Dedicated to all those who do not understand what it is to feel in love but yearn to understand it.

June 24, 2023

Sade

It may sound cliché but it happened, the day the funeral of the love of my life was held, the sky cried the same way he did, that young man who never showed his emotions with anyone other than Runa.

I slowly approached him, for several seconds I did nothing but watch him with my lips sealed by silence and rancor.

It's not like Christopher did anything to me at all, like I just said he didn't care about anyone but his deceased partner and that's why I hated him so much. No, it wasn't him my bones died for but Runa. He took her from me for being a man, because she wouldn't even look twice at me being one of her best friends. Because... I was a woman and so was she.

Runa wasn't attracted to women at all, she'd made that clear to me several times with her way of acting, but it was funny how she could be dating a potential jerk instead.

A potential jerk that I intended to console since it was the only face besides Runa's parents that seemed familiar to me.

'Oh hello' he deigned to greet me first noticing my presence when he looked over his shoulder.

'...hello'

Christopher turned all his attention to the graves in the distance. He was wearing a black T-shirt with the top buttons undone, his brown hair half up, leaving a few strands of bangs drifting across his face in the air. His complexion was so pale that it looked like a chessboard in which black and white were interspersed.

'It's funny, isn't it? Runa was the same age as me and she is still dead. But... far from what death means, her hasn't been extremely dramatic' he gave a dry laugh. I stared at him in disbelief, unable to understand how he was able to talk about her so flippantly about her 'It was so sudden that it makes it even more shocking and difficult to process. A traffic accident would have been easier to process even, they would recover her body, they would close the roads for a day, it would be on the news...'

'What are you getting at your point?'

He ignored me.

'And yet it was all so sudden. One second Runa was alive and the next her heart stopped. She had given no indication of failing or having cardiology problems, some would say fate. But why would fate want to take someone so young that...?'

I hit hisface with all my might, leaving a reddish mark instantly. It was very likely that the next day it would turn purple and spread a little. Ouch. Maybe I crossed a line, hitting someone just because you are angry isn't really ethical.

'Why do you talk about Runa's death as if it didn't matter? She loved you more than anyone, you almost sound like you want to forget her already'

'Who knows, according to society that's what I should do. Forget her, continue with my life, find another woman with whom to have a family...and yet if I deal with things prematurely I am denatured in the eyes of others, right? How ironic'

I interrupted him in anger.

'You are a total jerk, I thought that was the same as my perception but it turns out that I was not wrong. Anyway, stay here and rot in your heartless thoughts. I don't understand how she could be with someone like you'

I started walking in the opposite direction of him, going back the way I had followed to get there. My boots thumping against the concrete floor and small stones along the path.

I thought the conversation would end there, but to my surprise Christopher brought up a topic that I kept secret from everyone, not because I thought it as taboo, but because I was afraid Runa would discover it. I knew that she would look at me like a monster once she realized that I liked the one who was supposed to be my best friend. She would feel betrayed and insecure...or so I thought.

'You liked Runa, right? That's why you hate me so much'

'Of course I liked her' I hugged my waist 'How else could we be friends? I didn't hate her, if that's what you want to get'

'You know I don't mean that kind of liking'

Suddenly Christopher's perfect hooked nose began to bleed, probably from the blow I had given him minutes before. Ouch, it sure had to hurt like hell, I didn't understand how the man could act so normal. Either he was used to getting punched or he secretly enjoyed pain.

It couldn't be that he had a higher tolerance for pain at all, huh.

'It's none of your business'

'I don't want to sound archaic but...it was awkward that you looked at Runa with such desire while she was with me, the poor thing was so innocent that she didn't even notice something like that, she always spoke of you as her best friend with such enormous affection. For Runa you were someone so dear and yet you took advantage of her trust to lust towards her '

My eyebrows rose in disbelief, I didn't understand how Runa could have liked a man like that.

She was a being of light, how could she even feel anything? On the other hand, she didn't give me a chance, we spent so many years together, we loved each other so much and we took care of each other so much... but her heart could never feel anything for me or my physique because for her I would only be a woman and she another woman. I was doomed that my love was one-sided because she could never feel anything for me because I wasn't a man. And believe me, I have never wanted to be one, despite the fact that it created so much impotence in me.

If I peeled off my skin and only bones were left, would she still care what I looked like?

'Repeat what you said'

I swear I'm not a violent person at all, but I don't know what bitten me. That damn dickhead managed to bring out the worst in me, gritting my teeth hard I took several steps forward, Christopher on the other hand remained still as a statue practically challenging me with his eyes.

Obviously hr knew what I was capable of, he had already tried my punches.

'Runa was a poor disbeliever who didn't even notice how you looked at her...'

I didn't let him finish. I raised my hand into a fist, only this time he managed to stop it in the air, well, he tried. The other punch from before was as if he either accepted the blow or didn't see it coming directly.

I tugged at my wrist to get out of his grasp, he had a grip on me so tightly that I would most likely get a mark later on.

'Let me go, you crazy bitch'

'You call me insensitive but you are the one who has not even shed a tear for the fact that she was your best friend and your supposed unrequited love, did you care so little? Wow, I didn't imagine Sade Rossfeld being a frivolous bitch with no feelings. Runa was an extremely sentimental person, I wonder how she would feel about you not crying even at her funeral'

For several seconds I was wondering the reason why he had stopped so suddenly. He only managed to confuse me when I saw his smiling face and his arms outstretched to his sides, offering me a hug.

My mouth dropped open, I was stunned, I didn't understand how Christopher Langhart's brain worked, I didn't want to either but it was almost as if all this provocation was meant to make me explode to get rid of the discomfort.

As if he wanted to help me.

Wasn't I the one who was supposed to come up to him to comfort him?

'Are you better?'

Only now I did notice the tears slipping down my warm cheeks, probably the ones that caused him to stop teasing me so suddenly.

I lowered my head in shame, it was his fault for being weird, not mine for reacting to his provocations. Although I couldn't help but feel bad for almost hitting him a second time or how I had thought of him.

It was strange, I didn't like him and most likely I didn't like him either and yet Christopher knew perfectly how to get me to release what I felt inside. It was as if he could see inside me, read my mind.

I nodded once, lowering my arms seeing that I wasn't going to accept his hug.

'I'm sorry I said all those hurtful things to you, I was mad at everything, I'm Christopher Langhart, although everyone calls me Chris'

He extended a hand.

I slowly raised mine. We both knew each other's names, it was useless but I understood what he was saying to me with that gesture: let's start over. Let's help each other.

When my hand encircled his I mouthed: 'Sade Rossfelld, a pleasure'

And then almost by magic the sky stopped crying, slowly the clouds began creating a crease of white light, which extended through the infinite cemetery.

If someone had told me that I would be talking in such a peculiar way with what I considered my greatest enemy, I wouldn't believed it.

I could almost feel Runa whispering in my ear: take care of him and he will take care of you, it's my last wish.

What if that was the reason she had left us? I'm not superstitious and of course I didn't wish my best friend dead, but what if everything had a reason for being?

..........

I hope you can become fond of Sade, the bisexual queen in this story.

At this moment my fav is Chris, but maybe because he looks more like me hihi.

Comment what you want, that's how we gossip :)

The cover is unfinished but I really wanted to publish it.

And english is not my first language sorry :v