It hurts. The moment I opened my eyes, that was how it felt. My whole body hurts, I think it’s a miracle that I’m still alive. I rub my belly. It’s clean. So, he’s kind enough to clean it before leaving?
“Ah … haha ….”
I know that crying wouldn’t change anything. I don’t even want to cry, not for a man like him. I don’t want to waste my tears for that scumbag.
“Nghh ….”
I hate myself. How could I’m still crying over him?! Is it because of his violence, that hurts my body? Is it because of his betrayal years ago? Or, is it because he’s simply changed?
More importantly, why the hell am I still alive?
No, it’s not the time to think about it. How if Iori comes home and found me like this?
“Riku, I’m gonna come in.”
Just after I thought about him, the front door burst open. He didn’t even knock.
Our eyes met. My tears are still dripping out, and my lower body also naked. Meanwhile, his eyes wide opened. I can see his breathing gets faster, but those don’t last long. With quick, he took off his jacket and covered my lower body. Grabbed some tissue to wipe my tears, even though his hands are trembling.
“You can tell me everything, only if you wanted to. I won’t force you, so just rest here.”
Iori brought me into his hug. It’s warm and comfortable. His hand stroked my hair, it’s calming. Slowly, my tears stopped dripping. I started to get my strength back.
***
“Ouch!”
“Ah, is it hurts? Sorry, but bear with me. Just a little bit.”
After he helped me to clean, he dressed me and treats my wounds. It’s funny to see how serious his face is right now.
“Why’re you giggled, hm? What’s so funny?”
Ah, he noticed it.
I just smiled at him. I rub the bandage on my cheek. Suddenly, my heart’s pounding and my face feels hot. What is this?
“Riku? You don’t feel good? Wanna sleep?” His hand touched my forehead, then his face looks relieved.
I shook my head. Seeing he puts the first aid kit back into the drawer, my mouth moves out of my control.
“I’ll tell you everything.” I bit my lower lip. It’s okay, right? I’d only tell him about the past, so nothing will happen, right?
Iori sat back on the bed. He looked at me with a smile. “Don’t force yourself.”
“No, I wanna tell you, how a bastard he actually is.”
We fell silent for a while. I have to prepare myself because I’m going to open the old wounds. Knowing it, Iori held my hands tightly, as if telling me “you aren’t alone anymore”.
I take a deep breath. “The person who has done it all … it’s the same person that you met yesterday.”
Iori isn’t shocked at all. He already knew it.
“His name is Haruto. He’s my fiancé.” This time, he flinched. “Or should I call it ex-fiancé?”
I rubbed his hands softly. I can feel his anger through his pheromones.
“It was around four years ago ….”
***
Sigh
“How’s this? How do I tell mom and him about it? Moreover, will he be happy, though?”
I was pregnant. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to have a baby. Instead, I hope I could welcome it properly.
The thing is, I knew that he’s been cheating on me. Not only once, but several times.
He didn’t know yet that I knew about it, and I was planning to tell him the truth that day. Both, my pregnancy and his betrayal.
However …,
“Happy graduation, my dear Riku.”
He gave me a bucket of flowers. I just said “thanks” and accepted it. It hurts enough that he had cheated on me, but why should he still act that kind towards me? Shouldn’t he start to change? But no, he still cared as if he loved me, just like when he was really in love with me.
“Haruto, do you love me?”
I held my tears. I hoped my voice was okay.
“Of course. We’ve been together for four years, right? How could I not love you?”
It really hurts. It hurts more than the fact that he betrayed me itself.
“Why are you crying? Such a crybaby, hm?”
Even his touch towards my body still felt the same.
“Don’t cry. I have something for you. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
No … stop! Don’t give it to me!
He smiled. The same smile as when the first time he told me that he loved me.
The same smile as seven years ago, in our high school graduation party.
“We’re graduated and would continue to look for a job, right? I’ll quickly find a proper job, and when I have enough money and stable working life ….”
No … it’s too hurt.
“Let’s get married, Riku.”
His smile, his happy voice, his touch when he put the ring on my finger … I can still feel it vividly.
Really, isn’t cheating enough to hurt me? Why should you do this to me?
I looked at the ring on my finger. At least, I should tell him this one.
“I’m pregnant, Haruto.”
As I expected. He was shocked, and his smile faded.
“Are you being serious right now?”
“Why? You don’t like it? That’s okay, I can take care of it myself—”
“No! I’m happy, of course! It’s just … it’s kinda shocking me, that’s all.”
Sure, it was a lie.
At that time, I couldn’t tell him a single thing about him cheating. What makes it worse even more was that I got my hopes up just because of a ring.
Just, how if … that was the last time he cheated on me.
How if … he’d regret it all and comes back to me.
If he’s gonna cry and beg for my forgiveness, saying that he loves me and that he’s happy about our child … that he’d be by my side just how it was supposed to be, then … for this once only … I’ll give him the last chance.
That was it. That was the last hope I had.
I told my mom about my pregnancy. Of course, I didn’t tell her about his betrayal. Mom was weak enough that she should be stayed at the hospital, I couldn’t burden her even more.
“Mom, I’m pregnant.”
She smiled so happily. Tears dripped from her eyes. It was a pure happiness, I knew it. I was glad that she was happy.
“Congrats, my son. I’m sure you’d be a great dad, but I’m sorry, I think I won’t be by your side anymore when it happens.”
“Don’t say it, Mom. I already hurt right now, so, please ….”
Mom wiped my tears, told me to stop crying because it’d make the baby sad too. She rubbed my belly that was still flat at that time.
“Riku, my son … you’re a good boy. They said that a good person always have a bad luck. So are you, hm?”
I remember I harshly wiped my face, then made a big smile.
“Look, Mom! Haruto proposed to me yesterday! He said, ‘let’s get married.’”
I showed her a ring that lingered on my finger. Even though my smile was so big, tears still wouldn’t stop dripping.
Mom stroked my hair gently. Her voice gotten softer, like a whisper.
“Riku, even though you’ve never told me, but I knew it. He hurts you, right? I apologize I couldn’t beat him for you ….”
Her stroke stopped as her eyes started to close.
“But Riku, no matter how much you hate him, don’t ever blame the baby, okay? Don’t you ever hate it. I’m sure you’re gonna be a great parent, with or without him by your side. Once again, I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t even besides you when he hurts you.”
I cried a lot while held her hand tightly. I wanted to tell her that I was so tired, that I wanted her to take me with her too. However, I couldn’t even let a single word out of my mouth. My stomach also hurts. Was the baby okay?
“Riku, I’m sure someday, you’ll find a person who would love you and treat you better. I’m sure you’ll find the true love, so, please, don’t give up yet!”
No, Mom, I don’t believe in it anymore—was what I wanted to say.
It was late. The line on the monitor beside her changed into a straight line and its ranging sound filled the silent room.
We didn’t even say a proper goodbye, yet she was still nagging me at the very last.
That was how we part ways as mother and son. I lost the only family I owned. That was when I started to get used to be alone.
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