It was eventide. My eyes glued to the big and round thing in the sky that provided light during the darkness of the night. It possessed an ivory colour and radiated with a cool and bluish luminosity.

Lucius sat beside me, placing a big leaf on his lap with sliced fruits settling on it.

“What is that?” I pointed at the bright circle in the sky.

“That? That’s a moon.” Fondness latched on to his voice. 

“Moon…” I mimicked. “And what are those surrounding it? Are those little moons?”

Lucius initially replied to me with a chuckle. “Those are stars.”

Those must be the moon’s children.

Despite what light that the moon and the stars already provided, the dwarves lit up what they called pyram (bonfire) which emitted a warm and orange hue. Wood was its fuel and many of the dwarves surrounded it, sharing its warmth.

My eyes focused on the pyram. The fire rose whenever more wood was sacrificed to sustain its life. I couldn’t help but think that the pyram was such a greedy thing just like the races in this world that let their greed chase them into the doors of destruction.

“Lucian, you haven’t touched your food yet, are you not hungry?” 

“This food has taste. It is not for me.”

Lucius released an exasperated sigh. “It is for you. Please eat it. I encourage you to do so.”

“Why?” 

“Because like that fire you need strength so that you can help others,” he explained calmly.

“How is that tree eating thing helping me?” 

“It provides you warmth when you’re cold,” he replied. “Now eat, many more villages will need our help.”

I stared at my own portion. I picked up a fruit that was a bit yellow but had a pinkish to reddish blush. I took a bite of it; my tongue welcomed a new taste that kept me chewing until I finished everything that was provided for me.

Lucius went to talk with some dwarves. I was left staring at the pyram. A detka (baby) crawled towards the pyram with no one noticing.

Will the pyram also devour the detka? He looked intrigued to touch it. Should I wait for the detka to be eaten before calling their attention or will the detka's obvious shrills catch their attention instead?

I placed the leaf on the fallen tree trunk I was sitting on and rose. I sauntered towards where the detka was and plucked him from the ground. When he giggled, I nearly dropped him.

Why was he suddenly giggling? How low was his happiness level? If I throw him into the pyram, will he continue to giggle? Should I dare test it?

I never experienced carrying a detka before. We did not have one in the castle, and they did not allow me to mingle outside. How do you carry one?

I raised the detka by holding him by his two legs. The detka laughed as I figured out how to fix his position.

He was very tiny. His height was from my elbow to my wrist. I turned the detka and had his bum-covered leaf on my palm. His head faced my neck. The detka placed his plump hands against my face and started to explore. The little curls on his head bounced as he clapped his hands from joy.

This detka was mad.

“Farah that is enough, time to go to bed. Give onii a kiss,” a woman from behind me called out. Farah did place a kiss on my cheek. His kiss left a trail of saliva, but my mind didn’t dwell much on that.

I was left blank.

“Onii play with rah!” he cheered.

My kidnapper appeared by my side with a smile. He took Farah from me.

“Chii, you look like you were enjoying Farah’s presence. I was worried that you weren’t going to rescue him,” he chuckled. So, he knew that the detka was going to get burned. 

His expression of his observation caught me off-guard. I swallowed my pooling saliva. I was mindlessly executing actions that would further endanger me. How could I escape this when the stimuli were everywhere?

“He was…he was going to be eaten by the pyram and…” I trailed off.

I couldn’t explain my own actions. There was no excuse for this. The Higher-Order will not tolerate this feebleness, but they must understand that I had no chance against the real world. 

Everything that I was put through was all for nothing. They didn’t teach me anything about this. All my life I was contained in the castle.

“It’s alright. You’ll figure things out. I understand that this is a lot to take in. I want you to meet some people, but I don’t think you’re ready for them yet.”

Everything was falling apart.

‘Going out is like biting on death's tail. Stay here. Keep hidden. You'll live.’

"Aren't you afraid to die?" I asked Lucius.

