He was sleeping in his bed when all of a sudden two arms reached and surrounded him from behind.

"Mh" was the only sound he produced, then when he felt a hand sneaking under his t-shirt and caressing his abs he smiled and opened one of his eyes slowly. "What are you doing Jack?" he mumbled his voice coming out rougher than he intended to. He had some pretty rough sex a few hours before then washed up and changed his bed sheets to finally sleep, so maybe...just maybe he was too tired to move more than that. Surely his voice wasn’t sounding sexy because there was a man touching him.

He felt a kiss on his neck, then his shoulder and at the same time a hand travelled down to his crotch caressing it slowly. He didn't want to say anything more but what was his flatmate doing? Could it have been a dream maybe? It seemed quite real as a dream though, and those hands were very warm and surprisingly soft. That kind of softness he would have avoided gladly, as it was making him feel a bit uncomfortable.

"Let's have sex" Jack whispered on his neck sending shivers down his spine. His flatmate voice sounded different from usual, but there was no doubt that this wasn’t a dream.

"Don't be silly" he replied chuckling, he replied chuckling, he couldn’t believe it was happening for real, it must have been a joke if wasn’t a dream. Jack wasn’t the type to try such things, plus he was too shy to even hit on cute guys that had actually smiled at him in the clubs, the few times he brought him out at night. So, what was that shy nerdy guy doing now? It wasn’t even that funny. But despite his incredulousness, right after he spoke he felt the other scooting even closer pressing his body on his back.

"Why not?" he asked further. He was sounding very serious, a thing that frankly almost made him cringe. He liked silly things and silly sex, he got uncomfortable every time someone was too serious in bed.

"Jack really what are you doing is not funny...I'm sleepy, go back to your room, I have no time for games now," he only mumbled while he hugged and adjusted his pillow, closing his eyes and yawning. He hoped to be able to cool down the situation by acting like nothing was happening like it was all a joke for real.

Right there and then the other pulled down his pants and underwear making his eyes snap open again. What the actual fuck? He then turned around to peek at the other to understand what was going on and as soon as he did a kiss reached his lips. Never had once even imagined kissing those lips before, the other wasn’t ugly or something, but he never gave him such vibes.

"Wait..." he said when the other moved to kiss the corner of his mouth and then again his lips.

"Let's sleep together Alan...just this time," the guy whispered on his open mouth between kisses that were getting steamer each time. Somehow it seemed like his friend was getting courage with each centimeter of him he was touching, something that bothered him so much.

He didn't really know what to do but his friend was touching him, now more and more, and further between his legs, caressing his length that most likely was going to get hard pretty soon. It was...no it was ridiculous and wrong.

"Jack...Jack come on" he chuckled, he had to minimize what was happening, so both of them were going to forget about it the day after "We are friends. I'm not gonna have sex with you" he said and lightly pushed the other's hands away.

"Why not?" he heard the young man ask him. His hands still roaming anywhere possible, his soft hair caressing his neck and shoulder, the sweet scent of his shampoo starting to get into him. Making him a bit uncomfortable frankly speaking. He moaned softly in discomfort and moved as to push the other away a bit using his elbows but it was all useless. The whole situation was giving him a weird pain in his belly, it wasn’t excitement, no, it was discomfort and a tiny bit of fear. It felt almost like the start of a panic attack, but he could never show such a thing to the other, he had to keep his calm.

"You fuck with anyone...literally you bring here almost a guy per night...why can't it be me?" he heard the other ask.

    He turned around belly up this time, finally looking at the guy in the eyes...well or where he imagined them to be as the room was still pretty dark. "Jack, listen...you aren't even my type anyway," he said shrugging. Alan spoke calmly, it wasn’t a big deal after all, he had let many guys touch him before, he surely wasn’t shy about any part of his body, and he and Jack knew each other for a while already, so he didn’t felt nervous around him, not even with his lower body exposed like that. But yes, the guy wasn’t his type of fuck buddy, despite his love for sex and what was all around it, his black haired friend wasn’t his cup of tea.

 He simply wasn't! Jack was too thin, and he had a bad taste in clothing, he was a regular guy a calm one, kinda nerdy and too smart for his liking. Yet he was also able to be also too naïve, always gentle and kind with people even when they didn’t deserve it, something that lead him to uncomfortable situations in the past, always making Alan feel bad for him. Plus he wore glasses and he never liked geeks in glasses...unless they were those fake hipster glasses on a fine bearded man. Mmh.

"That's bullshit...you've slept with guys similar to me...I saw them...I've heard them...come on" Jack said bringing him back to reality. His voice this time being a bit high-pitched, probably because of the desperate tone in it. Then once again his smooth hand was on Alan's groin and slowly down on his still...thank god, flaccid member. See, he wouldn't get up even if you caress him, so it's pointless, but yeah you need to stop doing that…damn why are your hands this soft? He reached down and moved the other's hand away, this time in a clean swift move, making sure the other understood perfectly that he wasn’t joking anymore. 

That hand, and the resulting feeling, had to go.

