I Am the Real One

Chapter 10

“M’lady?”

Joseph appeared very thrown by her assertion of an apology.

Keira flushed. His expression said all she needed to know about his opinion of her.

“I had hoped to be a respected superior like you. Not one that had the position handed to her by birthright. As Princess, I was given this rank I had not earned through work, which has caused some insecurity.”

The previous Keira would have sooner died than admit to such weakness, and she likely would have hidden it or masked it at all costs. She would have likely died before admitting to a subordinate that she felt jealous and small.

But she no longer needed to be perfect. She had no reason to hide her flaws or struggle to better herself, and consequently, she had no cause to be jealous of her subordinate.

She owned up to the unsavory thoughts she had had in the past, feeling ever so light, as if a great burden had been lifted. Keira marveled at how easy it was.

“I can make excuses, but it won't change the fact that I have been difficult. I apologize for the abruptness of it all, but I thought I needed to articulate in so many words: I am sorry.”

“P-princess?”

“There will be no more power struggles between us. No more nitpicking. I trust you to take good care of the Knights of Parvis. No need to consult me.”

She planned to resign in the near future anyway.

It was best to quit now before Cosette’s appearance embroiled her in scandal.

Besides, it wasn't her ambition to become the commander, but rather a traditional obligation for being a Parvis. She did not want to upset the grand duke by refusing it.

Keira now knew that none of it mattered. And if none of it mattered, why upset a whole banner of knights for it? The position of commander ought to return to its rightful owner.

“I'll see you after lunch,” said Keira, leaving Joseph agape.

The pressure to be perfect lifted, and she felt unspeakably free. She was thrilled. It was like floating on air.

***

The recruitment tests were over by late afternoon. The new recruits jumped for joy.

“Is there a welcome feast for the new knights this evening?” Keira asked the ecstatic lot.

“It’s more a night of drinking than a feast, m’lady.”

“The drinks and food are on me.”

“Hurrah!” cheered the new recruits.

“Uh…”

A look of discomfort came over a few members of the banner. This meant she was to attend as well. The highest-ranking knight at an occasion for the lower ranks’ night of drunken tomfoolery? Keira, the eldest daughter of none other than the grand duke himself? The future elementalist and saintess?

The silly new recruits were thrilled at the prospect of drinking their fill of expensive liquor, but they would soon find out that there was no presence more sobering at a party than the princess. Keira saw the trepidation in some of the knights and cleared her throat. She understood their reaction almost immediately.

She had truly meant no harm. As the heir of the House of Parvis, it was her duty to bond with the knights. To fulfill said duty to the best of her ability, she had never missed a feast with the banner of knights. What she did at the party was even more absurd than her presence.

Resolved not to make a fool of herself as the representative of the most prestigious family in the land, she took no more than little sips of the weakest liquor. Nothing ruined the mood of a feast like the highest commander sitting solemnly at the head of the table.

Only after she had given up the position did she learn that commanders typically excused themselves early for the knights’ sake. She truly was sorry, but it was too late for her to seek them out for apologies.

“I won’t be attending. Just send me the bill.”

The group of knights grinned from ear to ear. The transformation was as instant as it was comical. Keira also took the opportunity to deliver the apology she never could.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

“…….”

“…….”

Silence fell over the drill grounds. The commander had apologized. What would a superior—a princess, no less—have to apologize for?

What is going on? What didn’t she know?

The knights shrank with fear.

“I ruined your festive moods by joining the feasts all this time. It won’t happen again, so enjoy the company of your brethren.”

“…….”

“…….”

The mood that had soared when she offered to treat them deflated. Even the new recruits stood at attention as they tried to read the situation.

“.......”

What is she up to? I don’t like this.

Keira was puzzled by the mood that grew chillier with every word she said.

“I did not mean any harm,” she clarified. “I thought attending the feasts would help me bond with you sirs. I did not realize that my presence would prevent you from enjoying yourselves. I apologize for not noticing sooner.”

“…….”

“…….”

The tension grew high as lute strings despite Keira’s gentle tone. A few of the knights turned white as sheets.

What did I do now?

Her face betrayed no emotion, but she was panicked inside.

I thought they’d be happy to hear that I’m not coming. Why do they look so horrified? Was it something I said?

She was planning to resign as commander, and she had hoped to leave on a friendly note. The good intention had backfired.

“I, um… have a meeting with the grand duke. So long.”

Keira rushed off, concerned that her discomfort might show if she stayed any longer, leaving behind a silent banner of knights.

To summarize, as Commander, she had just noticed that the knights dreaded her presence at the feasts. She was sorry she did not see it before. She did not mean any harm, and would pay for their drinks and food as an apology. She only wanted to be friends. She did not mean to make them uncomfortable.

“W-what should we do now?” Arthur, no longer the lowest-ranking knight thanks to the new recruits, croaked in fear.

“She must have heard that we were complaining.”

That wasn’t so. This second time around, Keira had simply gained the insight that she should skip the feasts.

“But we did not say a word against her. Only that she might excuse herself from our feasts. That’s all.”

“Is that how the princess would see it?”

“Aaah!”

The knights turned blue and white. They were caught talking about their commander, the princess, behind her back! Besides...

“I thought attending the feasts would help me bond with you sirs.”

She wanted to bond with them.

Unlike the rest of the banner, she did not live in the barracks or share daily schedules with the knights. The commander position for the grand duke’s children was honorary. On top of that, she was a woman among a vast majority of men. The feasts seemed like a good place for the princess to socialize with her knights.

“But she was picking at her food with that icy look. How is that bonding? I thought she wanted us to eat our fill and go home early!”

“Wasn’t she chaperoning so we wouldn’t get carried away and make a mockery of the House of Parvis?”

The knights vented similar frustrations. Looking characteristically expressionless at the head of the table, Keira did not seem like a person there to make friends.

One explanation came over the hubbub: “The princess is the pinnacle of decorum.”

It was the new recruit, Karl.

“Maybe she never learned to have fun?”