Lucas

The loud music and sharp smell of stale alcohol hit me as soon as we step inside. Embree, my sister, and their friends disappear into the crowd, most of whom I don’t recognize, which instantly puts me on edge. Knowing Amanda, this party was probably an open invitation to anyone. It would explain why there are more bodies crammed into the space than there are students in our entire high school.

The Klines are infamous in Ruby Creek and the surrounding towns, not just because they’re loaded, but because they own so many of the local businesses. Their massive mansion—all white with stone pillars that make it look like a knockoff of the White House—sticks out like a sore thumb among the modest, middle-class homes in our small town. 

While their life of luxury might impress most people, to me, it feels tone-deaf and completely disconnected from what our town is really like. To be that rich, surrounded by people scraping by paycheck to paycheck, would make me miserable. If I were in their shoes, I’d feel like it was my job to help the families here do more than just survive. I’d put my money into making sure everyone had a chance to thrive. 

 But that’s not what the Klines do. To them, offering menial jobs at minimum wage to our neighbors is as far as their goodwill extends. Never mind that half the people working for them are holding down two or three jobs just to stay afloat.

I glance up at the fancy chandeliers dangling from the ceiling and the obscenely expensive-looking furniture and decor scattered everywhere. I shake my head. 

Why would anyone want this kind of life? Surrounded by stuff that doesn’t matter and people who only care about you for your money. Sounds like a pretty damn lonely way to live, if you ask me. 

“Guess who?” Her familiar fruity scent hits me an instant before her hands cover my eyes.

“Hi, Becks.” I smile, reaching for her hands to pull her around to face me. Leaning forward, I drop a kiss on her cheek. 

Becca Franks—my girlfriend of ten months—stands there in all her bright-eyed glory. Her wide smile, flushed cheeks, and that adoring look she always gives me remind me she’s everything I should want.

“You came…” Her voice is soft and a little breathless. The relief in it shoots a pang of guilt straight through my chest when I realize she thinks I’m here for her.

To hide my shame, I pull her in for a hug. She knows this isn’t my scene, which is why she wasn’t surprised when I said no to coming with her. That she believes I’m here because of her, when the truth is I only showed up to watch over the girls, feels so damn wrong.

I swear, I’m not a dishonest person, and the last thing I ever want is to hurt anyone. It’s why I’ve been trying so hard to build walls between the life that’s supposed to be mine and the one thing I can’t have. Becca is everything I should want, which is why I can’t figure out why it’s Embree I keep wishing was in my arms. 

It’s like this twisted part of me can’t stop wanting what’s off-limits. 

Embree is family—like a cousin, almost. Her connection to my sister, the bond between our parents… there’s just too much history. Too many ways this could go wrong.

Becca is what’s best for me. She’s the one I need to want. No matter how I feel or what I wish were different. This—right here, with Becca—is where I belong. 

I drop a kiss on the top of her head, then pull back to look down at her. Her expression is soft, full of longing, when she asks, “Will you dance with me?”

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, I smile and nod, then let her lead me toward the open area set up as a makeshift dance floor. The song “You and Me” by Lifehouse blares through the speakers as we weave between a bunch of couples already swaying to the ballad. 

No sooner do I wrap my arms around Beck’s waist than that familiar awareness prickles up the back of my neck. Before I can stop myself, my eyes lock onto the whiskey-brown ones staring back at me from across the room. 

That spark between us ignites—hot and electric—and in an instant, everything disappears. The room, the people, the girl in my arms. 

The only thing that exists for me in this moment is her. 

My Embree.

As the lyrics drift through my head, I realize I’m helplessly caught. Completely captured and ensnared by this girl who’s so far out of reach, she might as well belong to another universe. But I can’t stop. Right here, right now, I know with absolute certainty that whatever hold she has on me is inescapable.

Overwhelmed by that truth, I tear my gaze away and step away from Becca. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep pretending any of this is okay. As much as I care about Becks, the reality is I’ve been using her to keep from doing something stupid with the girl I can’t have.

