I could not fall asleep.

All night long, I tossed and turned as my mind wrestled between the image of the Queen in her bed and the thought of the King being there with her. 

I hated it. I hated it so much. 

When morning came, I was as cranky as the head palace lady. I even snapped at her, earning myself a hard flick on the forehead.

As usual, I was tasked to prepare breakfast with the royal chefs, and the chefs appeared to be working doubly hard this morning. Apparently, the King was eating with the Queen.

He had stayed over all night long, and he was eating breakfast with her.

And I hated it.

All around me, people buzzed with excitement over this news. But I could barely manage a whisper; my teeth were grinding too hard against each other for me to speak.

The chefs prepared kimchi stew and a few more pickled vegetable dishes. They were supposedly healthy, nourishing, and easily digestible foods, but I knew for a fact that the Queen hated them. Did they not care about her appetite now that the King was here?

“I’ve never made food for the King before,” a chef commented. “This is so exciting.”

“Well, the King has never stayed so long with Her Majesty before,” another said. 

“Do you think they’re rekindling their love?” 

“It’s about time. His Majesty neglected the Queen for so long.”

“That’s what happens when you have dozens of concubines.”

“Even so, one should still pay attention to one’s wife, right?”

I slammed the wooden tray on the table, silencing the chatters. Ignoring everyone’s scrutiny, I loaded up the tray with the food.

“What is wrong with you today?” The head palace lady frowned. “Stay in the quarters if you’re unwell.”

I wanted to scream my head off about how much I hated this. I wanted to smash the bowl of kimchi stew on the floor. I wanted to run into the Queen’s quarters and whisk her away from the King. 

Instead, I muttered, “I’m fine, Sanggung.”

She tutted and dragged me away by my sleeve. “Put down the tray. Mi-Nyu will deliver the food instead.”

“But I want to deliver it,” I protested. I want to see the Queen.

“I don’t trust you and your attitude with the King around. You are on laundry duty now. Follow me.”

Not wanting to be flicked on my forehead again, I bit back my grumbles and trailed after her. 

Soon, I found myself in the Queen’s bedchamber. It turned out ‘laundry duty’ meant cleaning her bedsheets. The sheets where I had touched her. The sheets where she had slept with the King.

There were stains on the sheets. Putrid, pasty stains that did not smell like the Queen.

My hands trembled as I grabbed the sheets. I hated this, I hated this, I hated this.

I would have cried into the sheets if not for the head palace lady smacking me and yelling at me to hurry up.

For the rest of the day, I cleaned the Queen’s sheets and nightgown—the soft robe that I had traced and caressed—as well as every servant’s clothes. Every time I thought I was done with my chores, the head palace lady came over to give me more robes to wash. Soon, I was not only missing out on the Queen’s breakfast, but her lunch, her tea break, and her dinner.

I was missing out on her entire day.

My fury must have shown on my face because nobody talked to me for the rest of the day, not even Mi-Nyu. Only the Sanggung approached me, giving me more clothes to wash and hitting me when I dared to rebuke.

I worked till the sun set. I worked till my hands blistered. I worked till my resentment grew into an unrecognizable growl of an emotion, eating away at my heart, burning away at my veins. 

I. Hate. This.

When the head palace lady called for me again, I almost exploded at her.

“The Queen wants to see you,” she said.

Immediately, I relaxed. “Oh.”

She glared at me. “I don’t know what in the heavenly gods is wrong with you today, but keep it together and don’t anger Her Majesty.”

“I won’t, Sanggung.” I was back to the obedient servant that I should be. 

As per the head palace lady’s instructions, I trotted over to the Queen’s bedchamber to wait for her. Once again, I was in this blessed room. And once again, my mood plummeted when I saw the floor mattress. The sheets were changed but I remembered how it had smelled. I remembered how it had stunk.

I remembered how he had taken the night away from the Queen.

“You look angry.”

The Queen’s voice jolted me from my spiraling thoughts. I glanced at her before turning away for a bow. She was gliding into the room in her usual nightgown, as beautiful as ever. 

Way too beautiful.

“Your Majesty, my Queen.” My greeting was a coarse whisper.

The mattress shuffled as she settled down on it. “Are you angry at me, Seul-Ki?” 

I clenched my fists. I did not reply. I could not reply.

“Seul-Ki?”

A hand reached for my chin. I jerked my head away.

“Seul-Ki.” The Queen’s soft voice stabbed into my heart. “Answer me.”

“You spent all night with His Majesty,” I spat.

There was an uncomfortable pause. Silence had always been easy between us. But not today. 

“I did,” she said finally. “He… doesn’t usually stay over. But he did this time. I was more… receptive last night.” 

Blood shot up my head, blinding me momentarily. My fists began to shake as my fingernails dug into my palms.

Receptive. What the fuck did that mean?

“Seul-Ki, look at me.”

The Queen lifted my chin; I was too distressed to avoid her this time. A blur of tears clouded my vision until she wiped them away with her thumb.

“Seul-Ki,” she murmured, “I was thinking of you the entire time.”

I was not sure if that made me happier or sadder. 

She leaned towards me, her porcelain face inches away from mine. “I wished it was you.”

Angrier. I decided that it made me angrier.

“Then let it be me!” I yelled. The Queen flinched, her eyes wide with shock. I did not care if she was upset. I needed to let my frustration out. I needed to let her know. “Not him, Your Majesty! Me!”

She lowered her head and took a deep breath. When she lifted her head back up, her eyes were intense. Fiery. 

“Why else did you think I called you over tonight?”