Sigh

I open my eyes to see the night sky from the hallway of the motel. It's so gloomy, I can't even see the stars because of the deep amber-black clouds. Amber… what an accursed color. The eyesore amber and the beautiful black.  I look around the hallways to make sure I am alone and proceed to drag myself and my things from Nana Aiko’s door to my door. My head down, looking at myself opening the door with my old, scratched-up key, I start to think.

 “At least I had a nice meal with her. I feel like a happy little girl one more time. It feels like someone—why is it raining?”

 I watch as two tiny little puddles start to form right outside my door. Am I crying? I raise a trembling hand to my face and I feel the two little rivers flowing from my eyes. Silently, I look and my tear-stained fingers in a trance. I think I’ve been standing there for what felt like days, but it was maybe only a few moments. Slowly, I started to move again and I unlocked the door and walked in. I am starting to sway as I walk, my head feels like someone cut it open, and it's now up so high in the air that it's losing oxygen. The walk to my bathroom suddenly felt a little too long for comfort. Finally making it to my bathroom, I took off my backpack and tossed it onto the doorframe. I get ready for bed as I usually do. Clean off my makeup, clean my knife, clean my body, clean my teeth, and clean my face. 

I walked over to my bed and lay down. As time ticked away, I started to realize that the ceiling was maybe the only constant in my broken world. Maybe one day if I looked hard enough I could learn the secrets to being ok. As time ticked away I felt myself drifting to sleep, perhaps I won't wake up. As time ticked away I felt my eyes close with my drowsiness kissing them shut, maybe this time I won’t have that same nightmare. 

End of Chapter 4