Backfired plan
Ch.1.3
Nathan's pov
Sh*t, he saw me. Since the party of Pamela, I've been trying my hardest to ignore Theo. I just can't bring myself to talk to him or do what I usually do, annoy the sh*t out of him. I can't even look at him without thinking about that kiss.
So far, I managed to make sure he never saw me but this time it didn't work out. Even if I'm ignoring him, I always glance and stare at him occasionally. Of course, I admire him from afar where he can't see me but well...it surely didn't work out today.
I don't want to talk to him. I'm kinda scared I won't act like my usual self in front of him. I can't have him see me in a different light. He can't see me being nervous or some sh*t because I'm always confident. Our relationship will stay like this like it always has.
The only problem is that I can't deal with him anymore. Since the kiss, I've had trouble controlling my feelings. Those so-called feelings are the same as I had for him for years.
The only difference is that I hide them quite well but now it feels like I can't hide them all that well. I don't want to become the ugly mess girls are when they have a crush. Ugh, I'm not a girl.
Plus I have a reputation to keep, it's already bad enough I couldn't hook up with girls anymore before but now I can't kiss them without seeing Theo instead. It's always Theo, Theo, Theo. It feels like he is in my head 24&7. It's annoying really.
I thought about him a lot before but I always had a bit of control but now I can't control my thoughts. Sometimes it goes from me kissing him to imagining him under me. It's as if kissing him, awakened a part of me. Now that I got a taste of it, I want some more. It's brutal, I was ready to accept I was gay but now I'm kinda forced to do so.
Sometimes I wonder if he is thinking about it too but I'm pretty sure he has forgotten about it. Knowing he's gay is worse honestly, it gives me some kind of hope that he could be attracted to me too when I don't want that feeling.
Some may say I'm bi or something but honestly, I've never felt like this when it comes to girls. You flirt with them, use your charm and boom you got them under you. It's way too easy with them but not when it comes to Theo...
I mean, yeah girls are pretty easy to swoon, besides they like the bad boy type, though I get most of my girls anywhere else than school. The girls at school want nothing to do with me, well no one basically. It's kinda sad but I'm not even at school long enough to get along with others or associate with them. So yeah, I don't care, I'm used to being all alone.
Regardless, that's beside the point! Argh, why is he so perfect tho? If he had more flaws it would be easier for me to find some reasons to not like him that way but no he's so f**king perfect that I'm drowned to him even more.
What a relief I saw him leave with some friends. Wait, there's a guy I've never seen before. Is that his new friend? Argh, does he really gotta flaunt it to me that he's that popular?
Seriously, I swear I saw him stare back at me and it wasn't the same as before, he's never happy to see me but he kinda was. It's unbelievable...He hates me...I wonder why he was looking at me like that.
I was kinda scared that he was gonna talk to me. I mean why would he? He hates me of course he is relieved to be let free. A part of me still wanted to see if he would miss me, worried about me. Nah, that's nonsense.
Today I'm at school because I was told by my dad to go or else he would ground me. At this point, I don't know why he bothers. I skipped school so many times that it shouldn't matter anymore and anyways I'm a lost cause.
It's not that I'm scared of being grounded but still, I don't want to put up a fight with him. Today definitely will suck. I will be stuck thinking about Theo, being bored and not understanding a single thing. I have long given up on trying to understand sh*t about school.
What's the point anyways? I won't become a CEO or a doctor or anything. I suck so bad at school that at this point the teachers let me pass their subject. I flunk all the school subjects except P.E obviously.
I don't even bother showing up either way. They've given up a long time ago.
I mean I'll admit I don't put any effort either.
Like what's the point to put some effort into understanding the subject if you're already a lost cause?
For my future? I'm tired of hearing that bullsh*t and it's only gonna get worse as months go by. They even started talking about it the last time I actually went to class. That it's College. They must have lost their minds. College? Talk about some kinds of punishment like jail.
Anyway, I've given up a long time ago and it's not this year that will change.
Unfortunately, I was reminded by my dad that it's my last year at school and he fully expects to see me graduate. At least graduate high school he says.
Graduate my ass, I would rather die than be forced to do this but even though I don't want to, I have to get through the day.
——————-
"Hey if it isn't Nathan. You decided to take your studies seriously?''
"Nah, don't think about me changing ideas any time soon.'' I go sit down on my seat.
