Ch.3.3
Theo's pov
I didn't sleep properly last night. After everything that happened, I'd say it was quite... a long night.
After my friends left, my mom refused to talk to me, refused. I thought she would've been a bit more supportive but I can't really blame her. Who wants to be told that their 18-year-old teenager is pregnant on their birthday? Well...basically no one.
I never even told her I was gay so that was definitely a huge blow to her. Maybe deep down she knew but I don't know what's on her mind.
I feel really bad about yesterday, guilty even. I should've known that my friends could've heard me.
Now I'm screwed but I'm grateful for Brooke still supporting me even if she doesn't agree with everything I did.
Then there's also Kean whom I don't know all that well. I'm really lucky that I have 3 wonderful friends who support me even in the toughest times. Well...not so lucky on one but hey, I gotta try to be more positive from now on.
Everything went wrong yesterday but I can't bear to be any more negative or stressed. It's not good for the life inside of me. I basically cried all night long. I really don't want to go to school but I'll have to either way.
There's also something else that I found out a few minutes ago when I woke up. I noticed that Pamela...well she posted that video she took at my birthday party, the one where I told everything to my mom. Even if my mom told her to delete it she still did it nonetheless.
I feel betrayed by her, I knew she was annoying sometimes but I didn't know she had it in her to destroy basically my whole life. The worst part is the comments.
Most people don't believe her, but they are mostly disgusted, some of them calling me a fag and like they can't believe they liked me.
My whole life is ruined for sure...Everyone liked me that I know of but not anymore...Not with that news.
Honestly, it doesn't bother me that much. I don't like the thought that no one likes
me anymore but I come first after all. Through, I'd rather have a few close friends like I have now than the whole school.
This, I've been trying to calm myself down and try to eliminate those comments from my mind or else I won't be able to go to school.
This is horrible! This basically means the whole school knows now! The teachers what will they think about it?! The rest of the school how will they act around me?! They won't be as nice as before...
Worst of them all...what will Nathan think about it? Wait...no Nathan! Oh crap...I ruined everything for him. This must be nearly as bad for him as it is for me. He still hasn't come out of the closet...oh no...
Why did I have to use my stupid mouth yesterday?! Oh, shoot! I'm in some serious trouble.
Nobody was supposed to know I had a thing going on with the same guy I hated Nathan!
Ugh, what will I do now? I'm pretty sure he wanted this to stay hidden. He never said anything concerning his sexuality but still...
As much as I hate to say this it's over between us...even if it's over...it doesn't mean that he wanted to tell people about him being gay and whatnot. Hell, he never confirmed that he was gay in the first place.
It breaks my heart to think that he might've played my feelings but...I don't want to believe that...I refuse to believe that! It felt real...what we had together.
Even if it was only brief it felt like it lasted for an eternity. I miss him...Yes, I miss my enemy.
I wished he would be here to help me go through this but...he doesn't want to do anything with those responsibilities. That's literally one of the reasons why it ended between us. He couldn't bear to take responsibility for me and...even less of a baby.
I really want to be mad at him but I can't...I can't, I just can't be mad at him. I can't blame him, he doesn't know what to think about it.
Deep down I wish he would back out of his decision and come back to me. Then we could finally try to make it work.
Even if I hated him for so long and truly knew how to be mad at him, deep down I wasn't as much as I thought. It wasn't as deep. Who knows maybe we wasted 10 years hating each other for no reason. Ok, I know we had a reason but still.
I just wished he would have given up on his stubborn mind and fully committed to me.
In the end, he didn't and I didn't really appreciate that. I know that. I should've known that he wouldn't want to date his enemy.
Honestly, I was really confused about what I felt for Nathan 2 months ago and even now. It wasn't really clear. I just didn't know what I wanted. Today, I can proudly say that I know what it is.
Back then all I knew was that I wanted him in bed, that I couldn't stop myself when he kissed me, that I wanted him to treat me more like a boyfriend. Yeah, I think so.
All I know is that space from him only made me realize how much it hurts that I've lost what we had. I wish we'd still have what we have even if I knew I would have to go back to having sex with him.
All this space from him gave me lots of time to reflect on what it is that I want, what I genuinely feel for him, something definite.
