1950’s

“I’m home!”

“Welcome home, babe!” Lisha called out from the kitchen. The slight echo in her voice told me she had her face in the fridge. Again. She was constantly stuffing her face with cheese, which I learned was fucking poison to her. “How was work?”

“Same as usual.” I groaned, heading to the kitchen. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw my girlfriend with her front end in the fridge. She heard me and turned around with a mouthful of cheese. Not one ounce of shame was on her face. “...How much cheese have you eaten today?”

“Uh… Half a cheese wheel and some parmesan. So, not much. I had my veggies don’t worry. What do you think I put that parmesan on?”

“I suppose I couldn’t expect anything less. I just don’t want to take another hospital trip.”

“Bah, I’ll be fine.” Lisha smiled, shutting the fridge behind her and taking a big bite of cheese. She took a second to enjoy it before offering it to me. “Want some?”

“No.” I raised a brow. “Cheese makes me bloat, and I have a whole lineup of modeling shoots tomorrow.”

“Oh, come onnnnn.” Lisha pouted. I stared at her and after a few seconds, she gave up and took another bite of her precious cheese. “I love that you have something you enjoy, but why did you choose to model of all things? It makes it even harder to get you to eat, and sometimes I wonder if you even enjoy it.”

“I eat fine-”

“HA!” Lisha let out an over-dramatic laugh. “Bitch, you eat like, once a day! All because ‘oh, I don’t want to be bloated!!’ when it’s not even noticeable!”

“It is too!”

“Prove me wrong!” Lisha smirked, holding out the cheese again. “Go on.”

I shot her a glare. Oh, I was going to prove her wrong alright. I reached out for it when a sudden line popped up in my head.

I like a woman with some meat on her.

I froze. 

“...Babe?” Lisha frowned. 

She noticed my shift in mood. Something she was oddly used to when I had my mood swings, but this reaction was a new one to her. It had been decades since that line popped up in my head again and it took me by surprise, causing me to look a lot more vulnerable than I preferred. I really thought that Lisha had shoved those memories way in the back of my head. Not intentionally, as she didn’t know, but by just being there and being patient and understanding. The last time the thought resurfaced was when I had my last punishment where I spent the first half of it reliving the experience.

“Whatever. You win.” I said in a tone that I meant to come out as stern, but it came out shaky and quiet. Before she could question it, I walked away. There was no way Lisha was going to find out about that. No fucking way. She would think I was a joke and a big baby for letting something so stupid bring me down like this.

*   *   *   *   *

As the times changed, so did what the modeling agencies saw as ideal for their models. This decade, they wanted hourglass-shaped women. Perfect. I fit right into that, especially with how thin I was. I may have lacked the boobage and booty, but I didn’t need that to have the shape they wanted. But there was a twist. Skinny was no longer in. No, it was the decade of ads telling women to take weight gain supplements so they could fill out those curves. In other words: be fat. Now don’t get me wrong, I did think a lot of the ladies looked good. Would I ever say that? Of course not! This was a competitive industry and I wasn’t about to admit that I wasn’t the best-looking woman in the room!

Naturally, that meant my manager came to me to suggest to me that I should try and fit the trend. They can’t advertise weight gain supplements with a woman who’s “all bones”, now can they?

“So, what did you say?” Lisha asked hopefully after I told her what my manager wanted me to do. She always hoped I would let go of my desire to be just in the underweight category. Since she was part of a species that naturally sat at a higher weight (which was healthy for them), she saw me as a skeleton. This was something she pestered me about for many years, but she never got her way.

“I said no,” I stated. “Of course.”

Lisha sighed. “Not even going to give it a try? Seriously, babe. It might do you some good.”

“No, it won’t.”

“Yeah, it will! You’ll have the energy to do things again! I remember you telling me about all those times you spent with Elizabeth! But now you can barely walk for 20 minutes without getting so tired and out of breath! Wouldn’t it be nice to fix that?”

“Yeah, and then look bad? No.”

“You won’t look bad! At least not to me! You know I like a woman with some meat on her!”

