I woke up in a place overly hot and smelly, and still felt sick to my stomach. I laid there for a second, enjoying being able to breathe again when I remembered something. I yanked up my sleeves.
“Oh thank God, I don’t look ugly,” I sighed in relief.
My arms and legs looked like normal and not freaky and purple. I looked around at my surroundings, confused. I was in something that looked like a prison cell made of scarlet rocks and stone. The room itself was small, windowless, and only had a sturdy solid iron door that also lacked any windows. Nowhere to go.
“What… This has to be a dream…” I muttered.
I approached one of the walls; they looked loose enough to maybe dislodge one and crumble the wall. As soon as I touched one of the rocks though, my hand was burned, and I jerked it away. I was desperate though, and gave a boulder a pathetic shove. I wasn’t used to having to use strength in any way, and I only gave a few half-hearted pushes before falling to the ground. I felt completely trapped and helpless, and alone… Fluffy was nowhere to be seen, and nobody was there to comfort me after my own death… So I did the only thing there was left to do. I curled up, hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed into my arms.
“Are you alright, dear?”
I snapped out of it and jerked my head up, looking for who said that. I had definitely heard my brother, and I hoped to see him again and tell him how sorry I was. But when I looked up, I saw him with a smiling Max in his arms. He was holding her close, face-to-face, which made my blood boil with anger. I said nothing though. Something felt off and weird. Something felt… familiar.
“I’m fine,” giggled Max. “I just had a little slip.”
“Well, be careful,” Reginald said. “These cobblestones aren’t too great for running on.”
“So I’ve learned,” she smiled.
“It’s not safe for a lady such as yourself to be out alone like this. Would I be allowed to your company at dinner?”
“Perhaps I’ll have to join you then, but I need to be on my way now though.”
“May I be allowed your name, at least?”
“It’s Maxine. And you, sir?”
“It’s Reginald. Reginald Hawthorne.”
“Oooh, a gentleman,” She looked in the distance. “I’m sorry, but I must be on my way to get something.”
“Well then Maxine, take care and be safe. It’s a dangerous world out there.” Reginald said, letting Max go, who ran off and disappeared without a trace.
Then it finally hit me why it felt so familiar. I was watching a memory. I was there. It was when Reginald and I were together, and Max slipped and fell right into his arms. Their first meeting. I could see from the moment they locked eyes that they had feelings for each other, and my rage bubbled up again. I had told him off that day for being so nice to her, but none of it phased Reginald. I don’t think he even listened to me.
In a jarring surprise, Reginald abruptly turned his head and looked dead at me.
“You look upset,” he said with a sympathetic look.
“I- Wha…” I didn’t know if this was a part of the memory or if he was actually talking to me. I didn’t remember this part.
“Well, Beatrice?” he asked, now shooting me a deadly glare. “What is it? Is it that I can connect with people while you only had that reptile?”
“I connect just f-fine!” I spat.
“Oh? Do tell who these friends are you made in your final hours. Because since I’ve known you, the only thing you can get along with is that snake.”
“Snakes count.” I growled.
“Snakes don’t count,” he scoffed. “You’re telling me that after 28 years, the only thing you could befriend was a creature as cold blooded as you? Pathetic.”
“I-”
“No wonder Mum and Dad wanted you dead.” My blood froze.
“What…?”
“Don’t act like you’re surprised,” hissed Reginald. My anger and ego was fading, and I was becoming gradually more intimidated by his figure as his words escalated. “After how you acted at Max’s funeral? After you killed Aven?! Who wouldn’t want you in the ground?! I wanted you in a grave! Everyone did!”
“No! You’re-”
“You’ve done enough bitching through your life sister,” he howled at me. “Maybe you should sit down and listen to what other people have to say for once!”
Suddenly the room faded into the scene of Max’s funeral. I could see myself shouting out slander about Max. But what I was focused on were my siblings in the back talking.
“Look at that sad show,” Angel scoffed. “She’s always been a disgrace to the family, but this is just a new level.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” William nodded. “She only gets more embarrassing with age. Mum should’ve given her up to adoption years ago. She wasn’t worth the trouble of raising.”
“I’m embarrassed to be associated with her,” Angel added. “She thinks everyone sees her as high class and refined, but has such a thick skull she can’t hear everyone talking shit behind her back.”
“She’s so stupid that she can only understand the snake around her shoulders.”
“That’s what happens when you can’t act like a human. You make friends with beasts.”
“Beasts make friends with beasts,” William retorted. “That's why no man wants her. Nobody can learn to love a pig like that.”
In the distance, I could hear my outburst against Adam, and Mum and Dad getting involved. My older brother, Alexander, approached the two and rolled his eyes at the scene.
“I can’t wait for the day someone puts her in the ground,” he said. “I won’t even show up. I just want the relief of knowing the world doesn’t have to deal with her.”
“I heard Mum and Dad aren’t even going to give her a casket,” William said. “And if she lasts longer than them, I sure as hell doubt Reginald is going to give her one.”
