Lucas

“You’re right. You deserve to do what is best for you. Whatever you decide, maybe we’ll see you and Parker there.” The words taste rancid in my mouth, especially as Becca’s shoulders tense under my arm and Embree’s expression falls.

For several uncomfortable seconds, the three of us stand there. Just as I’m ready to break and tell her I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, Embree turns and leaves my bedroom in a rush. As if the air in the room has gone with her, my legs almost give out, forcing me to release Becks and sit on the edge of my bed with my face buried in my hands.

“What the hell have I done?” The question forces its way up my throat in a desperate groan. This isn’t how things were supposed to go. When I told her we should put aside our feelings and focus on our friendship, not once did I picture this. Her and Parker? What the fuck do I do now?

Next to me, the bed shifts. 

“God, Becks.” I’d almost forgotten she was here. “I’m so damn sorry.” It’s all I say, hindered by the overwhelming shame gripping my throat. It’s probably better this way, given there is nothing I could say that would excuse my actions.

“You really like her, don’t you?”

Too exhausted for pretense, I nod. My gaze glued to the spot where Embree stood seconds ago. 

“I don’t want you thinking we broke up so I could be with her, because it isn’t true.” With a shake of my head, I chance a look at her. Her sad eyes and furrowed brow are almost a mirror image of my own. “I ended things because you deserve better than a guy like me. A guy who’s got his head so far up his ass, he can’t love you the way you deserve. I’m not a good guy, Becks. What happened just now is further proof of that.”

“That isn’t true, Lucas.” She goes to reach for me like she would have done a few weeks ago but stops herself. “I forgive you. If that’s what you need to hear, I’ll say it again, I forgive you. It hurt me, Lucas. I was heartbroken because the best guy I’d ever met is in love with a girl who isn’t me. I saw it that night. Felt it in the air as the two of you stared at one another. Since then, I’ve done a lot of thinking and looking back, I think I always knew.” Standing, she comes in front of me and then drops to her knees, forcing my down-turned gaze to look at her. 

Taking my hands in hers, she says, “That’s what I came up here to tell you. That through our time together, I was aware of everything, yet it didn’t stop me from wanting to be with you. It’s because you’re the kindest, most protective, loyal, and responsible person I’ve ever known. Thinking it over, I realize it’s why we lasted so long. You’re so duty-bound to doing what’s right that you stayed with me out of some sense of obligation, which had the secondary benefit of keeping the two of you apart. A win-win. But in the end, we all lost because the heart wants what the heart wants. In my case, it led me to settle for a boy whose heart belonged to another.”

She pauses, her eyes shifting between mine briefly before she continues. “In your case, you are so afraid to follow what’s in your heart that you settled for a girl you can’t love. As a result, you ended up hurting not only me but also Emilia and yourself. It’s time you stop thinking with your head and start trusting what’s in your heart, Lucas. That’s all I wanted to say. That I’m okay and that I forgive you.” With that, she gets up and goes to leave. When she gets over the threshold of the door, she turns. “You deserve to be happy, Luc. Even if that means bending some of those self-imposed rules you’re so determined to follow. You deserve to find happiness, too.”

When the door clicks shut behind her, I collapse back onto my bed. My palms squeeze over my eyes as I will back the moisture threatening to consume me. I don’t deserve her forgiveness, any more than I deserve the happiness she claims is mine for the taking. 

She is right about one thing. I made the wrong choice and because of it, hurt them both. I am afraid to trust my heart because what it wants isn’t something I can have. Not safely, anyway. There is no guarantee that if I give in and make her mine, that six months from now, I won’t end up losing her when things inevitably turn to crap. Or if not then, what about next year when I head off to college and leave her behind? What then? Hanging my hopes on temporary happiness when we stand to lose so much makes no sense. It’s too much risk. 

Decision made, I get up and make my way down to the party. I’ll find Emilia first, so I can apologize for what I said since I don’t want her to think that Becks and I are together. And as much as I hate the thought of her and Parker on a date, I meant what I said. I want her to do what is best for her, and if that means she goes to the bonfire with another guy, it’s up to me to find a way to accept her decision.

When I make it outside, the cookout is in full swing. Our property sits on several acres that are bordered by trees that go on as far as the eye can see. It gives our yard a secluded feel, almost park-like. Especially now, with all the picnic tables and firepits Dad has added over the years.  

In mere seconds, the magnetic pull draws my eyes to where Embree sits with our friends. Eager to make things right, I take two steps toward her before I see Parker sitting next to her. They’re not touching, but based on the smirk he’s sending my way, he’s well aware of how his proximity to her is affecting me. He’s goading me. And it’s working.

Pissed that he would come to my home to pull this shit, I stomp towards him. When he sees me barreling in his direction, he rushes to a stand, his shoulders squared up like he’s preparing for battle. As our chests touch, Ben steps between us, pushing me back as he tries to save me from myself.

His voice is firm but quiet enough that only I can hear. “Stop. Not here. Not with your folks and the rest of the town as witnesses. You know you’d never forgive yourself for disappointing your parents, so let it go. For now.” 

I’m so wound up that I grip the front of his shirt out of desperation. I want to kill Parker. I want to punch his pretty boy face until he’s black and blue and begging for my forgiveness, but Ben’s right, I can’t do this here. Taking in a deep breath, I release him. 

“He’s doing this on purpose. He’s challenging me. Daring me to put him on his ass, which he knows I will.”

“Probably. It’s what he does,” he shrugs. “We’ll deal with it. For now, do your best not to kill him in front of all these people.”

When I nod, he lets go. While my insides still vibrate with rage, I school my features and walk over to Embree. 

“Emb, could we talk?”

“No,” then to add insult to injury, she turns to Nic, who sits on her other side and continues their conversation as if I’m not even there.

“Damn,” Parker sniggers under his breath. “Guess she told you.”

I. See. Red.

Next thing I know, Ben and my father have me wrapped up in what feels like a vice, while Parker is on the ground. His eye is red and already showing signs of swelling. His lip is split and his nose is dripping blood all over the front of his white t-shirt. The satisfaction of seeing him get what he deserves quickly fades when Embree kneels at his side and wraps her arms around him protectively. 

She’s protecting him from me.

And when those whiskey eyes I can’t live without look up at me, what I see steals my breath. Behind the pool of unshed emotion is rage. Anger. And worst of all, disappointment.

“No. Embree, please…”

“Don’t you dare speak to me, Lucas. Not now. Not after this.”

When she looks away, it rips my heart in two. The gravity that I may have just lost her hits me and suddenly it’s like I can’t breathe. Sucking in lungfuls of air, I try to get her attention. Begging with everything I have for her forgiveness while fighting Dad and Ben as they drag me back into the house and away from the girl who owns my soul.

“That’s enough!” Dad pushes me through the sliding door. “Go to your room.”

“No, I have to make this right, Dad. I have to fix it.” I beg through sobs that on any other day would embarrass me, but today they seem very much warranted. 

“I said get upstairs,” he demands in a tone he’s never used, which stuns the fight out of me. 

When I drop my head in shame, he takes both of my shoulders and leans down, so I’m forced to look into his eyes. 

“Tomorrow you fix it. Today, you give her and yourself time to process. Now, go to your room. The cookout is over for you.”