That line.

I like a woman with some meat on her.

Almost as if she knew what not to do, she put her hand on my thigh. Fluffy immediately recognized my discomfort and pushed her hand off my thigh, but I was already too overwhelmed.

I couldn’t. Without a word, I got up and walked away. 

“Beatrice??” Lisha called out, getting up to follow me. “Babe! What’s wrong??”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said as firmly as I possibly could. So many bad memories were replaying in my head and my voice was shaking. Like the other night, I thought she would leave me alone and let me walk off, but this time she grabbed me by the arms and gently turned me around.

“Look,” Lisha said with a gentle look. “Your last reaction worried me, and I may have taken a trip to Heaven to visit your parents and ask.”

“W-what??” My heart sank. Oh no.

“They didn’t say anything specific, don’t worry,” Lisha reassured me after noticing my expression. “We all agreed that’s something you should talk about when you’re ready. But they did tell me that they think there’s trauma related to your eating habits. Is… Is that true?”

Not knowing what to say, I just stared at her in shock. The lengths she went to sometimes surprised me, but it somehow always surprised me that she even cared that much.

“Beatrice?”

“...Yeah.” I mumbled. “I…A guy…well… said something to me… while forcing himself…you know…”

It took a second before Lisha clued in. Her face fell and she begged to know who it was so she could get him to suffer for hurting me. I refused to give any more information than I already had. That was all she needed to know. When she pushed too far, I snapped at her, which got her to back off.

“Okay, okay… I’m sorry if I triggered anything.” Lisha said apologetically. “I know I’m pushy with food. Had I realized there was a trauma involved, I wouldn’t have been so pushy.”

“It’s alright… I know your intentions are good.” I mumbled out.

“Having said that.” Lisha took a deep breath, worried I might snap again. “You can’t keep running from it. At some point, you have to man up and face it. And maybe this is your opportunity.”

I stayed silent.

“It’s up to you.” She continued. “But if you do decide to try and work through it, I’ll be here, ok? Whether you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to push you to eat more. I’m always going to be here for you. I don’t want to push this onto you or anything, but I just want you to give it some more thought instead of immediately refusing. Sleep on it, okay?”

“Yeah…” I thought for a minute. “Hey Lisha?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think… I can see my family again? I haven’t seen them since I died… And you said you saw them, so…”

“Oh… well, yeah, you could. If we get the work sorted.” Lisha held my hand sympathetically. “Do you think…?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think… it’s time I apologize to them too.”

“Oh babe,” Lisha hugged me tight. “I’ll do the work myself. I’ll make sure you get to see them soon.”

“Okay…” I mumbled, letting myself fall onto her for a hug. Gladly, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “I love you… I don’t know what I did to deserve you…”

“I love you too, babe.”

*   *   *   *   *

A few days later, Lisha and I were standing at the gates of Heaven. Her sister, Iris, was there with us to explain some things.

“Listen, I got the addresses of the people you wanted to see,” Iris said, handing me a note card. “There’s some rules, so listen up. That means you, Lisha.”

“You always think I’m not listening,” she complained.

“Because you usually aren’t.”

“Well… fair.”

“Mhm. Don’t talk to anyone you don’t know, don’t go anywhere you’re not supposed to, and don’t cause chaos.”

“You… do know she’s coming with me, right?” I asked, nodding to Lisha.

“…Lisha, stay with me.”

“But I want-”

“And I don’t want Heaven in ashes by the end of the day.”

“Hmph,” she pouted, turning to me. “Are you going to be good?”

“Yeah,” I said shakily. “I should be ok to do it myself.”

“Ok.” Lisha grabbed my hand. “You got this.”

“And please,” Iris pleaded, rubbing her temples. “Please don’t make a scene. My job’s hard enough already.”

Iris opened the gates, and I walked into Heaven, marveling at it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a place so pretty that it almost moved me to tears. I stick out though as one of the few people without white angelic wings. It looked like they could put them away, but most kept them out.  It took me a while to find the first place on the list without a map or being able to ask anyone, but I made it and knocked on the door nervously.

