“It’s great, Mama. The food are delicious, was it you who cook?” I said and she smile before twirling my hair.
“Of course, it was me, your mom, and your Tías, who cooked everything. So enjoy your day, mi ija.” She said and go back to her Amigas.
“My unica ija, why you look so down? Did something upset you?” I look at my mom, she looks so tired, it must be super tiring working all day for tonight.
“Maybe, because the lightning? But no, I’m not sad or upset. How’s life back there? Do you want anything?” I let her sit then sit besides her, she drank the water I gave and smile.
“Are you maybe jealous with their gowns?” she ask and look at the other debutante. I don’t know, if I do or not.
“No, mom, of course I’m not. We already used a lot of money for this and for my school tuition, I won’t ask for that extent, we even bought dress for my prom night.” I said, I won’t ask too much, I’m so much grateful and thankful that we can held an event like this.
I can’t help but to look at everyone who’s having their debut at the venue. They look so glamorous, shining in their glittery gown. Some have long night gown while other have this so much of a ball gown, while I can see that some have a dress just like mine. They were talking and mingling with each other. I again look around to saw Taili, my friend since birth, she’s smiling at me and starts to walk towards my direction.
She's dazzling, sparkling even. Looking like one of the princesses of Disney, her royal blue long night gown looks like an ocean underneath the shine of the moon, which is the disco ball right here at our venue. She's taking her time walking slowly, it must been very heavy, she's even wearing a silver 3 inches heels.
“Wow! You look so gorgeous, a long gown I see, that must be very heavy,” I paused and takes a good look to her gown. “ You’re glowing in a good way, tonight. You might forget me and exchange me to those girls who’s shining with their own as well.” I joked, I could see her being shy.
“Why so dramatic? You look gorgeous as well, Bayi.” I look at my dress and chuckles, maybe. “By the way, I heard you’re going to an university?” I wasn’t so sure, how would I say this as the university is on the city.
“Yeah, my mom said she can afford somehow afford the rest of my tuition.” I said, I was still dismayed as I didn’t get the 100% off tuition fee when I exam as a scholar, still I’m so thankful with the opportunity, I was given and gotten.
“Wow, I cant beleive you didn't even tell me that you actually passed.” she aid and acted as if she’s upset yet I can see through her eyes that she’s happy, happy for me.
“What do my Bayi want when she grow up?” with a shining little eyes, I look at mom and to our town. We currently at the bottom of hill, I can see our small village.
“When Bayi grow up she wants to see the world. The big buildings, cars, many people just like those in the television. Bayi wants to work so mom can get a good rest, then Mama won’t wash the clothes of others.” I said and hug mom as she was tearing over something, I’m so confused if something hurt mom? Why is she crying?
“Bayi really is a good girl. Mommy didn’t know that my baby is a big girl, already. Thinking about helping mommy, thank you baby Bayi.”
Today is the day, everyone is being so emotional. I couldn’t help but to feel sad as well, this is my home yet I needed to move out and grow outside of this countryside, for what I wanted from when I was so little.
“Always remember to be careful out in the city, who knows what kind of people they are.” I saw how they really don’t want me to go, I want to stay with them, but this might be what we need, what I need to grow as a person, an individual that wanting to be independent.
~ ~ ~
“You can start today, if you need anything I’m just at the storage room.” Doing a part time job, won’t affect my studies. Glad that the school adjust to working students.
“You’re going to to do a pat time? Are you sure you can maintain your scholar? I thought you’re going to pursue the full scholar exam, it’s going to be tough for you to handle. Bayi, I’m not telling you this to scare you, but I am just concern to you. Though, if you really want to I know someone who’s looking for a part timer and as far as I remember he also adjust the part timer time to match with the workers studs if it’s still student.” I didn’t know how to react, I just want to inform my adviser that I would like to have a job while studying but this extent of kindness. I didn’t expect this, even referring to where can I have a job.
“Thank you, thank you so much, Ma’am. I can assure you that I won’t neglect my studies.”
