Graduation
Ch.3.4
Theo's pov
Today is an important day. Some would say it is one of the things to be the most proud of but honestly, right now I can't really relate.
Today, I'm finally graduating high school. It still sounds unbelievable to me at least. It feels like the last few years went by fast, well except the last few months of course but yeah I can't believe I'm graduating today.
If you asked me 2 years ago what I thought about graduating, I would've told you that graduating high school would be an important step for me in my life.
Regardless, the last few months have been rough for me. Not only I'm pregnant but the whole world had to know I was gay and that had something going on with Nathan.
They didn't genuinely believe it at first but ever since that day I saw Nathan that boy, he...he has been fooling around with him. Yeah, he hooks up with multiple boys...now...
It seems like the fact that everyone finally knew about him being gay, didn't seem to faze him at all. It only let him have the courage to start hooking up with some guys openly.
It hurts to know he already moved on while I still haven't. Every day I've been crying because I still like him and I can't have him. I'm not joking, I really do cry every night.
He hasn't tried to talk to me either...
Ever since that day, he keeps showing up to school kissing random guys as if to purposely provoke a reaction out of me or I don't know make me jealous. Isn't he the one who said he didn't want anything serious with me?
Seeing how he's busy doing that, I don't think he ever plans to talk to me again or even getting involved. I knew he wouldn't but that still hurts...
It was way better when Nathan would just be mean to me not straight-up ignore me. I would take that over this.
I can't believe I'm saying this but in a way I kind of regret not using protection. Who knew what would have happened if we used protection? Would we still be together? I know we had a break beforehand but if it wasn't for my situation, I would've gone back to Nathan.
Regardless, I never knew losing my enemy would hurt this much...
Ugh, why do I still keep thinking about him? Sometimes I wish I would move on, but I guess I can't. I thought being in love was the best feeling in the world but apparently, it truly is not. It hurts like hell. If only Nathan wouldn't be an asshole...
I truly do want to make myself believe that he's only bad news especially knowing what he did to me in the past but I just can't help but think about the time we spend together.
Obviously, it didn't even last 3 weeks but the times when he would kiss me, use his desirable charm, his touch, his smirk, truly melt my heart.
There's also his piercings that I never revealed were a lot more important to me than I thought. I actually liked them even if I never admitted it to Nathan.
Nathan Hames is hot indeed but it's more than that...he's not only a bad boy, the guy I used to hate. He's more than that...he's...I don't know. It's hard to explain.
I wished he was more like himself, his true self.
By that, I mean it felt like he was still restricting his true self to come out when he was with me. I think it's because he still hated me or something.
I could go on and on again but it's just the same thing I'm repeating.
After seeing him kiss that guy the other day, I cried for days on end. I even had to tell my friends eventually.
They were all mad at him of course. My friends support me a lot. I mean Kean got into a fight because of me but eventually, I made a deal with him to stop doing that. He still sometimes wants to put a couple of hits here and there on Pamela but he doesn't because he knows I don't like it.
Speaking of Kean, I got closer to him finally. I'm not as close to him as I am with Ben and Brooke for instance. At least it's that. Though he won't start hugging me just because I want to. He's not that type of guy.
Anyway, after Ben confessed a few months ago, he still had feelings for me and I couldn't help but notice it. You can't move on from someone easily and I sure know that.
Though he didn't really talk about that ever again knowing what was going on with me was way more serious than his own feelings.
Yes, sometimes I can sense that he would want to be with me more often than not. Even if he wanted that, he still decided that he would rather help a friend in need than give in to the feelings he had for me.
Honestly, I've been kind of a sh*ty friend lately. While I know he had feelings for me I still continue talking nonstop about Nathan. I thought I wouldn't do it again but I still did.
I know I should stop talking to him about Nathan but I just can't, I need someone who will let me express all my frustration and my feelings.
He truly is a good friend, he puts up with my crap, while I've done next to nothing to help him.
On the other hand, Brooke has come around. At first, she was unsure about all this even if she said she would support me no matter what because that's what friends are for but she gradually started getting used to the idea.
