finally, coming down here, you’re so busy wasting your time with your gadgets. Hon, tell your daughter to find a stable job, not that drawing drawing thing. Some of her batch mate already have a family of theirs and her friend, Allie is an office worker herself.”
“I don’t know what to do with my husband’s daughter. She doesn’t want to get a real job.”
“Oh, the stepdaughter of mine is much worse, she would sleep at 5 AM then will wake up at 2-4 PM already. Her reason always get me, quote, I have commission to finish, unquote. I don’t like her.”
“My husband still didn’t kick out of his daughter, the young lady is too lazy. Doesn’t have her own job, unhealthy foods, and obsession to those for children cartoons.”
I had enough, I don’t know why she have to say a word about my life.
“So, why don’t you have a job yourself? Weren’t you young as you say, 35, I remember as you only have a decade old to me. My dad still has his job, how about you, stepmother?” I said smiling to her.
“Why don’t we enjoy our food first, no? I’m tired from work that the both of you have been discussing. So ladies, shall we eat first?” I’m so thankful that my dad are still the same. Right after we finish eating, I excused my dad so we can talk privately.
“What talking to my husband privately? That’s absurd!”
“What as if he’s not my father?” right then I heard dad laugh, oh I said it out loud.
“Alex is right, I am her father, her father first.” it was as if he’s carving it to her, slapping every word.
We went to the park, the park we used to play when I was young. The three of us, him, mom, and me. I really miss mom, her sweets, cooking, and warm hugs. Before my tears really fall, I go straight to the point.
“I’ll move out, just what she wanted me to do all these years. Tho, that’s only one of many factors, it’s because I know now that someone’s watching you right now. I think it’s time for me to get out of the frame.” I said, I couldn’t hold it anymore, tears falls nonstop.
“Shh… It’s okay, I understand. It must been hard for you, accepting those hurtful words. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything.” I can feel the helplessness to his words, I can’t help but to blame him sometimes, tho, it must’ve been so hard for him to keep us in truce. “How about I’ll pay for the first six months of your rent.”
“No! That’s too much, Hon!” I was shook to the core when I heard my stepmother's voice roaring, when I say ROARING I meant it. “how many bucks that would be? That’s so much for her, we couldn’t afford the baby’s thing if you pay for her.” she said and look at me. “YOU! HOW DARE YOU BE SO THICKED FACE! WHY CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A PLACE AT MY HOUSE AND YOUR ROOM WILL BE MY CHILD’S ROOM.”
I know, I must not be affected by her words it had her malicious intent, I might understand it if weren’t for her words. I left them , I wish my dad were an assh*le as well so I can hate them. That night I found out my things packed by Sophia, my stepmother. Even, ruined my paintings by stabbing them, I hold on to my works and cried my heart out.
“Why don’t you let go and move on, hm?” I look at mom then look back to my broken toys.
“But Mom, how can I let go? They broke my toys, those are precious to me.” I said in a low tone voice and give the bullies who destroyed my precious toys, they only laugh at me and make face. I hate them, why can’t be nice?
“It’ll only give you so much resentment that’ll burden you when you’re the only one who’s holding them. It clearly looks like you’re the one who can use your brain, so let’s just adjust, okay? Don’t let them get in to you, think of it as adjustment because you’re a genius and they don’t think what they’re doing.” I don’t understand my mother’s word, but I let it go as she said.
Should I let go this time, again? I’ve been doing it for so long that its draining me. Hope my mom will forgive me for having some grudges to someone.
~ ~ ~
“So, Ms. Alexandra, if you don’t mind me asking, where did you get your inspiration to you paintings to your works?” I smile, looking back things that happened, I rather call it courage and motivation than inspiration.
“Alex, this is only help I can give you.” Dad give me a money, which I didn’t accept.
“No, you need that more than I do. Congrats, by the way, you now having a full new family. Universe really telling me that this place weren’t my home anymore.” I said
“Alex, can you forgive your Aunt Sophia, already?” Unknowingly, I smiled before whispering,
“No, I’m sorry, Dad. I can’t, take this as being personal because yes, it is a personal grudge and choice.” I said before bugging him, tight. I know he will give some excuses for me to forgive her, finally new wife.
“I don’t need her forgiveness! All I want is for her to leave, she don’t have use in this house, didn’t even bring single penny.” It’s either best or worst, I pity dad for having the latter.
“I’ll be leaving, I don’t know what I could do to that woman if I stay for a little more. I love you.”
I’ve live a decent life, working at the Ace Company while taking the opportunity to show my works to others through competitions. Everytime I used a brush and strokes it onto the canvas, my ruined works were flashing, all the memories of Sophia talking bad about what makes me happy. I tried my best to survive and thrive to be successful in the field I chose.
What lies beneath the surface area the talent that had been buried and discouraged by words. Words that made me lose hope, that made me feel so insecure thinking maybe I am just a wannabe who will be slapped by the reality, that I am indeed wasting my time and a failure.
NEWS: THE ARTIST WHO WON GRACEFULLY OVER 10,000 OTHER ARTISTS, ALEXANDRA DELI.
Alexandra Deli, the graceful artist who rank first over 10,000 competitors said, “Inspiration? Rather than that, I’ll say courage and motivation. I used the hurtful comments that I received from the past to create the new version of me. I was very insecure before to everything I do, to the point that I closed my commission where I get my extra income and even resigned because I’m not enjoying it anymore.”
“Alex, I heard that you resigned, but I didn’t hear why. Do you want to tell me? Are you okay?” I look at Allie, I can’t help but to cry.
“What should I do? I can’t draw or paint anymore, I hate seeing my piece, they were so ugly to my eyes. I can’t help but to feel like a failure to the field, I chosen.” That wasn’t all, Sophia is still bothering me with her words and cursing me to her messages. What did I do to deserve those? I treated her nice, when she’s such a b*tch towards me.
“Maybe, take a break, like going out on a trip? Sight seeing? I know you have a talent for your crafts.”
“But a child told me that I shouldn’t mind what others say, it’s my life and I can do what I wanted to do with it. Imagine, being scold by a kid when I’m 28 year old that time. Yet, I’m so thankful with that encounter, I found a new reason to live. She even said “Why don’t you make them see that they have no right to tell you, what are you.”, with her wisdom, I decided to face my fear and paint to make them feel that I’m much powerful than their words is to me.”
Alexandra encourages everyone to learn from her story, that no matter what other people say, you do you.
“Don’t let them feel the satisfaction, do the opposite of what they tell you. Believe in yourself, you can do it.”
“I’m so glad that you found me when I need someone the most. Please, say hi to my mother for me, entertain her with your words as well. Thank you for pulling me out to the sinking sand I’m in.” After I placed the flower to her resting place. A waste that the world lost such an amazing person, but at least she won’t feel the pain from her medication, at last her suffering end.
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