Days to weeks to months to years, I juggle my time right after my shift I would go to school. Sometimes, I can feel the tiredness and slept at break time instead of eating, I would eat when it’s vacant time. Weekends was my time to rest and review as I would have the half of my day. Basically, it becomes a routine, even securing that my full scholarship wouldn’t be strip is a routine for me. From time to time, mom and mama are texting and calling to ask if everything's alright? Did something happen or how’s my stay at the town, which actually one of the factor why I’m still here fighting for what I’ve been looking forward. Within the time frame, they actually visited me once a year.
I smiled in relief and look at an ocean of students in front of me, wanting to finish what am I going to say so they can celebrate that “Finally, I graduated, I actually survived the hellish course I’ve chosen.”
“Dear Co-students, I, first want to congrats everyone for surviving and making it until the end. To dear principal, to the admins and staffs of our dear university, to the students, and to the parents and guardians. Thank you for your kindness and considerations to our studies. Thank you for supporting the course we are in, we finally finished the ones we’ve been crying and stressing. We acknowledge and appreciate every person within this hall. As a full scholar and a working student, things weren’t going to what I’ve plan. I am only here to study, to graduate, and be a successful worker to finally wear a fancy gown that I couldn’t wear because of poverty. You might think, it’s just a gown, why can’t you rent one. Instead of renting one, we used that supposedly money for renting a gown to fully paid the university’s first semester tuition, I wasn’t originally full scholar, so I really work, strive, and manifest hard to secure the second semester’s examination scholarship and I finally get the 100% discount. Imagine, with that silly dream or you might say, “selfish desire” of mine, I came alone to the town and stressed myself to how I would manage my time for work and studies with the pressure of being a Dean’s Lister and full scholarship to secure.” Not everyone will listen, I know, but they will, mom and mama.
“I almost explode because of the pressure. Everyone’s eyes where looking and gazing at my direction, they think highly of me, one wrong move and I’m dead, that’s what I’m thinking. I got pressured, stressed, anxious, and depressed, students might know me as the “lone wolf” and as a Social Work Major, we should be people’s person so professors doubted me, they called me “book smart” as the course I chose should be applied. Yet, I stand corrected, I know what I want, not just the fancy gowns but also to help the unfortunate ones, those who need help. I don’t want to be a cool super hero, I only desire for our society to be good, with the course I chose, I can somehow help, because if we wanted, we could go in so much extent for them, which I want for us, one day. With those I experienced, you might think I must be regretting my choices, but no, I regret nothing. It was a rough road and I enjoyed it from the bottom of my heart. Again, congratulations dear fellow students. We made it.” After I finished, I look at my mom who’s crying like a baby. With a teary eyes, I smiled at them and bow before going back to my designated seat.
“Bayi, what do you think lies beneath the surface?” I heard Taili sigh right after she ask me.
“I don’t know, there’s a lot of answer, but for me, what lies beneath the surface is desire. I think I have a pretty convincing surface that no one’s look what’s beneath it, so they cannot see how selfishly designed it for my desire. This might be sudden and burden to you,” I pause I can here her breathing become rapid to none as if she was waiting for this exact moment in her entire life. “my desire is to wear gowns and dresses, fancy clothes but its mostly fancy gowns. It’s silly, I think, yet until now I want those. So I’m working hard to fulfill my desires with my own money, I couldn’t afford to tell mom my whims.” I said and laugh, I heard her reactions so well that I felt actually bad for saying what I wanted.
“I want to spoil you so bad with a lot of fancy things, but I couldn’t. I’ll support you, your secret is safe with me, I know you don’t want my pity nor help so I’ll be your support system. I love you, Bayi.”
“Hahahaha what are you my auntie? Though, Taili, thank you for not judging.” Right after I said, I excused myself by saying I have work to do.
“You look good with that gown.” I look at Taili and smiles. “Must be very happy, are we?”
“Of course, it is my wedding.” I said and look at my reflection wearing the smile I didn’t know I can produce.
“Our wedding you say.” She said and gives me a teasing look.
“Yes, Taili, our wedding.”
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