“Honey?” I smiled at Sebastian as we reached the villa, my arms full of bags, “would ya like to go for a swim before dinner?”
“Really? Yes!” Sebastian giggled, helping me open the door.
“Perfect. Go get ready and I’ll meet ya at the back deck. Do ya want wine?”
“Mhm. But only one glass. We are touring the winery tomorrow!” he yelled, rushing up the stairs and I smiled fondly, watching him.
I love you, Sebastian.
Shaking my head, I left the bags on the couch and slowly made my way to the third floor, putting on my swim trunks and a silk robe I had bought in Japan a few years ago. I enjoyed wearing it when I was sunbathing, never wanting to burn. Grabbing the gift I had hidden from Sebastian as well as the note I had written for it, I made my way to the second floor and left it outside of his door before going to the basement to grab wine and finally heading to the deck that was situated by the pool. My leg was beginning to hurt as I had climbed multiple flights of stairs without my brace just now and I immediately sat down, doing my best to ignore the pain as I poured two glasses of wine, turning to look out at the ships on the sea as I took a small drink, feeling relaxed.
“Oliver? Did you buy this for me? It fits perfectly,” Sebastian called and I turned, my eyes growing wide as I sat up, setting my glass of wine onto the small table set between the lounge chairs.
“It’s better than I thought it would be. I had it custom-made for ya. To wear at home or when we are relaxin’ like this. It’s a late birthday gift. Do ya like it?”
I had called my tailor in Japan a few weeks ago and had them make Sebastian a baby blue silk robe almost identical to mine but where mine was bright yellow and covered in small vines, his was inlaid with beautiful pink chrysanthemums.
“I love it,” he giggled, using one of the sleeves to cover his mouth, “it’s perfect. It is from Japan isn’t it?”
“Mhm. From a small shop outside of Tokyo. It’s a shop where they make traditional clothin’ for festivals and formal affairs such as weddings.”
“Oh, that's amazing. I would love to see that,” he sighed happily, laying on the lounge chair next to me, his sleeve moving further down to expose his shoulder.
“Ya seem to love the process of makin’ clothes,” I smiled, studying him and he nodded, his eyes fluttering closed as he relaxed in the sun.
“Very much. I love the fashions of the world. Be it vintage or modern. No different than my love of cars.”
“It’s nice to see your passions. They’re interestin’.”
“And what are yours?”
“Ships. Cars as well. Poetry. Nothin’ too excitin’,” I shrugged, handing him his glass, “I’m surprised ya agreed to come swim. You’re not the best at it.”
“I grew up in an orphanage, vous le cul. I never had the opportunity to learn,” he laughed, accepting the glass as he lifted his right leg up, resting his foot on the cushion. His robe slowly slid back to expose his thigh, the freckles on his skin more apparent due to the sunshine, “oh this is fantastic. I love how refreshing white wine is.”
“It’s my preference,” I swallowed thickly, doing my best to not touch him, “ya look… beautiful in this light, Sebastian.”
“Merci,” he giggled.
“Can I take a picture? I… it’s for me only. I just want to remember our first trip together. It's important to me.”
“You can take photos of me whenever you want. You already do. I don’t mind,” he laughed, “should I do a pose like always?”
“No. I’d rather it be natural. Just relax. I won’t tell ya when I take it.”
“Whatever makes you happy,” he took another sip of wine and turned to watch the boats on the sea below us, the sky clear before he closed his eyes after setting his glass down, looking more relaxed than I had ever seen him, “this is something I could get used to. Relaxing near a pool in the sun or on the beach. A nice drink and my wonderful boyfriend.”
“I agree,” smiling, I reached over to gently rub his collarbone with just the tips of my fingers.
“Are we still going to swim?” he turned his head to gently nuzzle the back of my hand.
“How about this,” I stood up and quickly lifted him, wrapping his legs around my waist and making him squeal loudly, his arms tight around my neck, “after a nice swim, we finally buy you a car? I can have it delivered to our apartment building.”
“Really? Thank you, Daddy,” he giggled, kissing me rapidly.
“Oh you’re so very welcome kitten,” I whispered against his lips, gripping him tightly.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Oh no. Not at all. I just… ya make me… when ya call me Daddy I get hard. That’s all. I don’t want to push ya into anythin’.”
“Oliver, we've been dating for weeks and the most you do is kiss my throat. You are so nervous about touching me. Are you… not attracted to me?”
“Of course I am. Very much so. I just… I’m scared, Sebastian,” I whispered, sitting back down with him in my lap, “scared to take things further than what we have now. What if I disappoint ya? I can’t be on my knees or feet long so it… there are certain positions I can’t do. A lot I can’t actually.”
“But I am not inexperienced,” he rubbed his nose on mine, “trust me I know… plenty of um… I know how we can do things that feel good for both of us without you having to stand or kneel.”