“She can sleep with the worms,” said Angel. “She’ll be lucky to get a marked grave at this rate. Those are for people who others want to remember.”
“And nobody wants to remember that,” Alexander spat, pointing at me shouting.
In the distance, I saw Fluffy getting stomped on and beaten to his death. I tried to run to him, even knowing it wasn’t real, and the memory faded. But a new, equally terrible one, took its place. Another memory constructed me inside of Reginald’s house. I saw the scene of my brother on one knee, and Max in tears; the day he proposed to her. My face contorted in anger. How was she able to get a man but not me?! What did she have that I didn’t?!
Before I could say anything, the scene morphed again, disorienting me. The world around me morphed into the living room of my parents house, where Max was sitting with me on the couch. It was that sweet moment where she somehow convinced me to go for lunch. Her gaze turned from the memory version of me, to the current me. Pain reflected in her eyes, making my stomach twist.
“How could you do this to me?” asked Max with a cracking voice. Tears formed in her eyes, and every one that fell felt like acid burning on my skin. “I gave you a chance. We were friends. And you killed me. Did I mean anything to you?”
“I-”
“We were so close, and you shoved me away.” Her expression grew sadder and sadder, making me feel even more sick to my stomach knowing I did this. Slowly, she looked away. “Say what you want, but Beatrice died long ago. It just took a few extra years for the shell pretending to be her to follow.”
Desperate to talk this out, I reached out, but she vanished before I could lift my arm. Once more, the world around me shifted. It settled as another sight I couldn’t forget. The inside of the church my brother was married in. I was in the middle aisle, and had a full view of Max and Reginald lovingly holding hands. I tried to get to them, but my feet were planted to the ground and I couldn’t move. All I could do was watch it all unfold for a second time in my life. And it was worse than I remembered. The memory was changed.
“If anyone present knows of any reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony,” the priest asked before the two could kiss. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
“OBJECTION!” I heard myself screech.
I looked over with everyone else’s heads towards me in my shining bright white dress. I cringed at my boisterous attempt to steal the spotlight from Max. I had done everything to stop that damn wedding, including ruining Max’s wedding dress twice and trying to damage the centerpieces, but it couldn’t stop them. I remembered the shame I felt that day, thinking how I had ruined not only Max’s special day, but my own brother’s too.
Then very suddenly, everyone in the church, including Max and Reginald, stared freakily at me, the not-memory me in the center of the aisle. Their eyes lacked sympathy, and their gazes were cold. They looked like they could all kill me at a moment’s notice and not lose sleep over it. Finally, Reginald spoke up.
“Why are you like this?” he asked with contempt. “Are you scared of being alone, so you try to ruin everyone else’s chances?”
“No, it’s not-”
“Can you never find your own joy, so you have to do everything in your power to ruin everyone else’s happiest day?”
“Brother, I-”
“Maybe you know you can never be loved,” said Max with a crooked smile. “So you’re set on making everyone hate you.”
“I- No, Fluffy loves me!”
“A snake?!” Max cackled. Everyone in the church pointed and laughed at me, and I felt the shame and insecurity rise in me. “At least I found a husband! That’s something you’ll never have! At most you’re a piece of arm candy, and that’s assuming anyone’s going to find that attractive.”
“W-watch me! I could find one if I wanted to!”
“You’re dead, remember?” Reginald asked condescendingly. “Because you’d rather die than try to not be a bitch to everyone you see. You can thin that cow body all you want, but your grossly inflated ego is still on full display for everyone to see.”
“I can change!” I shouted. “I can-”
“Too late, harridan,” Max said wickedly. “You’re still dead. You’re probably already in the ground and just another meal for worms to wiggle their way in and out of.”
“I would say it’s a pity,” Reginald said coldly. “But for you? No, it’s justice.”
They leaned in and shared a passionate kiss at the altar, and everyone erupted into an uproar. They started shouting insults and throwing things at me. Food, objects, big things, little things, anything they could get their hands on. I sobbed as I still couldn’t move, so I tried to cover myself while I had to endure the trauma and insults.
“Cow bitch!”
“Pale fatty!”
“Snake whore!”
“Disgrace!”
“Skeleton!”
“Unlovable!”
“STOP IT!” I shouted, covering my face with painful tears in my eyes. “STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!”
Everything froze, and I slowly uncovered my face and looked up. I still had a full view of Reginald and Max in a deep kiss together, and I began to sob again. I wanted that! I wanted love! I wanted to be loved! I wanted someone to hold me close at night and tell me it was all going to be alright! But Max was right. I was dead, and any chance of me having a happy relationship, much less a happy life, died with me.
For what felt like forever, memories played back-to-back just like those. They all made me feel worse and worse about what I’d done, and the trauma only got more extreme with each one revealed to me. In some I was just insulted to no end. In others I was beaten and bruised. But most of them had a focus on relationships, and what people said about me when I wasn’t looking. What people really felt about me. I regretted it all. I was a bitch in life, and drove everyone away, and killed myself over trying to make amends and be a better person. Maybe if I had acted like a human being… I would’ve found someone.
Comments (0)
See all