The royal physician visited the Queen once a week—and then every single day after she reported that she had missed her period. I was not sure what good that would do; it was not as if constantly checking for pregnancy would make the Queen more likely to be pregnant.

Every day, I was pounced on by every maid and every chef for what little updates I could provide. The Queen Dowager was probably hounding the head palace lady as well, causing her to be extra restless and snippy with us. 

It seemed that the Queen’s potential pregnancy was the most awaited news of the decade—so much so that even the King was coming over every other night now to check up on her.

Why did this bastard of a man go from ignoring the Queen to bothering her so much? 

Whatever. The Queen preferred me. She made sure to whisper that to me over and over again whenever I needed to hear it.

“Seul-Ki.”

The Queen’s voice snapped me off my thoughts. I lifted my gaze from her arm where I had been massaging.

“Yes, Your Majesty?”

“I want to flip around,” she whispered. 

I let go of her. Her lips were paler than usual as she slowly turned away from me and lay on her side. Worry ate at my heart.

“Are you not feeling well, Your Majesty?”

She let out a soft but long breath. “Yeah… I… want to puke.”

I jolted up at that. “Should- Should I get the royal physician, Your Majesty?”

“Please, no,” she said with a weary chuckle, “I’ve seen him enough. Could you get me something to drink? And maybe some Longan fruit as well. I have a sudden craving for that fruit, I don’t know why.”

“I will get that for you right now, Your Majesty!” 

I only ran a few steps out of the Queen’s bedchamber before meeting the head palace lady. Her disapproving scowl morphed into an expression of joy after I gave her a frantic summary of what had transpired.

“Nausea? And a craving?” She clapped her hands together. “This is wonderful news! The Longan fruit is high in Yang energy, so this must be a sign for a baby boy. Go on to the kitchen by yourself, Seul-Ki. I have to report this to the Queen Dowager right now.” 

I could not believe the Sanggung. Did she not hear the part where I had said the Queen was not feeling well? 

“Oh, the Queen Dowager will be over the moon,” the head palace lady muttered to herself, already trotting away. 

“Sanggung!” I called. “Should we… Should we also inform the King about this? I- I think he should rethink his visit tonight. The Queen needs rest.”

“Yes, yes, I will inform both the Queen Dowager and the King of this. Now, get going!”

“Yes, Sanggung.”

With a lighter mood, I sprinted to the kitchen to prepare the refreshments.

Despite the Queen’s condition, the rest of the day was as amazing as any other. After our meals, we went to her study and worked on calligraphy. The Queen had been teaching me how to write my name. Apparently, my name meant ‘solemn beauty’. Or ‘jade zither’, depending on how one interpreted it. 

But however the Queen wanted to interpret my name, that was going to be the true meaning.

 I was only able to write the first character for now, but my attempt today was good enough to earn a kiss on the cheek.

The day was amazing until the head palace lady returned with the news—the King was still visiting tonight. 

I felt the entirety of my spirit deflating. “Why?”

“How would I know?” the Sanggung snapped. “Do you want me to march over to the main palace and ask him?”

I pursed my lips to stop myself from snapping back. I should have known the King would still come over. I should have known he did not care about the Queen’s health. He never cared about the Queen. 

For the next few hours, no matter how much the Queen tried to soothe me, I could not get myself to smile. I could not even pretend to.

I excused myself to my sleeping quarters earlier than usual, and when the other maids began to trickle in for the night, I escaped outside. 

Ever since the King’s fateful visit, there was never a day I could enjoy without the mention of his visit, his potential child, him. I was the Queen’s real lover, the Queen’s chosen lover, but he had the power to kick me away whenever he wanted to. I never had a say in anything. 

None of us had. Only the King.

My fists tightened over a clump of grass—he did not deserve her—and I yanked them off from their roots.

“Unni.”

I had not heard my sister’s voice ever since our fight. Not bothering to look up, I let go of the wrinkled plant. Under the dim moonlight, specks of green blended in with the rest of the ground. “I’m not in the mood to talk, Seul-Na.”  

“Unni, please. I- I miss you.” There was a light rustle as she sat next to me. “I’m sorry for… for what I said that day, okay?”

I still refused to look at my sister. “Save it. I’m not at a good place right now to listen to your apologies.”

“But I haven’t talked to you for weeks, and I don’t like that at all.” Seul-Na’s voice trembled. “You’re my only family left, Unni.”

That sentence finally speared my shield of apathy. I turned my head to look at her. She squeezed out a small smile as if she had forgotten how to do it normally. I could not see her too clearly in the night, but she looked… different. More mature. More mellow. 

More tired.

“How have you been, Seul-Na?” I asked.

“I’m good,” she said; an obvious lie. “Listen, I’m… really sorry, Unni. I knew you were protective of the Queen because you work for her, and yet I still—“

“Let’s forget about it, okay? I don’t want to hear you talk about her.” It had made me sick, and I did not need that right now.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll shut up then.” Her smile widened. “How about you talk about her?”

“I am too tired to talk.”

“But I’m always the one talking, Unni. It’s your turn today. Talk to me. How’s the Queen?”

I suppressed a groan. Of all times Seul-Na chose to not be chatty, it had to be now.

“It was okay,” I mumbled. “The Queen was not feeling well today.”

“I see.” She lowered her head. “No wonder the King is visiting her tonight. He must be worried…”

“Right. Worried. She needs rest and yet he still visits.”

“Oh? Does the King tire her out so?”

“Well, he’s not going to help her rest, that’s for sure.”

“Does the Queen… not like it when the King visits?”

My brows twitched at the strange watchful tone. When I shot Seul-Na a look, her eyes widened as if I had caught her.

And caught her I did.

“Why are you asking me so many questions about the Queen?”

She averted her head. “What do you mean? I’m- I’m curious about your life, Unni.”

“Are you? Or are you just curious about the Queen?”

“I- I mean, you work for the Queen, so of course I’m curious about her too…”

“We’ve not talked for weeks and the first thing you ask about is the Queen. Why did you even come to find me today anyway? Was it because word has gone around about the Queen’s potential son? Are you here to confirm the rumors or something?”

By now, Seul-Na had completely dropped her act. Her lips stuck out into a pout. “I’m just… I’m just curious, Unni! What, can’t I be curious?”

“Well, whatever game you’re playing, I’m too tired to play it.”

“I’m not playing any game. I just want to know—”

“Why? Why do you want to know so much about the Queen? You don’t even like her. And you already have a fixed idea of her from all the stupid rumors you’ve heard. So why should I feed you more?”

Seul-Na’s face contorted into a snarl. “I do not base my judgment on rumors. They are facts; you just refuse to see it.”

And that was my tipping point.

“You know what? I’m sick of this!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up. “You’re always calling the Queen evil and vile, but you know who’s the real vile person? The Bin Concubine.”

Seul-Na gasped before shouting back, “Don’t you dare insult the Concubine!”

“What? You can insult the Queen but I can’t insult the Concubine? The Bin Concubine is a terrible, vile monster, and so is the King! He is a fucking asshole who should rot in hell.”

Silence.

Seul-Na looked like she was stabbed in the chest, her hands over her wound. There were tears in her eyes, but most of all—fear. Fear and an epiphany.

I ran a hand through my face. What had I done? I did not mean a word I had said, but at the same time… I did. 

My guts twisted. Somehow, I felt both awful and… satisfied. It was the same confusing feeling I had after I had found out I was free from my servitude to the Kang family—because they had been massacred in cold blood.

The world spun around me. Before I could throw up in my mouth, I stumbled to my feet and ran back to the servants’ quarters.