Ugh, Ms. Frazer pisses me off but eh I don't want to put up a fight with her so early in the morning. I'm kinda surprised that no one has taken my seat yet. What are they waiting for?
As I go sit down I notice Theo on his seat. He's looking at me. Hmm, I wonder why? Oh, everyone is staring at me. Great just great. I managed to skip every class that Theo is in but I forgot he was in my Math class. Yeah...Well, this is gonna be a long class.
——————
Omg, finally class is over. I didn't think class could be such a pain in the ass. It was so long!!
I kept staring at Theo when he wasn't looking. He even caught me staring at him at some point. How embarrassing...but I realized he was staring at me sometimes too. Huh, that's new.
Mister Perfect is not listening to the class as much as he thinks he does but instead, he's staring at me. I swear even his friends saw it. Argh does he got to look at me with his smile of his? It melts my heart.
I don't get it really. Why is he smiling? Doesn't he want to hit me everywhere I go?
Screw that, it feels like I'm on another planet. Geez this is getting out of hand. The students start to get out of the class.
"Nathan, Theo stay here for a little bit. I need to talk to both of you.'' Argh, what does Ms. Frazer want? As soon as everyone left the class she starts talking.
"Nathan since it seems like you have finally decided to take your studies seriously..."
"I said at the beginning of the class that I have no plan to change ideas, did you hear me correctly mam?''
"Honestly, I don't care since it's your graduating year the most important year, I have decided that you will have a tutor and that tutor will be you, Theo.'' What?! Is she for real right now!?
"No, No, NO!! I'm not okay with this! I don't want a tutor nor do I need one!''
"I know you're mad but it's for your own good and you, Theo, I hope you don't mind my decision right?''
"No, no mam it's fine, I'll tutor him.'' He smiles lightly. Ugh...why did he have to own up to his goody two shoes title? Couldn't he just say no?
I thought we were enemies.
"Such a good boy, why don't you start acting like him sometimes? Look, he's a real sweetheart." I'm so sick and tired of being compared to Theo, it's always the same thing.
"Argh, fine you won't give me a chance to decide, am I right?''
"Yes, for once you are correct now you boys can go enjoy your break.'' Geez, that teacher has no mercy on me, the school should've suspended me instead of this tutoring punishment, it would've been better that way.
But omg, I can't believe I'll have to be tutored by him. Argh, why does my plan never work? Now I definitely can't ignore him anymore. Of course, she chose him. He has the best GTA in the class. Ugh, what should I do now?
This is gonna be so awkward. I wonder if I have to see him often because I would be glad if I could just not do this altogether. Why now?
I walk out of the classroom at the same time as him.
"Um, I know you don't want to do this as much as I don't want to but how do we do this?"
Well, I wasn't expecting him to speak up now. Why is using his sweet voice of his? He seems determined but at the same time confused. Usually, he's just annoyed or mad at me.
"Sense I'm forced to do this if we don't want her to go mad, we can see each other every Tuesday in the library after school. 1 hour maximum."
Damn, didn't think I was gonna be able to pull it off but it worked. Maybe I'm better than I thought when it came to controlling my feelings.
"Ok mister, I get it. Tuesdays only, noted. Are you gonna take this seriously or are you gonna be wasting my time?" Here I thought he wasn't going to go back to being mad at me...
Geez, that's a tough question. I don't want him to think that I'm acting differently but I can't start taunting him like before because I always feel too guilty nowadays. Hmm, just smirk, yeah fake it.
I start to smirk.
"You'll see.'' I'm sure he is annoyed with that answer but I couldn't come up with a better response than this.
"Ugh, fine, library tomorrow at 3:30 pm. Got it?"
What did he say? I was too busy looking at him in certain places like maybe his ass? Yeah, his ass. I wonder how it'd feel if I put my dick...
"Earth to you, what'd you looking at?" He says while glaring at me.
''Nothing..." F**k.. how embarrassing, I got caught red-handed. Thank goodness Theo is oblivious. Geez, I was checking those places, wasn't I? Luckily for me, I manage to hide that I'm blushing.
And with that, he left. Oh man, why did I have to think about this now? I knew I shouldn't have talked to him. Now I'm stuck with those thoughts.
I'm afraid the wet dreams about him will only be worse. How can it stop if I'm forced to be around him? This is gonna be harder than I thought...
Damnit, I need a cigarette now! This is stressing me out!