Without a doubt, he was an Ancient, and without a doubt, he was an Ancient who defied the rules of our kind. Going out here was suicide. I heard everyone became feral once the Ancients withdrew from the world.

“Of course, I am, but why would I let something that hasn’t happened yet stop me from living?” he queried with a smile.

"So, you take these risks because you know that one day you’ll perish?” 

I was always taught from the beginning that death was a bad thing, and it should be avoided at all costs.

“That’s correct and aside from that, because I have life, I want the things around me to have life too. You can’t continuously purify yourself when the things around you are dead. When you see too much and when you have too much you'll want to help," he explained and looked up to the moon.

"I remembered a child who idolized me so much but now he doesn’t even know me.”

“Who is that child?” What a stupid one.

He turned to glance at me. “You.”

I frowned. I tried to dig up my memories as hard as I could, but I just could not remember him. My parents never said I had a brother but apparently that was a complete lie.

What other lies were they keeping from me?

“My mind…everything is jumbled...” I murmured.

"You're confused. The things I'm teaching you are clashing with the things they brainwashed you with. Why believe in people who concealed memories of your own brother? Why believe in people who have too much faith in their sanctuary?"

"They believe that they're safe because they are safe," I reasoned out. No danger had ever entered the tree.

"No one is safe even if there are no catastrophes. You might as well live while you can and enjoy life given to you." Lucius rubbed my cheek with his thumb.

Enjoy life? Should it be something to be relished?

"Lucian...there's something that you need to know about yourself.” His tone shifted into a more serious one.

“What is it?”

"There is someone who wants to take revenge on you," he started.

Ridiculous…

Just ridiculous in all language translations…

"Was it because of the amount of bland bread I ate for the last eighteen years?”

Lucius laughed and then cleared his throat.

"No, it's not that. Twenty-four years ago, you were born in a way not exactly expected.” 

“Let me guess, I was a merry detka,” I deadpanned.

He harshly rubbed his knuckles against the top of my head. 

"You're cracking jokes now huh?!"

"I have no sense of humour," I deadpanned.

He released me from his brutal grasp. I rubbed my head.

“Just listen to me. Twenty-four years ago, you were born—” before he could finish his sentence, a dwarf tripped on a rock. The bowl he was carrying fell to my lap. The hot liquid splashed all over my thighs and stomach, Lucius jolted up in panic.

"Ah! Imi pare rau! (I'm very sorry!)" The dwarf exclaimed, flailing his arms.

Lucius took me to a small hut, removing my clothes after we squeezed through the tiny doorway. 

"Tell me it hurts.”

There were multiple wooden buckets with water in the hut. Lucius made me sit on the rocky floor. 

He poured the cold water over my reddened lap. I shivered. The small hut was lit with glowing mushrooms growing from the walls.

"That's cold."

"Instead of complaining that it hurts, you're complaining of how cold the water is," he grumbled.

There was a bigger bucket in the room that could fit two to three dwarves.

"Submerge yourself in that bucket.”

He was fussing too much. There was nothing wrong with my skin possessing an angry red colour from the soup. I was showing no signs of pain but here he was, forcing me to show and express agony.

"You should say something," he intruded my thoughts. "That soup was newly boiled, and you didn't even flinch. Showing that you're in pain doesn't mean you're weak."

"I am fine. Stop worrying.”

“Lucian— “

“Aaah…” I faked an expression of despair in a monotonous way. “Are you satisfied?”

He seemed like he was nearing the edge of amok, but he exhaled the energy and patted my head. “I’ll get your clothes. Rest for a little bit, brother.”

He scrunched himself down and went out. With him out of sight, I was left with silence. I laid my head against the edge of the bucket, catching the sound of strings being strummed and deep voices putting their words in a rhythm. 

It must be called "singing". I never heard anyone sing before until this day. The law had forbidden music.

"Your Highness.”