At first, my first ultrasounds were with Ben only, see what I mean when he does everything for me? She eventually started strolling around with us.
Though Kean hasn't gone to those appointments, he still supports me in his own way. I think he told me one time, he started working just to help me pay for the upcoming expenses if I wanted to.
I really wasn't expecting that out of him. It's not even like him to do something for a friend. I must mean a lot to him.
Anyway, Ben works too so he wants to do the same. Oh, those two...They make my heart melt.
I'm lucky that my friends are helping me deal with all of this. I don't even want to imagine what it must feel like for a teen mom who has no support from anybody.
Sure I don't have any support coming from Nathan but I get why he doesn't support me. It isn't like him to be acceptant of those kinds of things. I still owe him for having dealt with it better than I initially thought.
Regarding my family, it has gotten less tense between my sister Tamara and me, as well as with my mom.
It took quite a while for Tamara to understand because she thought it was still a joke. She was still mad at me because she felt betrayed for not knowing such a huge thing about me. It's not my fault that my mom didn't want her to know.
It wasn't until I started to let her in on the journey that she finally understood that it was real.
I mean right now people can't say I'm lying because I'm almost 27 weeks pregnant. It's clear as day now I'm pregnant.
My mom finally came around, she made me have this whole talk about responsibility and all. She lectured me eventually about protection too.
She still holds grudges towards me but she's been trying to accept the truth. Yeah, the one where I'm a boy that's pregnant in my senior year in high school. Not that great I know.
She's not mad that I'm gay, she told me the other day that she already had suspicions about me being gay. She basically told me it was kind of obvious. She might be accepting of my sexuality but she isn't really about the guy I had it with.
She knows who Nathan is obviously. I mean which parent wouldn't know the guy their son used to hate for almost 10 years? She already met him multiple times when she used to pick me up from school.
She's even more disappointed to know he won't even take responsibility for his child. At one point she proposed to talk to his parents and him but I told her off because I knew it wouldn't be a good idea.
My mom has turned into...a kind of protective mom. The only people she lets me talk to are my friends, Brooke, Ben and Kean because she already knows them.
She's still mad I didn't talk to her first but she understands that I was scared to tell her.
She doesn't go to the pregnancy ultrasounds, though. She's too busy with work but she wouldn't go either way.
She's nice enough to know that I would rather go through the ultrasounds with my friends by my side and not with her. So, she let me do that.
It would be kind of awkward, maybe worse because let's face it I've dealt with a lot of hate, discrimination and bullying right here and there.
Even the doctor feels uncomfortable with my case, they're not okay with it obviously. They discriminate against me. I know that I should report how they are acting towards me but what do you want me to do?
It's not normal for a guy to be able to be pregnant let alone being pregnant for real at a young age. I don't want them to start questioning my mom. It's hurtful what they have said to me.
It's the same thing at school. I've been getting a lot of hate and bullying thrown at me.
Luckily they never kicked me in the ribs even less so my stomach. They are still scared of Kean alright? They haven't really hit me or anything but I can't help but notice the judgment and disgust through their eyes looking down at me. They are disgusted at me.
I know it's not really their fault nor is it that much mine. I can't go back to the past and fix my problems. I mean I would love to.
If I could I probably would use protection to not get myself pregnant and try to get Nathan to open up. I don't know how I would but I would try to make something out of us. Yeah, more serious than we were maybe we would still be together to this day. Unfortunately, that's not how life works.
One of the main bullies is, of course, Pamela. She's the one that started all this anyway so it's not surprising to know she would be the one to be the worst towards me.
At first, I still couldn't get over the fact she would do that but slowly I realized her true colours. She was never like Brooke.
Now I know everything was fake between us. She wasn't my best friend but sometimes she made me laugh. I wouldn't be surprised to know she probably used me, Hm, I don't know maybe she was only my friend to humiliate me.
Unfortunately, it isn't the first time, as it happened multiple times in the past. I don't know how I always fall for the same trap.
Anyways, she's still with that boyfriend of hers, Brayden, he also has been acting terribly around me. He's not afraid to make me trip sometimes, doing the occasional classic things that bullies usually do or even sharing the occasional comments full of hatred.