——————
I was right it is definitely harder than I thought. I couldn't stop thinking about him all night long and definitely in a naughty way.
As much as I still feel disgusted when I do, I had to take matters into my own hands and came a few times at the mere sight of him last night.
It is seriously getting out of hand. Why is it only getting worse the more I restrain myself from doing something?
To make matters worse, I'll be forced to see Theo once a week for an hour just the two of us. I really don't trust myself. I fear I might do something I regret.
It's not like me to fear something but I do when it comes to Theo, it's Theo...
I can't have all this hatred built up for almost 10 years be ruined in a second. It already did get ruined when we had to...yeah, kiss at spin the bottle.
Argh just thinking about that makes me want to have a taste of those lips again but I know I can't.
I could try to find a boy but yeah I've got a reputation to keep for now so I have no interest in engaging with a guy.
Speaking of tutoring sessions, it is Tuesday and I believe it's time to go now. Ugh...this is gonna be pure torture.
I walk out of the rooftop after smoking a cigarette. Not too surprising there. I walk in the direction of the library and get in.
I've met by the sight of Theo laughing. Why is he laughing all on his own? Argh, even his laugh is perfect.
I come closer and stand next to him. He doesn't notice me. So I choose to get rid of my winter coat. How annoying that it snows now.
"What'd you laughing at?" I try to show my usual smirk. He flinches and finally notices me then he proceeds to glare at me.
"None of your business."
"Ok then?"
"Now that you're here. Let's start shall we?"
He says with a noticeable fake smile.
"Drop the nice act," I say bluntly.
"What did you just say?" He says sharply.
"Nothing, you better not take your sweet time because I have other things to do." I try to sound annoyed.
"Are you gonna be like that all hour long?"
"Maybe" I smirk.
"Just...cooperate ok? I don't want to be scolded by the teacher because you're not listening to me. I'm taking this seriously."
"Damn...ok. I guess you'll act like yourself then?"
"Yeah, you told me to drop the nice act? Then, I will."
I remain silent about that. I can tell he is so irritated by that but he doesn't say it. Instead, he proceeds to start getting his books and to start explaining some things.
———————
Yep, that was a long hour. I didn't understand a single thing he said. He kept explaining this and that but I only found myself getting bored in an instant. I'm surprised I dared not to leave.
Anyways to keep from not losing my sanity, I took advantage of the fact I could stare at Theo all I want. I didn't even answer a single question. I just remained silent.
Hmm, I guess it must be because...No, it can't because him getting scolded by the teacher because of me would be cool. Finally, he wouldn't be so perfect.
The issue is that I feel this guilt inside and I think that's what is actually stopping me from getting him reprimanded by the teacher.
If I still want to make sure he doesn't get yelled out but I don't make any effort, remaining silent is the best way to do it.
"I had enough! Why won't you listen to me and why aren't you answering either?! If you want to graduate you have to try harder!" Instantly, it goes through my gut. I hate it when someone tells me that.
"I don't want to graduate goody two shoes," I say nonchalantly despite knowing damn well I don't like it.
"Hmm, goody two shoes? How about you mister bad boy?" He actually smirks! Oh, that little! Is he challenging me right now?
"I won't say I hate the nickname 'cause it's true but damn school is a real joke, a real pain in the ass. You sure it doesn't bother you
studying all that crap?" I smirk.
"Oh come on, don't you want to have a bright future like me or are you just too busy destroying your life mister bad boy?" He still smiles. This is a rare sight to be seen.
"Oh f**k off, you're annoying, I'm leaving," I say just to spite him. That only makes him smirk even more. Damnit, now that's getting on my nerve for real.
"Did my little comment hurt your feelings asshole?" Oh, he didn't dare! Who does he think he is? He's going too far.
"Did you suddenly become a bad boy, mister goody two shoes while I left?" I fake a laugh.
"I can't believe this right now. What are you trying to prove here? You can be a bad boy all you want but you'll never be one." I say pissed off.
I decide to leave but despite how much he pisses me off, I can't resist taking a look at his entire body. That way I'll have a real thing to imagine, yeah, yup, nope, not thinking about that now or else I'll get a hard-on.
F**k he noticed...and he's blushing! Argh, I need to get out of here or else I don't know what I'm gonna do! If only you knew how much of a mess I am because of you Theo Kerlerg.
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