As I did I realized I was in love with him. No, I still am in love with him. Not just in love with him, madly in love with him. It's as if all the hatred I had for him transformed into love. He knows how intense my hatred was for him.
Regardless, it is disappointing that I'm only finding that out now when I don't have him anymore.
It hurts even more to know he doesn't want a future with me. I really much wished he would act as my boyfriend, yeah, more intimate with me. That we became something serious not just sex buddies...It felt more like we were enemies with benefits.
He never let me talk to him about my concerns about him and us. That's a shame really because I wanted him to know about my feelings. I wanted him to be open with me, to be more honest. I wanted everything people have in a relationship.
I didn't want our relationship to be only about sex, sex and sex again. That's just not like me to have this kind of relationship.
I wanted to get to know him better even though I've known him for years. I wanted to know who he actually was, not the bad boy I know. I wanted to go on dates, I wanted to be able to be comforted by him whenever he had problems.
Ugh, I have to stop thinking about him!
Regarding my family...Well, my mom is still avoiding me like the plague. It hurts...to know that my relationship with my mom will probably never be the same.
My sister Tamara on the other hand, might be in her final year of middle school but she wasn't ready to hear that. She hasn't turned 14 yet...one year younger than when I found out about my condition.
What is awkward is that she knows about yesterday. It's been...mostly awkward between us. She barely said a word to me.
All I know is that she doesn't hate me because that's the only thing she told me.
As much as I don't want to I have to go to school.
——————
I just arrived at school and I'm trying to calm myself down and walk into the schoolyard.
As soon as I walk into the schoolyard, I notice everyone staring at me and whispering behind my back.
I can kinda of hear them and what they are saying is quite hurtful. It's as bad as online but it's worse because it's in person. Reality is so mean...so harsh...
So, they mostly believe I'm gay but don't believe I'm pregnant. I mean I can't really prove to them that I am because I don't have a bump yet. It's probably gonna be hell once I do though...
I already feel all the eyes of everyone on me. It feels uncomfortable. That's when I noticed my friends a few meters away. I walk towards them but I get tripped by someone on my way there.
"Wait where are you going like that?" The person who tripped me says mockingly.
"To see my friends?" He laughs in a mean way.
"Your friends? Those people are your friends?" He points towards my friends.
"Yeah and?" I say in a weak voice.
"You're crazy. Who wants to be friends with you? You dirty whore."
I gasped in shock at his comment. I'm close to letting out some tears but he shoves me on the ground quite fast and hard. Ow, it hurts.
"That's what you get for being a f**king fag." By now I'm full-on crying and in pain.
While he continues to throw nasty insults at me, Kean, Ben's best friend comes walking towards us and ends up pushing the guy on the floor. He falls off into the ground straight on the face.
"Oi! What's your f**king problem?!"
"Oh? Then what were you doing to Theo?" He says slight anger and disgust in his voice.
The guy's nose is bleeding and looks back at us with a furious face. He's clearly not happy.
"I was only teaching him a lesson."
Kean isn't so nice this time around and hits him right in the jaw. He proceeds by full-on beating the guy.
He hits and punches, the guy everywhere. He just won't stop! I'm kind of terrified by what I'm seeing.
The guy is drenched in so much blood, he can't fight no more.
The teachers finally noticed and came by to separate the boys. Before the teacher forces Kean to go to the principal office he tells me something.
"I know you're terrified right now but know that I will always have your back!" He shouts angrily at me because there's now a whole crowd watching us. He's probably mad at the crowd not at me.
Brooke and Ben look back at us terrified of what just happened. I...I'm speechless...I never thought he would go to such lengths to protect me even if he's barely my friend.
Once both the boys leave for the principal office and the crowds dissipate, Brooke and Ben come back running back to me to ask me if I'm okay. They all look panicked.
"Are you okay Theo?!"
"Yeah...I'm just speechless..."
"What happened?!"
"Uh...the guy was being a jerk...that's all.."
"No! Theo you can't let that happen to you again! I know that Kean took care of it but it still doesn't mean he had to go that far..
"Yes, I know..."
"This really is gonna be a long day...but Theo are you sure you're gonna be alright?"
"Yes..."
Ben is more worried about what happened and Brooke is more concerned about my well-being. They really are both caring but they truly don't focus on the same thing, do they?
