Shocker, Max and Reginald started dating. Hard to think they wouldn’t after the look in their eyes after they met. Getting to know her, she wasn’t terrible. I could hold my tongue for the most part, but it was getting harder to hide how jealous I was. Luckily for me, Max seemed to like me the most. The bitch probably pitied me for being stuck at home with my family describing me as the “sick” sibling. Maybe if this was a few years ago, we would’ve gotten along better. She was pretty sweet and treated me just as good as my other siblings. We could’ve been friends. If I could only get past how easy she got with my brother.
“Beatrice?” Mum poked her head into the living room with a stern look. “Did you get lunch?”
“Mhm.”
“There’s no dish on the counter.”
“I washed it.”
“You never wash your dishes.”
“I’m turning a new leaf.”
“Get your ass in the kitchen. I’m making you lunch and will be making sure you eat it.”
“Yay.” I groaned. “Can’t wait.”
Lunch turned into a whole kerfuffle. Mum was trying so hard to be patient with me, but I wasn’t even trying and it was pissing her off. At the end of her rope, she snapped at me about throwing my life away and blah blah. Fluffy took her side, which only pissed me off more. Unable to take any more, I blew up at her and ran off to throw up the little I did eat. Not every meal went this way, but it did happen a few times a week. Dinner went well most of the time because that was something I typically allowed myself anyway. I’d have my good streaks, but the minute I felt my body change, the fear of getting hurt again would settle in and I’d become a little terror to the family. This was one of those times. Eating more than normal was putting weight on my body and I couldn’t handle it.
Irritated with each other, Mum and I kept our distance for a bit. She would be back later to try and talk to me again though. For now, I stayed on the couch and she stayed in another room. Peace and quiet- or not. Guess who would walk through the door? Max. Of fucking course.
“Hey.” She smiled at me while seemingly looking for someone. “Is your mother around? She wanted a painting and said she would have the canvas for me.”
“Now is a bad time.” I grumbled. “Come back later.”
“Oh… You two had a fight again, huh?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Especially not to you.”
“Ah, come on.” Apparently come back later meant come sit down next to me. She plopped her ass on the other end of the couch, which made me growl a bit. Fluffy didn’t mind though and cuddled up on her lap. The two got along great. “Lay it on me. Maybe there’s something I can do.”
“There’s nothing you can do.”
“Alright. Maybe we could go out for lunch? At least help your mood. Besides, I’m starving.”
“You don’t know the meaning of starving.” I snarled. “I live it every fucking day. So don’t even try to relate to me.”
“Oh, sorry.” She frowned apologetically. “Well… Can I ask something?”
I glared. She took that as a yes.
“Reginald says you’re sick with something, but he said to ask you about it because he didn’t want to overstep that line. I just see how thinned out and sick you look… I want to help however I can. Reginald talks a lot about you and I’d hate for him to lose his sister.”
“...Reginald talks about me…? Good things…?”
“Mhm! Says you’re a bit moody at times, and have a harder time navigating things, but that you’re super loyal to those who do give you a chance. He misses the old you a lot. Obviously I didn’t know you then, but he said you were a lot of fun when you were in a good mood. And an especially good sister to Elizabeth.”
My face softened. Huh. Who would’ve thought? I always thought my siblings disliked me the most. Looking at Max, she seemed genuine. It made me want to be a little less hostile towards her. Just a bit.
“...The doctor said it’s Bulimia.” I mumbled. “Something that messes with how you see food and your patterns around it.”
“So I’m guessing you try to avoid eating?” Max asked with a concerned look on her face.
“Yeah. It’s why Mum and I argue so much right now. She’s trying to get me to eat and I, well… I’m not really complying. I just don’t, or I puke it up after…”
“That would be understandably frustrating for her.” Max pointed out. “I’d be terrified if that was my kid. Especially in this condition. So I can see where she’s coming from. Fear often shows itself in anger.”
Here we go. Another lecture about how wrong I was and how I should just do what I’m told.
“But I see where you’re coming from too.” She continued. “I don’t know what it’s like to have Bulimia, but if it makes you see food as bad, then it would be just as terrifying to have to be faced with it constantly. Especially if the reason you’re doing this is because you’re scared of something else that goes deeper than just food. So both parties are terrified for different reasons, and it results in the fighting. I guess it kind of sucks no matter which side you’re on.”