I turned to look at the tiny source of the voice. I stared at him blankly. His hair fell on his shoulders. He only had some stubble compared to his hairy kind. He was rather thin and looked young. Everyone did look thin here, perhaps even malnourished. 

"My name is Narrack. I just wan' to thank ya person'lly for saving us from hunger,” he said.

I inclined my head. I never did a favour for others; therefore, I did not know how to respond. Talking may just get me in trouble.

"And I just wan' to tell ya how belissimo (beautiful) you are. Would you like me to assist ya in bathin’?"

By this time, he was fidgeting.

“No need,” I dismissed him, yet he continued to stand there. 

What did he want? A hug?

Lucius entered the hut. He gave us a look of curiosity. "Narrack, what are you doing here?"

The young dwarf gave me a hopeful expression, but I looked away seeing it as nothing. 

"I was...I was just seein' if he needs anythin'. I'll be goin' now!" The little man scurried away. He was giving off an aura of dejection. 

"What did Narrack tell you?" He asked.

"He told me I'm beautiful,” I deadpanned. “And asked me if I wanted his assistance in my bath.”

"When a dwarf or an elf tells you that you are beautiful while bathing, it is their way of asking permission for courtship."

What an odd and perverted method. So, if one will ask permission, you’ll have to ask them to get in a tub of water first and confess? Waste of time.

"Call him back then.”

"Why?" Lucius questioned.

"I'll reject him.”

"Cruelty runs within you chii!”

After bathing, I slipped into loose blue shorts and a blue blouse. The clothing had white edges with intricate markings of gold. The material was soft and non-constricting. But I had issues with it.

"There!" He declared. "I thought the clothes I bought you would not fit. You were always a little small compared to the other kids and not only that, but you were so cute!” Lucius complemented.

"These clothes expose me too much.” The shorts were above my knees and these sandals had my toes out in the open air.

“Stop whining about clothes. At least you aren’t naked. Come on, we need to get to bed. We still have a village to visit tomorrow,” Lucius chirped.

He led me to another hut that was more robust and more suitable for our size. This wasn’t here before. We entered the empty space. There was already a fluffy white carpet on the floor. 

"Let's sleep now.”

We settled down. He took the opportunity to embrace me again. Why was he so clingy?

"Stop hugging me.”

"Nope, this may be my last time I’m giving you a hug. You never know when you'll die so might as well let the person you love know that you love them even though they are cold to you,” he chuckled.

"I won't return your affection.”

"It's alright. Just feel all the love chii~" he cooed happily.

Disgusting.

I sighed, letting my eyes close. 

My body was exhausted. What will my parents say now? What about Segreth and the future of Florencia? All those times I was hiding from death, yet death found a way to get closer to me. 

Lucius began to hum in a tone that seemed familiar to my ears, but I could not remember where I had heard of it.

“Do you remember this? Okaa always sang this lullaby for us. When she's busy, I would sing it for you.”

“She never sang anything for me. And I don’t ever remember you being a part of my childhood…”

If you were…things would have been completely different.

“I’m sorry…” Lucius spoke. "I'm really sorry little brother."

It became quiet for a moment until I heard him softly sniffle from behind. His embrace got tighter. 

“If only I was there…If only I was there…” he repeated remorsefully.

If only.

“Sleep…Do not waste tears any further. There is no use crying for the past because no matter what you do, the past can no longer be undone.”

Lucius sniffled a few more times, leaning his head against my nape. He continued to hum the soft melody. In his attempt to lull me, he fell asleep in the process. His snores emerged. His embrace loosened. I turned to look at him, questions filling my mind.

Why did you leave me for eighteen blue moons? Were these people worthy of that much time? You were not there when all of that happened. 

Do you really believe that you can retrieve me from behind that wall?

They are watching me. They will never let me go. 

I placed my head against his chest and remembered Farah calling me brother even when we were not related. Farah was too oblivious to everything, yet he already experienced this much tragedy while I lived in peace.

‘When you see too much and when you have too much, you'll want to help…’

"What have you done to me?"