——————
It's been a few days since that fight that left me speechless. Indeed the last few day has been pure torture.
Luckily I never got hit again because everyone was scared of Kean. Speaking of which he got suspended for 3 days but he's back today.
It still didn't stop the whole thing about everyone staring at me, glancing my way, whispering behind my back, occasional mean remarks.
The teachers don't know what to do mostly but they have been trying to help me. They keep asking every single day if I'm alright. It's getting annoying. I'm not dying geez. Besides that, they've been awkward towards me.
Well, there's something I'm kind of mad about. I found out that they had a meeting the other day with my mom. I'm pretty sure they mostly talked only about what's happening with me.
She hasn't said a word to me yet but I know she will soon enough.
Unfortunately, things haven't changed that much with Tamara either.
Regarding Nathan, he hasn't done anything to make the rumours stop it. It's as if he doesn't mind everyone knowing about him being gay. He hasn't said anything to me either. This doesn't make any sense...Oh gosh..
Before I leave to go to school it finally seems like my mom wants to talk to me because she touches my shoulder.
"Theo...I think we need to talk..." Immediately, I start to freak out.
"Yes?"
"I had a meeting with your teacher 2 days ago..."
"Yeah, I already figured," I say annoyed but my mom only glares in return in warning.
"I'm still confused about all this. They told me everything that's been going on at school and I feel like I have failed as a mother."
"Mom don't say that...I'm the one that screwed up..."
"I know but still...I wasn't able to protect or warn you...I should've done a better job to prevent this from happening."
"It's not your fault Mom. It's my fault that I got into this mess." I say guilt eating through me.
"I know that you are at fault here but I can't but feel like it's my responsibility too."
"Oh, mom..." I decide to hug her and she lets me.
"But Theo, why did you do that if you knew it could happen?!"
"I know...I can't apologize for something I did in the past. I can only look into the future and hold full accountability for it."
"Still...Why did it have to be with Nathan? I thought you two hated each other...Wait, don't tell me he sexually assaulted you!" She says extremely worried.
"Of course not! It was consensual! I was the one that kissed him first!"
"I just don't understand...How long were you two doing this?"
"It was in January so almost 3 weeks."
"Wow...It happened so fast...Did you two just do that or...?"
"Yeah...We were what you can call enemies with benefits.."
"And...you just accepted it like that?"
"Well, I wasn't fine with it...I wanted more than that actually but we broke it off because of that."
"Thank god he did...That guy.."
"You don't like him do you?"
"No, I've never liked what he did to you." Figures.
"Does it make it worse if I tell you he's not taking responsibility for this?" I say hesitantly.
"Why am I not surprised?!" She says angrily.
"Mom..."
"That guy! I tell you is a bad influence! He dares make you pregnant and he doesn't take responsibility for it?!" Oh gosh...
"He didn't know about my condition. It wasn't his fault."
"He still could've taken responsibility! Of course, he doesn't because the only thing he's got at is hurting you!"
"Mom, I love Nathan!"
"Love? You can't love such a boy!"
"It doesn't change the fact that I love him!"
"Look I'm disappointed in you right now. At the very least, I'll try to support you as much as I can. That's the least I can do after failing my role as a mom."
"Oh Mom..." I hug her again and I cry.
"If that Nathan guy won't be here for you then I'll be here. We'll go through this together."
"Oh thank you, Mom!" I feel so relieved!
"Just promise me you won't do something as reckless as that again."
"I promise you I won't. Never again."
As much as I wish it were through I doubt so. I already feel this growing urge to go see Nathan again...Just to tell him one last time I love him. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and prevent this from happening.
——————-
In the end, I couldn't keep my promise to my mom for long. I only had that talk with her this morning and by now school is over.
I'm currently walking in the direction of the walls behind the school. I know that Nathan must be there to smoke as he usually does.
Once I finally arrive I notice him but instead, I see something that I was completely not expecting.
He's not alone...He's kissing...some other guy....instead.
Immediately I ran back crying forgetting why I was even there in the first place.
I can't believe what I just saw. I thought he only liked me...I hope he didn't see me.
The worst part is that he looks like me...I ended up stopping to run mid-way to my house. Only to realize, that my mom was gonna pick me up today.
Oh screw it, I can't bare to see him ever again. I should've never kissed Nathan Hames back in January!!!
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