A bit surprised she was able to describe my side of things pretty accurately, I paused. Sometimes I really did wonder why I hated this woman so much. Moments like this made me wish I didn’t.
“Yeah… I suppose so.” I mumbled.
“Is there anything I could do that would make it easier?”
“Um…”
“Oh! Max!” Mum walked in, looking a little startled. Quickly, she wiped her red and puffy eyes to try and hide the fact she had been crying. After this talk with Max, my heart broke a bit to see her look so upset but force herself to pull it together like that. How many times did she have to try and keep strong for me, but was really fighting tears deep down? “I didn’t know you were coming today.”
“I wanted to stop by for-”
“Lunch.” I blurted out. In the awkward silence that followed that, I really questioned what in the Hell I was doing. “...Uh, she wanted to stop by so we could go for lunch. Right, Max?”
It took her a second to get over the initial surprise. With a smile, she looked at Mum and nodded. “Yeah. Beatrice wanted to go for lunch.”
“Oh. Uh, well, don’t let me stop you two then.” Mum said with a look of surprise that wouldn’t seem to go away.
“We were just about to head out.” I lied as I tried to pull myself off the couch. After my previous episode, my legs were feeling a bit weak, but once I got up, I’d be okay.
“Maybe don’t go somewheres too far out.” Mum suggested. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“There’s a place just down the street.” Max smiled as she helped me up. “It’s a 5 minute walk at most.”
Mum nodded, still looking a bit unsure and surprised. Once I was up, I was good to go. We headed for the door, but I stopped on the trip. I had to do something first. Without any warning, I went up to Mum and gave her a hug. With the amount of surprises she was experiencing, I was beginning to worry I’d risk giving her a heart attack.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” I said quietly. “I know you care… I get scared and I lash out… I’m sorry.”
At a complete loss for words, she stuttered a bit before giving up and just wrapping her arms around me while saying a simple “I love you.” Hearing that made me smile a bit. Behind Mum, I could see Max smiling at us. I suppose I had her to thank for this. Her little lecture was what I needed to hear.
For the first time, Max and I went out for lunch and it wasn’t that bad. We were able to chat like friends and put our differences aside. It was actually kind of nice to feel like I had a friend. I had a good thing going for me… That was, until I ruined it.
Due to my constant unwillingness to cooperate, I was stuck with my parents for quite a few months. Almost a year, in fact. Every time I got close to being trusted enough, I would push my limits and be forced to stay for more time. The doctor kept reassuring my parents that I was making small goals here and there and that an illness like this would take time to get better from. At the same time, he would break their heart when he said that I most likely would never get back to where I used to be weight wise with how I was acting. They really wanted their healthy daughter back, and their version of healthy Beatrice was the fat Beatrice.
Over and over, I cycled through gaining and losing the same 10 pounds for the first while. My parents would do anything in their power to get me to gain it, only for me to retaliate and lose it all. Around the 6 month mark, I started being a little more cooperative. I wanted to go home, and that wouldn’t be happening if I kept fighting it. Around that time, Max visited a lot more than usual. She kept saying it was to get something, but obviously she wanted to help. When she saw I was more willing to cooperate, she did everything she could. Too tired to hate her as much as I usually did, I let it happen. I never thought I’d say it, but I did really enjoy having her around as a friend. Once she got past the awkward phase of learning my boundaries, she started matching my bitchiness. Turns out, she had quite the bitchy side to her too. We could throw insults at each other and still be friends. After all this time, I made my first human friend.
My parents let me go back home when I gained back a ridiculous 40lbs, which put me at a lower healthy weight for my height. After showing them I could maintain that for a few months without their help, they decided I was good to go back home. At first I did try to maintain it. Feeling better and having more energy was nice, and with Max cheering me on, I felt like I could do it. Sadly, it didn’t last. Within a year, I started slipping. Small things built up more and more until I was right back where I started. Severely underweight and in a constant foul mood. Fluffy tried to stop me from falling apart, but there was only so much he could do. I was chest deep in Bulimia, and my parents weren’t getting me out this time. I’d have to end up in the hospital first. My jealousy for Max burned hotter than ever before and I pushed her away with pure hatred. I pushed everyone away. Like Max said, fear would often show itself in anger. Well, I must’ve had a pretty strong fear because my anger was reaching levels it never did before.
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