My eyes flick between the whiskey eyes of the girl I’ve known my whole life and the girl whom I’ve spent the last ten months trying to love. All I’m doing is hurting them both. The pain on their faces is clear as day, but right now it’s Embree my heart wants to run to. She’s the one I want to comfort. 

It’s never been more obvious that I have no choice but to end this. 

With both of them.

“What’s going on?” Becca’s shaky voice tears at my chest as she follows my gaze to where Embree stands, looking heartbroken.

Without another word, I gently take her hand and pull her through the crowd and out into the foyer. I’m resigned to what I have to do, but I’m not going to do it in front of everyone. 

Spotting an empty gazebo in the distance, I lengthen my stride. With every step, the ache in my gut deepens, but the messed-up part is that it isn’t Becca I’m hurting for. My pain is for the girl I left behind in that house. The girl I had no choice but to turn my back on. 

It has to be this way. After everything I’ve done, I owe it to Becca to end things the right way. Just like I owe it to Embree to stay the hell away.

“Becca.” Like a coward, I pull her in close so I don’t have to look her in the eye when I say it. “I’m sorry. I…” 

There’s so much I need to explain, but the words won’t come. Hurting people isn’t who I am, and I hate myself for what I’m about to do.

“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” Her voice is barely more than a whisper.

Her familiar fruity scent fills my every breath, and I wish to God I could force myself to love her. With her head tucked under my chin, I feel the breeze catch in her hair, sweeping the soft strands over my skin. 

Tightening my hold on her one last time, I close my eyes and just… feel. I’m searching for that spark, that pull—whatever it is that happens when I'm around Embree. But it isn't here.

“I’m sorry.” I press my lips to the crown of her head as my fingers slide through her silky brown hair. “You’re amazing, Becks.” I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “I can’t give you my whole heart. Not the way you deserve. And that isn’t fair to you.” 

Though she doesn’t say anything, I can tell she’s crying. Pulling back, I lift her chin and force myself to meet her tear-filled eyes. “I swear, it’s not you. You’re perfect. In every way that matters. The problem is me. And I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s okay…” she whispers, her voice cracking as she wipes her cheeks. “I… I’m going to go.”

She turns to leave, but I reach for her arm..

“Wait—Becca, please let me walk you home.” I have to do this one last thing for her. I know how hard it was for her to trust me, and knowing I’ve let her down, hurt her like this… 

There aren’t words for how terrible that makes me feel. 

“No…” She shakes her head and gives me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. One already hidden behind walls she’s trying to throw up as fast as she can. She’s shutting down. Shutting me out. And I hate it. “Don’t.” She peels my fingers from her arm. “It’s still light out. I promise I’ll be okay.”

Rising onto her tiptoes, she kisses my cheek. Though it’s soft and meant as a goodbye, I can feel how deeply she cares for me in that one simple touch.

I’m a goddamn bastard.

Filled with self-loathing and rage, I rake my hands through my hair and watch her walk away. This is all my fault, and even though I know it had to be done, none of that changes the truth:

 I never should have pursued a relationship with her in the first place. I knew what was in my heart, and in trying to ignore it, I did the one thing I swore I’d never do. 

I broke Becca’s heart.

Turning back to face the house where I left Embree, I can’t do anything but stare, completely unsure of what to do next. I have to talk to her. I saw the look in her eyes tonight, and I know I need to take control of this situation before it all blows up. 

The problem is, my head and my heart aren’t even close to being on the same page. 

My mind wants to go in there and lay it all out—tell her exactly where we stand. That we’re friends. Nothing more. 

But my heart…

It’s pounding so damn loud in my ears, it’s all I can hear. It’s begging me to go in there and tell her the truth. That she is it for me. That she’s the only girl I’ve ever wanted. 

But I can’t do that.

So how the hell am I supposed to walk back in there and tell her nothing can ever happen between us… when I’m barely holding back the urge to claim her? 

In the past, I’ve used Jen as my buffer. But there’s no way I’m having this conversation in front of my sister.

I can’t face Embree right now. 

Not tonight.

So instead, I turn around and walk away. Resigned to the wreckage I’ve created—and the pain I deserve—I pull out my phone and text Ben to ask him to look out for the girls.

I’m going home.

I need time to think.