"Please," he said with a raised eyebrow, he had acted quite calm all the time because that seemed like a joke to him and somehow he was expecting his friend to laugh at his face any time now. But Jack kissed him once more, his kiss becoming deeper and deeper, taking away his breath. It was getting so dangerously erotic, yet disgusting at the same time, and he had to push him away and turn around again giving him his back. "Really, cut it. You are my friend and I don't do friends". His tone this time was stern and serious, he didn’t want to play anymore, Jack had to stop immediately before ruining their friendship forever.

    There was a long moment of silence when finally Jack moved to place his hands down on his hips, squeezing his sleeping t-shirt in his fists. Then he felt a pressure on his back right at the centre of his shoulder blades, and when the other spoke his voice made his chest tremble "What if... what if being friends is not enough for me...not anymore?" he almost whispered it, but damn...Alan heard it clearly, and for some reason those words made his inside ache. He felt it again. A very weird feeling all over his body, a feeling of awkwardness, like a light electric shock, a weird sense of anxiety that gripped his heart and stomach.

    His mouth got dry all of a sudden, what to reply to such words? Silence was the only option, but he felt the other sigh and it was like someone had punched him right in his face.

"Jack..." he started.

"I'm moving out," the other said all of a sudden "I found an apartment and I'll go see it tomorrow... I'll be moving out at the end of the week." He then added and something broke inside of him. Why? Why was his friend saying something like that? Why didn't he tell him beforehand? Moving out? They had lived together for a couple of years already and he never said anything about not being comfortable with him. Also what a shitty way of telling him about such a change.

"Moving out?" he simply asked and the other nodded before getting away and, in a ruffle, out of his bed too. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked staring into the darkness, without even turning around he was somehow scared to do so.

"Is not like we needed to discuss this, it seems to only be affecting me. I felt like I had to and now that I found a place I'm telling you. Well...have a good night Alan," he said and, without even giving him a chance to say anything, he got off the bed. He walked right in front of his wide-opened eyes and he exited the room, not sparing him even a single look. 

Alan wanted to tell him that, first of all, for sure it wasn’t true that it affected only him. He was leaving a vacant room in the house, and the rent was too much for one person only. And second, they were mates, of course, they had to talk about that matter.

His bedroom door closed and he laid there, staring at the darkness, in one of the most deafening silences.

He is moving out...for real?

~

The following days were very stressful for Alan, he kept watching the other go in and out of their apartment, packing things up, or throwing them away. They didn't speak too much in the few hours they happened to spend together. They used to have nice conversations in the past, especially in the kitchen when they both ate at the same time, but he found Jack was less and less present during their meals, first only exchanging with him a few words, then being absorbed by his phone and what seemed to be his social profiles, and finally the last couple of days he was missing completely from the dining table. Sometimes he ate first, some others he ate after, but it seemed to him that his friend was really avoiding his presence. Even though Jack made it look like he was totally busy with his things, and his work, Alan wasn’t stupid, because never before his friend had left the house over half an hour early for his job if it wasn’t necessary, and surely enough if he didn’t have a longer shift he preferred to be back home in time to eat with him. Jack used to like dining with him, they used to share food and expenses. But most importantly they used to share time…smiles.

Lately, it had been nerve-wracking, they didn't argue, they didn't talk about heavy matters, they didn't talk at all, and sadly enough, Alan was too much of a presumptuous jerk to admit he somehow needed to know what was happening.  A normal person probably would have asked what was going on, but he somehow thought he didn’t have to, or maybe he was just procrastinating. A part of him believed that things were going to get fixed and Jack was going to tell him he was wrong and was going to stay.

Meanwhile, he kept sleeping with random guys, he met them and brought them home in the weekend and every time Jack was there too, sitting on the couch maybe, reading a book or watching tv, or on his phone. His friend used to spend time in the shared spaces because his bedroom was a bit small and because he simply enjoyed being in his presence, and never before Alan was not happy about it. To be honest he expected Jack to be there when he came back, or in the kitchen cooking something, he liked to find him at home. But those days, when he came back home with maybe a handsome guy for the night, he had only nodded to greet him and nothing more. Not even a look, not even a disapproving shake of the head accompanied by a smirk like he had often done in the past.

He had no idea what was going to happen, but damn they had been friends, it was going to get back to normal right? Maybe Jack was a bit embarrassed? Or not, why would he? He hadn't done anything too weird really, thinking of it, he simply did what every other guy he met did, he stuck his hands in his pants. Many guys and then men had done that exact same thing, and sometimes he refused, but more often he agreed to it, because he liked to have fun, he liked to have sex and casual sex. No, to be completely fair he preferred casual sex, it was less of a burden and it was easier on him because he didn’t have to justify himself, he didn’t have to accommodate anyone else but himself, he didn’t have to fear or to suffer. It was easier and more comfortable that way. 

But then again it was very different when Jack did it, because they weren't in that kind of relationship, which translated into no relationship at all with the rest of the guys he fucked. No ties meant no stress. Yes, sure he have had few guys he met a couple of times, even after months, hooking up casually one night he hadn’t found anything better, but nothing more than that. Alan wasn’t the relationship kind of guy.

Jack, instead, was his flat mate, his friend, they had fun together, just not that kind of fun.

~