“Only one who kneels around here will be you,” I laughed, tangling my fingers in his hair to hide how badly my hands were shaking, “fuck…”
“Oliver?” Sebastian looked at me concerned.
“I haven’t felt scared of sex since my first time with Sky… I…”
“Okay,” he nodded, kissing me softly, “we don’t have to until you are no longer afraid. I just… wish… I am being selfish. I apologize. I have a very high drive and it is hard for me to control.”
“Kitten,” I groaned, “don’t tell me that. I’ve heard ya… so many times. In the bathroom. Tell me what you’re doin’ in there?”
“Playing with toys… bath toys that can be in the water…” his entire face went red, “I can’t help it. It’s been a year since I have been with anyone.”
“You’ve been playin’ with yourself without lettin’ me see?”
“Um…”
“Kitten,” I lowered my tone just a bit and he slowly nodded. Carefully, I moved him to lay him across my lap and slowly pulled his swim trunks down just a bit, giving me access to his rear, “how many have I missed?”
“Oliver?” he gripped my leg and I swatted him gently, “oh…”
“No no. We don’t enjoy our punishment. How many times?”
“I… I don’t know. Maybe ten?”
“Alright,” I rubbed his cheek softly before swatting him ten times, each a bit stronger than the last and his skin flushed, a bright red mark left behind, “there is a rule I forgot to tell ya, kitten.”
“What is it?” he panted, his nails digging into me and I realized that he truly enjoyed the bit of pain from me spanking him.
“Ya can’t touch yourself if I’m not watchin’ ya do it.”
“But… we aren’t always together Daddy.”
“Don’t argue,” I spanked him again and Sebastian moaned loudly, forcing my stomach to twist, “do ya understand me?”
“I do.”
“Do ya truly?”
“Oui I will not do it if you are not watching me.”
“Good boy,” I whispered, helping him to straddle me again, “Sebastian… I’m sorry I haven’t done anythin’. It’s not that I don’t want to. I just… I’m tryin’ to take things slow.”
“But there is a difference between slow and glacier paced,” he laughed, “I want you, Daddy. In whatever way you’ll have me right now. Please,” he kissed me softly and I shook my head, “why?”
“Not out here. I wanted to talk about somethin’ first. Can ya please wait until later? After dinner… please?”
“Of course. Is… is everything okay?”
“I think so. Yes. We’re fine. But I want to talk about the fact that I have… Sebastian, I think we regularly forget that I’m 8 years older than ya. I have things I want from life and I feel like I’m startin’ to get too old for some of ‘em. So I… I want to make a timeline for us.”
“We have been dating for a few weeks…”
“I don’t want anyone but you. I want to build my life and future with ya. What do ya think?”
“Okay,” he finally smiled, “tell me then. What do you want on our timeline?”
“I’d like to be married in the next 2 years at most…”
“Hm,” he looked up at the sky, his arms tight around my neck before he met my gaze again, “okay. I like that idea too.”
“Buy our forever home by the beginning of next year. I want to spend a bit of time married before we… I’m jumpin’ a bit ahead, ain’t i?”
“No,” he snorted, “not at all. You have already decided you want to marry me and no one else. I’m flattered even if the relationship is still very new. I can’t imagine being with anyone but you anyway.”
“Good. Okay. I want to spend some time as just you and me before we… start tryin’ to have a baby.”
“I know,” he giggled, rubbing his nose with mine, “I have seen how you interact with Mylo. It doesn’t surprise me.”
“I’d also like to adopt one…”
“Oliver?” He looked at me surprised.
“From your orphanage,” I whispered softly, “the place you were raised. I would like to go there and find a child that needs parents. Regardless of their age. I don’t care if we go there and adopt a 10 year old who has been left behind. Because I don’t want what happened to you to happen to another child. Someone should have adopted ya, Sebastian. You’re amazing. I am so sorry that it didn’t happen for ya. That you didn’t get to grow up in a home full of love. With a family.”
“But I have a family,” he smiled, wiping a tear away, “I have yours.”
“Mhm. Ya do. Ya always will.”
“You would go to Beauvais with me just to adopt a child?”
“To bring our child home? Yes. I would. Sebastian, I… I want nothin’ more than to be a family with you. To have kids and Aldo and… I know I’m crazy. We ain’t been together for very long but there’s this… connection between us I’ve felt since the day we met. It’s not somethin’ I could ever ignore. I… oh Sebastian,” I wiped tears from his face as he had begun to cry, “baby why are ya cryin’?”
“Je t'aime,” he whispered softly between choked gasps, “Je t'aime et je ne sais pas ce que j'ai fait pour être aimé comme ça, mais je n'y renoncerai pour rien au monde. S'il te plaît... dis-moi que tu m'aimes aussi, Oliver.”
