The Queen was kind enough to turn away as I disrobed. Her steady eyes were trained on the fogged walls while my trembling fingers peeled away my clothes, one layer at a time. Even as the last piece of garment fluttered onto the floor, she never once looked my way.

There was something in me that wished she would look, that wished she would at least glance at me. But she would never. She was too honorable for that.

I stepped towards the bath, bare feet shuddering at every step, body shivering from the breeze. But I was not cold. No, I was far from it. Instead, I was burning up in every sense of the word. 

The Queen did not look at me, but she was still there, right in front of me. And I was naked. I was so close to the Queen—and naked.

I took a deep breath. The aroma from the flowers—flowers I had plucked and ground up—wafted into my nose and soothed my thrashing heart. 

Lifting my leg, I entered the bath.

The warmth enveloped me like a much-needed embrace, and I could not help but let out a soft sigh of delight. I had bathed a few times in my life, but the water had never been this pleasant… this luxurious.

“How is it?” the Queen asked. She was still angled away from me. A few strands of her hair had come loose. They curled as they landed on her shoulders. 

“It’s- It’s not too hot, Your Majesty,” I said. “It’s… perfect.”

She nodded. More hair fell out of her hairpin. Tilting her head towards me, she murmured, “Close your eyes, Seul-Ki.”

The moment I shut my eyes, rustling sounds ensued, and I almost opened them back up again.

“Y- Your Majesty?” I stuttered, frantic. “Are- Are you… What are you…”

“Don’t open your eyes,” the Queen instructed. Her voice was close. Too close.

“Your Majesty, wait… there’s… there’s no space in here, p- please let me- let me get out firs—” The rest of the sentence was stuck in my throat when I heard the small splash and felt the light ripple against my chest.

I quickly pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. The Queen had stepped into the tub, and I needed to give her as much space as possible.

“You are right,” the Queen whispered. Her breath—she was close, way too close—burned my skin way more than the water or the steam in the air could. “This is not too hot.”

It was too hot for me now, however.

Gulping, I concentrated on breathing, on smelling the flowers, on absorbing the moisture. I thought of my duties for the day, of the Sanggung and the other maids, of what they might be doing right now. I thought of anything that was not the Queen. Anything that would not cause me to burst into flames.

“Thank you, Seul-Ki, for doing this.”

“A- Anything for you, Your Majesty…”

I felt a weight on my shoulder and I stiffened. The Queen had leaned her head on me; her hair tickled my collarbones.

“Y- Your… M—“

“I’m scared, Seul-Ki.”

The cause of my panic shifted drastically. I furrowed my brows. “Why are you scared, Your Majesty?”

There was a short pause before a whisper, “I don’t want him to visit.”

The words were a hard punch in my gut. 

Oh, I had forgotten. This bath, the carefully curated scents, all these preparations—they were all for the King. He was visiting for the night.

I wanted to collapse. I wanted to submerge into the bath and hide away from the world, but the Queen was still resting her head on my shoulder. So I tightened my grip around my legs instead. 

“I… don’t want him to visit too, Your Majesty…” I admitted with an unusually hoarse voice.

We sat in silence for a long time. I did not move, keeping my knees tucked and my eyes shut, even as the Queen adjusted her head or sighed in my arm. I did not move, even as she finally stood up and left the tub.

Only after she exited the room did I open my eyes again. The water was no longer warm, and my skin was wrinkling from being soaked for too long. But my heart was still searing.

I lay in the tub and stared out the window. A cherry blossom tree stood under the mid-afternoon sky. I watched as a pink petal floated from above and landed in front of me. I watched as it slowly uncurled itself, soaking up the water and opening up to the world. I watched as the moisture darkened its color. 

I lay in the tub until the head palace lady slammed the door open and screamed at me to get out.

***

The next hour was chaos. Amidst a group of frantic maids deep cleaning the room, a few maids and I focused on getting the Queen ready. We brushed and braided her hair; we cleaned and shaped her nails; we colored and painted her face. Meanwhile, she was wearing a white robe with fabric so thin I could almost see through it. Almost.

My heart was also in chaos. I was as happy as ever working with the Queen like this, being with her, helping her. But every time I remembered the reason why we were doing all this, my mood dropped again.

Up, down, up, down. My emotions dangled like a swing, and I was exhausted.

By the end of the preparations, the Queen was ethereal. Everything about her was flawless. She was so impossibly beautiful, I had to blink my tears away when I looked at her. 

And this was all done for him. 

Didn’t he hate her? Why did he deserve this?

I wanted to cry out in anger, but I knew the Sanggung would yell at me for it.

The sun was setting when the head palace lady ushered all the maids to leave. Once again, I was called to stay, and I gladly did.

I kneeled beside the mattress. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Your Majesty?”

The cushions shuffled as the Queen shifted her body to look at me. I thought back to my first day in the palace. That was the first time I had seen her, and it had been inside her bedchamber too.

“No,” the Queen said. “Just stay with me until…” She trailed off, but I knew what she meant.

I bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty.” 

And there I remained, waiting patiently by her, kneeling in silence. If my silent company was what the Queen needed, it was what I would provide.

Anything for her.