“Ada, is that you?” called out a woman. “I thought you were coming later-”

The door opened, and my mother stood in the entrance, looking at me with shock. She was speechless, and I was embarrassed.

“Um… hey,” I coughed out.

“B-Beatrice…?”

“Yeah… Listen, I-”

Mum threw her arms around me in a tight hug. Not the reaction I was expecting… The opposite one actually. I think she nearly cried when she let me go.

“It’s been so long!”

“It… Yeah.”

“Come on, come in!” she encouraged, dragging me inside. I was too confused to resist. She pushed me into the living room, where Dad was sitting.  “Honey, look who it is!”

“Beatrice…?” he asked, slowly getting up and approaching me. Before I knew it, I was sandwiched in a hug between my parents. How and why? They both released me eventually.

“We thought we’d never see you again!” Mum cried. “We thought you ended up in Hell!”

“I, um, did,” I laughed. “You know me, just can’t keep me down. I live there, but work where uh, Max and Aven do now.”

“That’s…”

“What took you so long?” Dad asked. “You could’ve reached out a while ago.”

“I thought you wanted nothing to do with me,” I admitted. “Why are you… so nice to me? I ruined everyone’s lives.”

“We… Yes, we were bitter about you for many years, even after you died. Heck, even years after we died,” he admitted. “But after enough time… sometimes you have to just move on. Dying makes you realize how many things you should’ve handled differently.”

“You’re telling me.”

We all laughed.

“But… I came to apologize. I was a horrible woman, a worse sister, and a sorry excuse for a daughter. I had everything and shoved it in everyone’s faces and acted like a spoiled brat. I really am sorry for… for my life.”

“Honey, you’ve… you’ve grown,” Mum admired.

“Really?” I asked, looking around my body. “I thought I sprouted another inch, but Lisha said I was just crazy-”

“That’s not what I meant,” she laughed, pulling me into another hug. 

“Yeah,” I giggled. “I know. I was just messing.”

“Don’t you think she should see her?” Dad said.

“Hm? Who?” I asked.

As if on cue, a woman came out of a hallway holding a basket of flowers. Brown wavy hair, like mine, and a cute face and figure too. Didn’t look too bad for a middle aged woman, but I wasn’t sure who she was supposed to be. I just furrowed my brow.

“Who’re-”

“Sis…?” the woman asked, dropping her basket. “Beatrice…?”

“Do I… know you?” I was feeling more uncomfortable by the second.

“It’s me,” she laughed, running up and grabbing my hands. Mum and Dad looked at her fondly. I felt like I should know her, but I just…

“Do you want one more race?” she asked. “For old time’s sake?”

Oh shit. No way… No freaking way…

“Elizabeth?!” I gasped, touching her face and hair, not quite believing it. When I last saw her, she was just a little girl, but now… She was a woman now!

“Mhm,” she giggled. “But, what’re you doing he-”

“I’m sorry,” I said, taking my turn to cry and throw my arms around her. “I was a terrible sister, and you deserved better than me.”

“Hey,” she whispered. “No, I didn’t.”

“But-”

“I think I deserved the sister who loved me, and who I loved.”

“I… I don’t know what to say…”

Elizabeth didn’t know either apparently, because she just hugged me again. God, what was the feeling in my chest? I felt so short of breath, like I was about to faint, but it felt good. Giddy and nervous; excited and dreading. I… I didn’t want the moment to end.

“What’ve you been up to?!” she asked eagerly. “I didn’t die too long ago really, and I don’t know where you’ve been. I haven’t been able to find your house up here!”

“Oh…” I said awkwardly. “I’ve got a lot to catch you up on, apparently.”

I spent a long time catching them all up on what I’ve done and been doing. We all sat down, laughed and talked, and felt… like a family. I really felt like I had my family again for the first time in decades… The feeling of being wanted by them… Knowing I was loved by my mom, dad, and sister… It was intoxicating.