Hm, screw them. They aren't worth it as Brooke told me.
The teachers are still judgy and all but they refrain from commenting on it because they're scared of getting fired. Thus, they refrain from doing it.
The last few weeks have been particularly bad, with that came the studying for my final exams and also the weird looks thrown around me whenever I'm in public.
Before I could hide the fact I'm pregnant but now...I'm showing. It's clear as day I'm pregnant. I'd say I was able to hide it until I was 20-21 weeks along.
It has been hell ever since then. Not only do I have to wear maternity clothes which you know don't exist in men but I have everyone looking at me weirdly because I'm a boy who has a pregnant bump which for them is so strange and impossible.
It's logically impossible for a boy to be pregnant but here I am with a rare condition that has unfortunately developed in the last few years.
Sure it was tougher for me at first because I'm a guy and logically I shouldn't be able to be the one to carry the baby.
Honestly, I haven't thought too much about labour. The only thing I know is that I'll be having a C-section as I don't have any part in my body that could let a baby out and also because either way it would be too risky or even dangerous.
I'm currently at school wearing my graduation gown. At first, they didn't want me to wear it but they let me wear it eventually.
My mom is here as well as Tamara and my friends. The ceremony just finished.
A few months ago, they would have told me to give a speech but now that I'm a disappointment to the whole school they won't let me do it.
My mom is still to this day furious about it. I know it's discrimination but those are the consequences of my actions. So, I did try to let her know it was going to be fine.
Everyone has been judging me with their eyes since the ceremony began. Their parents look at me in disgust and horror. It hurts but I'm used to it by now.
Apparently, it's time for the photos to be taken. I don't know why but my school doesn't want to take it earlier in the year but instead directly in the moment.
I already know I want to take a photo with my friends. Maybe one with only Brooke and I. One with Ben and I too. Maybe with Kean if he wants to.
We are getting out of the auditorium so we can head outside with everyone. Dang it, why does it have to be hot today? Ugh, I really feel sweaty with this gown on but I can't even begin to imagine how worse it's gonna be.
We continue to walk outside but argh, it's so hot, geez, why does it have to be a heat wave today? I think I would much rather be on the beach right now. Oh no wait I can't, nobody wants to see a pregnant boy on the beach.
Ugh, why oh why?
There's an area with a camera and some red carpets and stuff. Luckily for me, I haven't seen Nathan today so I think I'm good.
We all walk towards the photograph. There's no one taking pictures so that's great I guess we won't have to wait in line to have our photo taken.
"Hey, we would like to be photographed."
The photographer looks at me then he looks exactly where everyone keeps looking. Obviously, he's looking straight to my bump. For a second, he looks back at me in confusion and disgust but it disappears as fast as it appeared.
"Sure you guys go there."
We placed each other where he told us. My mom and Tamara wait behind the photographer since this is the photo with my friends. Before he can snap photos the photographer opens his mouth.
"Ugh, can you hide this...?" He points towards my obvious growing bump. My friends and my mom watch back in fury and disgust.
"Hey, what's wrong with you sir?! They just want to take a picture why should he have to hide the fact he is indeed pregnant?" My mom yells.
Everyone looks back at us horrified by what they just heard. The photographer's eyes go wide open and his jaw drops. He ignores my mom and does his job of snapping pictures.
After this whole thing, everyone stopped looking at us. The photographer doesn't speak again except to tell us to put each other in certain positions so the picture would turn out better.
In the end, I took a photo with my 3 friends, one with Brooke and another one with Ben. Surprisingly Kean wanted one with me too.
Then I took one with my mom and the last one with my sister and my mom.
After that, we chatted some more. We eat the rest of the goodies that are on the table.
Regardless, I haven't actually talked about what I will do after graduation right?
Haha...well obviously my dream of becoming a teacher will have to wait because in only a few short months I'll be raising a child as a single dad.
Obviously, I can't go to college next year though I promised my mom I would go the year after. Which is totally fine by me. I really don't know what will happen in the next few months but all I know is that it's gonna be a roller coaster.
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