“I don’t understand what you’re sayin’ baby I’m sorry I wish I did. How do I make it better? What do I do?”
“Shut up for two seconds,” he shook his head and slowly kissed me, his hands tangling in my hair as he gently rocked his hips against mine, “no more talking. Please.”
“Sebastian,” my voice came out muffled against his lips as he refused to stop kissing me, “Bas wait baby I’m confused as hell.”
He broke away, the look in his eyes resolute as he took a small breath, “tell me what I have been dying to hear for months.”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“Yes you do. Stop playing stupide. Please, Oliver. I know it is there. Right here,” he slid his hand down to my chest, resting it above my heart, “because I felt it the minute you looked at me. That spark. The one thing I have never had in my life. The thing I have been missing and until I hear it from you I will never believe any of this is real.”
“Oh,” I whispered, studying his face, “oh Sebastian…”
“Please,” he pleaded, starting to cry again, “please do not tell me I am the only one who feels this way. I am not fooling myself. I have to know. Please…”
“Baby…”
“You…” he slowly climbed off of me, his head hanging, “you cannot tell me…”
“Wait… don’t…”
“Because you don’t feel it…”
“I didn’t say that baby please,” I reached for his hand and he smacked me away, “Sebastian?”
“Stay… stay away from me. I…” he turned on his heel and rushed inside and I sat in my place, confusion deep in my chest as I thought over what he poured out in French, trying to understand anything he said.
Je t'aime.
I know that…
What the fuck is it?
I’ve read it in books and heard it in movies.
Think Oliver…
Oh.
Oh my God I’m a fucking idiot.
Je t'aime.
I love you.
What else did he say?
Um…
He begged me to tell him I love him too.
He thinks that I don’t… that none of this is real.
But that’s such a difficult thing for me to say after Skylar.
That I love someone.
But I do love you, Sebastian.
I have for months.
Jumping up, I hurried inside as best I could with my leg and to the second floor where I found Sebastian in one of the spare rooms he was using for his clothes, throwing everything into his bags as he cried.
“Baby what are ya doin’?” I whispered from the doorway.
“Leaving. I cannot be with you, Oliver,” he sniffled.
“Ya promised me ya wouldn’t leave me. That if I gave myself to you… that would be it. You and me. Ya know better than anyone how hard that was for me.”
“Mhm. I do. But you do not feel the same.”
“Stop packing.”
“No.”
“Goddamit Sebastian stop packing your fuckin’ bags!” I shouted and he froze, looking at me terrified, “stop it please. Don’t do this. Don’t leave me. Let me explain!”
“Stop yelling at me,” he whispered, his voice shaking, “please I am scared.”
“I…”
“Why do you have to yell to get your point across? I am a grown man. You should have just told me you could not love me. I would have understood. We never should have gotten to this point.”
“I didn’t tell ya because I don’t speak French and I didn’t understand what you were sayin’ about feelings after that, Sebastian. I got confused,” I slowly came over to him, taking the sweater he was holding and covering his hands with my own after resting them on my chest, “I have a hard time with words baby. I’m not the most eloquent and ya ran away before I could say anythin’ about why I was strugglin’ to say anythin’ back. Ya startled me. Because I didn’t think ya felt the same way about me,” I pulled him into a hug and he laid his head on my chest, still concerned, “I didn’t mean to yell. Ya scared me. I can’t lose ya, baby. I… ti amo. Ti amo più di chiunque altro su questo pianeta. Sei la mia anima gemella. L'amore della mia vita. Non mi interessa che non ci frequentiamo da molto tempo. Ti amo, Sebastian. Con ogni pezzo di me che sono,” I softly kissed the top of his head as I began to cry quietly, “please baby. Don’t leave.”
“Ti amo… means…”
“Exactly what ya think it means. I can’t say it in English anymore. It chokes me. But I can say it to ya all day in Italian. Every moment of every day for as long as I live if ya need me to. Ti amo, Sebastian.”
“Truly?”
“Truly.”
“Oliver,” he looked up at me, his eyes damp as he smiled hesitantly, “I love you.”
“Mhm. I know. Anch'io ti amo,” I rubbed his jawline softly with my thumb, “you and me, baby.”
“Is it crazy?”
“Oui,” I laughed, kissing his nose, “I think so? We have known each other for a long time though. Our feelings for each other are true. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of our relationship. As long as we’re happy. I am. Happier than I have ever been havin’ ya at my side.”
“Even happier than when… you were with Skylar?” he chewed his lip.
“He never made me happy. Our entire relationship was based on lust. We had sex the first day we met and became a couple immediately. But our relationship is entirely based on emotion. Our hearts connect. I was always meant to find ya, Bas and I will never let you go.”
“Me either,” he smiled finally.
“Good. Are we okay?”
“We’re perfect.”
“Thank God. Ya scared me.”
“I love you.”
“Ti amo.”
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